I didn’t test today

Because I tested two days ago. And it was negative. I of course did that math that we all do. I was at most 11 DPO when I tested, possibly only 9 DPO. But I don’t feel it. I don’t feel pregnant. Wouldn’t I feel it by now? After more than a year of waiting to feel something-anything? I think I would.

Anyway, que surrah. The way I look at it I’ve only ovulated three times in the last 14 months and while I’ve had 0% success rate, it’s not like I’ve ovulated consistently for a million years and not gotten pregnant. Even still, if I have another 3-4 ovulating months and no prego-ness, Chief is getting tested and he’s cool with that. He may even go before then, just to have the peace of mind or conversely, to know what we’re up against.

The good news is the weightloss is still a-go. I’ve lost over 3 pounds in the last 2.5 weeks. I know. 3 pounds is nothing to write home about. But it’s something. And it could be more than that by now, but my weigh-in day isn’t until Sunday, so I don’t know yet. Last night the Zumba tried to murder me. I was in the last routine and I turned over on my right foot. Curse words were said. Lots of them. I was three minutes from being done so I hobbled over to the couch and ended my work-out early. Tres pathetic, I know. But I don’t allow Chief to be home when I’m hurling myself around the room in a way that vaguely resembles latin dancing, so I didn’t want to risk hurting myself worse if he wouldn’t be around to throw me into a fireman’s carry and cart me off to the hospital.

Zumba

There was one point this week (you’re all about to throw daggers at me, but hear me out) where I actually thought this might not be the best time to get pregnant because I am trying to lose so much weight and get healthy. Don’t get me wrong, seeing a positive test two days ago would have rocked my world and I would have broken out the bon bons and tossed weight watchers to the curb for a year, but at least I have a goal right now other than getting pregnant (since I fail at that miserably). And losing weight is something I KNOW I can do. Having some semblance of control over one part of my life is a big deal to me. And to be honest, if I had started seeing an RE (s)he would have said that the first thing I needed to do was lose weight. I think we all know that that’s true.

I’ve sucked at the blogging in 2013. Mea culpa, mea culpa. I am reading things that you guys write I promise. Just sometimes I don’t know what to say because I waffle between being happy with my lot in life and feeling extremely stuck. But I am here and I still care. And I think you’re all mondo-fabulous.

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8 thoughts on “I didn’t test today

  1. Ha! That zumba picture is hilarious 🙂 I don’t let the husband watch me workout, either. I have not tried zumba yet, though. I would fear too much for the cats safety 🙂 Also, I tried for nearly two years and only “ovulated” twice and had three embryo transfers so that is a total of five shots at pregnancy in nearly two years time. I feel totally feel your pain.

  2. That is exactly how I feel right now – somewhere between stuck and grateful for all that is going right in my life. It’s not always an easy place to be.
    Congrats on the 3lbs!! that is great 🙂

  3. I refuse to let my husband watch me do my kickboxing DVDs. I think I’d rather let him watch me poop.

    I totally get where you’re coming from on the working out/losing weight thing. It’s like, once you get on a roll, it’s easier to keep going and it’s nice to have something to focus on besides getting pregnant. Keep it up no matter what! And don’t sell yourself short…3lbs is great and it’s 3 less you have to worry about!

  4. i know exactly how you feel about the losing wait, even wanting to wait to lose weight. i have been thinking the same thing, but sometimes i think no matter what we say to ourselves, or reason, or even really mean, once that test comes back or that period shows up (as did with me today), all of the reason goes out the door, and there is only disappointment.

  5. Boo for the last test, but good luck for the next one. Maybe it was too early. I am stuck at a weight I just cant seem to get past so well done on the three pounds.

  6. I wish i could do aerobic type dvds at home but the floors are total shite- and we have tenants down stairs. When I try it sounds like elephants are up here dancing around.

    Congrats on the weight loss- I totally get what you’re saying around having a focus and something to control. makes total sense to me.

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