Since joining the online IF community, there is something that’s really been up my shorts lately.
I should preface this by saying that none of my bloggy buds have made me feel this way. You all are great and I love reading all of your blogs (and I promise to leave comments-they are the hug of the internet world).
But I was browsing through some of the online pregnancy and trying to conceive message boards and I saw several postings in several different places where women who have been dealing with infertility for several years were ranting and raving about women who have only been dealing with it for a year or less.
Don’t get me wrong-I haven’t hit the year mark yet, so I’m a little biased. But the fact of the matter is-I am infertile. It doesn’t mean I can’t have children-but it does mean that my life is a constant barrage of worry and fear and unpleasant symptoms and doctors appointments to try and do what so many can do all on their own. And I am certain that the longer you have to deal with it, the worse it is. I am certain of that-and I would never downgrade what anyone who has been dealing with this for a long time is going through.
But at the same time, I don’t want anyone to downgrade what I’m going through either. It is painful for me every month I either don’t ovulate or ovulate on Clomid (only once y’all) and don’t get pregnant. It is painful for me every time I have to go to the OBGYN and see all of the pregnant women who get to worry about picking a pediatrician and morning sickness. It is painful for me to log onto facebook and see all the fertiles out there getting pregnant every five minutes.
It is painful, y’all. And the fact that it’s only been painful for about 11 months doesn’t mean that I don’t deserve to feel the pain that I do. I actually saw a women say that women who have been trying for a year should “shut their mouths and stop their bitching until they’ve been trying for three, and then maybe I’ll feel a little sad for them”. REALLY? Are we really to the point of competing about who is in the most pain and who has suffered longer?
Not to get all high school musical on you-but I really do feel like we’re all in this together. And as I said, no one in my bloggy world has made me feel this way, but it has definitely made me want to stay away from message boards for fear of being “unwelcome” as a new infertile.
If I’ve offended anyone, I’m sorry. I genuinely hope that I won’t have to feel this pain for three years, and I would think that anyone who HAS had to deal with it for that long could look back and think about how it felt in that first year. It’s very raw and intensely personal. Some days I feel like one big open wound walking around in a world of perfect people. That’s why I have you my bloggy friends! To remind me that we’re all a bunch of open wounds trying to find ways to heal the best we can! So I guess my point is, let’s all support each other and hope for world peace and stuff. In closing:
INFERTILES OF THE WORLD UNITE!