Because I tested two days ago. And it was negative. I of course did that math that we all do. I was at most 11 DPO when I tested, possibly only 9 DPO. But I don’t feel it. I don’t feel pregnant. Wouldn’t I feel it by now? After more than a year of waiting to feel something-anything? I think I would.
Anyway, que surrah. The way I look at it I’ve only ovulated three times in the last 14 months and while I’ve had 0% success rate, it’s not like I’ve ovulated consistently for a million years and not gotten pregnant. Even still, if I have another 3-4 ovulating months and no prego-ness, Chief is getting tested and he’s cool with that. He may even go before then, just to have the peace of mind or conversely, to know what we’re up against.
The good news is the weightloss is still a-go. I’ve lost over 3 pounds in the last 2.5 weeks. I know. 3 pounds is nothing to write home about. But it’s something. And it could be more than that by now, but my weigh-in day isn’t until Sunday, so I don’t know yet. Last night the Zumba tried to murder me. I was in the last routine and I turned over on my right foot. Curse words were said. Lots of them. I was three minutes from being done so I hobbled over to the couch and ended my work-out early. Tres pathetic, I know. But I don’t allow Chief to be home when I’m hurling myself around the room in a way that vaguely resembles latin dancing, so I didn’t want to risk hurting myself worse if he wouldn’t be around to throw me into a fireman’s carry and cart me off to the hospital.
There was one point this week (you’re all about to throw daggers at me, but hear me out) where I actually thought this might not be the best time to get pregnant because I am trying to lose so much weight and get healthy. Don’t get me wrong, seeing a positive test two days ago would have rocked my world and I would have broken out the bon bons and tossed weight watchers to the curb for a year, but at least I have a goal right now other than getting pregnant (since I fail at that miserably). And losing weight is something I KNOW I can do. Having some semblance of control over one part of my life is a big deal to me. And to be honest, if I had started seeing an RE (s)he would have said that the first thing I needed to do was lose weight. I think we all know that that’s true.
I’ve sucked at the blogging in 2013. Mea culpa, mea culpa. I am reading things that you guys write I promise. Just sometimes I don’t know what to say because I waffle between being happy with my lot in life and feeling extremely stuck. But I am here and I still care. And I think you’re all mondo-fabulous.