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The Best and Worst Weekend Ever

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “Librarian! How can it be the best AND worst weekend ever?! And it’s only been a few days since your last post! We didn’t expect you for at least a week or two.”

Never fear bleeps, all shall be made clear.

There are lots of details to this post, so bear with me. or skip it-either way my feelings wont be hurt.

My period SUCKS. It gets worse every time. And I actually thought this one would be better because the first day was a moderate bleed, with mild cramps. Usually the first day is super heavy with horrific, nearly vomit inducing, sweating through the pain style cramps. So of course this time I was lulled into a false sense of security. I always take naproxen and tylenol at the first sign of cramps to try and head them off at the pass, so I went ahead and did that Friday night and went to bed.

Saturday I woke up at 4:00 am with horrific cramps and the worst acid reflux I’ve ever had in my life. Seriously. I really don’t get it very often, and when I do it usually just manifests as nausea and a tightness in my chest, but no. Not this time. Burning burning burning up my esophagus, nausea, pain from the cramps-it was horrible. I couldnt get back to sleep for more than a few minutes at a time and at 7:30 I threw in the towel. Chief had drill this weekend so I was forced to wallow (sitting up of course) in my bed of pain by myself.

It literally lasted most of the day. I kept having to choose between taking pain killers for the cramps or pepto for the acid. At around 11:00 am I said screw it and just took both, because I could NOT stand it anymore, and any ALLEGED drug interactions couldn’t be worse than how I felt. Chief brought me a Subway sandwich at noon and around 1:00 I felt well enough to function. I actually went to the gym and the commissary because, oh by the way, we were having company last night and I had a house to clean and a meal to cook.

Most of the afternoon I was pretty okay-cramps were basically gone FINALLY but the acid reflux was now manifesting as painful air bubbles that never resolved in burps. They would just sit there. It felt like when you swallow a chip with sharp edges that’s too big and hurts all the way down. But I was well enough to have our two best friends over for a few hours. We love them more than probably any other friends we have, and one of them is a pharmacy tech so she recommended I go to get some omeprazole from Walgreens. She said it can work wonders.

So after they left we went to walgreens and I located the omeprazole and was about to check out when I looked at the back panel and it said:

“Consult a doctor if you are taking prescription antifungals for a yeast infection”.

I am currently on a course of diflucan for a yeast infection. Fuck.

So I called my friend and she said that omeprazole was the best, but if I had to take something else I could take Zantac. Which I did, and it was okay. It didn’t completely eliminate it, but I was able to sleep with minimal waking and the acid APPEARS to be gone.

Here’s my point in giving you all these details: Why did I all of a sudden have acid reflux? I didn’t eat anything out of the ordinary, I’ve never really had it before, and I wouldn’t have thought much of it if it was just one short bought of it-but no, a whole weekend of it made me wonder. A LOT. So of course, I went to everyone’s favorite and least favorite doctor.

Dr. Google.

I googled “acid reflux and period” and “acid reflux that wont go away” and nothing really came up that made sense. But then, just for kicks, I googled “acid reflux and naproxen”.

Bingo.

I appear to be in a small group of people who can get acid reflux from naproxen. It does something to relax the sphincter at the bottom of the esophagus which makes it possible for the acid to enter the esophagus. That added to the extreme bloating I was feeling yesterday and Friday from being on my period created the perfect storm of crappy feelings.

That and my dad got mad at me for my schedule not being more flexible to his needs and hung up with me on the phone made most of yesterday just goddamn sucky. I called my mom and sobbed. I believe the transcript goes something like this.

“Hi Honey, I’m planting some roses right now! How are you?”
“BLUBBER BLUBBER DAD BLUBBER BLUBBER PERIOD BLUBBER BLUBBER CRAMPS ACID BLUBBER BLUBBER HUNG UP BLUBBER BLUBBER TOO FAT BLUBBER SUCKS”
“Oh honey. I completely understand. How can I make this better?”
“BLUBBER SOB NOTHING YOU CAN BLUBBER BLUBBER I SHOULD SOB BLUBBER OFF MY ASS BLUBBER BLUBBER WORK OUT BLUBBER”
“Well, don’t feel bad if you don’t feel up to it. Everyone has bad days. No one wants to work out on their period”
“BLUBBER BLUBBER THANKS BLUBBER BLUBBER SEE YOU LATER BLUBBER”
Hang up phone. Continue to blubber.

So yeah, that’s a whole lot of why it sucked, but the things that made it good were seeing our friends, actually getting my house clean, Chief is painting the bedroom as my birthday present (pictures to come!) and this.

As of today, bloating and all, I am 20 POUNDS DOWN!!!

Time for a new dress 🙂

Thanks for reading. Please go back to your fully functional lives now.

I Will NOT be an Absentee Blogger

I will not. I refuse. That’s right friends-you’re about to get more than once monthly blogging!

We’re going to have to make a deal you (as in all of you) and me. I want to blog. You guys are my friends. We became friends because we were all up the shit creek without paddles. Some of you have found your paddles and that’s great. I feel like my paddle is floating somewhere nearby, but my main focus is getting healthy before I grab hold of that paddle firmly-so this space is not always going to be related to my IF, my cycles, etc. I’m going to have to fill the void with other things-and I promise to do my best to keep it interesting.

And I promise to still love you paddle wavers out there, because I know you’ll wave your paddle joyfully when I find mine. That’s part of the deal. The other part of the deal is to not get bored with me when you all have your babies and I’m still out here babyless talking about non-baby related things.

Today I actually have a few IF related things to update:

My period started today OFFICIALLY. No spotting-just full on period. The last few weeks my boobs had really hurt so I’m taking that as a sign that I did ovulate, that my body is trying to do SOMETHING. I’m so proud of it, no matter how dysfunctional it is. We’re doing this together (is it weird that I’m talking about me and my body like we’re two separate things?), and my ovaries are trying to help out.

I’ve lost 19 pounds so far, which is about 10% (yes, now you can all do the math and figure out quite how fat I started out as). I want to lose at least 30% because I’m seeing such good things from the 10%! I would love to be a size 8-10. Right now I’m fitting into 14’s which is great, because I was headed into the danger zone of 18-20’s at the end of last year (I just can’t believe I let myself get there! Gah!). And here’s the big thing. I was at Old Navy the Friday before Easter looking for an Easter sun dress and I picked one out in an XL and tried it on.

IT. WAS. TOO. BIG.

That’s right, I bought a size large dress. I can’t tell you the last time I did that. I’ve weighed less than this and worn bigger sizes, so not only am I trimming down, but I’m finally starting to trim down in the right way I think. And I ordered THREE dresses from Mod Cloth and when they came in they ALL FIT. And if you guys don’t know modcloth, they are notorious for having dresses that don’t go above an XL and often come in a lot smaller than you expect.

So yeah. Losing weight. Being infertile. Doing what I do.

OH.

I forgot to tell you guys about the roses. I gots more of them. Like ten more.

Bitches be crazy y’all.