Cystem Failure

See what I did there? Yeah, you read right.

I’m pretty certain (I’d say 90% at this point) that the pain I was having yesterday was an ovarian cyst on my left side. Damnit

When I had my last cyst (at least, the last one that was big enough for me to notice) the pain was the worst when I was using the bathroom. So take from that what you will. Let’s just say that this morning was eye opening.

Y’all, really? This doesn’t seem fair. I mean, IF is possibly the biggest unfair thing in the world, but on a more day to day level, this seems particularly unfair. My follicles last month were too small to do anything, allegedly. Except maybe grow a big, mean, jerk-face cyst? And yeah, I don’t KNOW for sure that this is a cyst, but I’ve never felt anything like this before that wasn’t a cyst. I guess we’ll see how the next few days play out. Last time I let it get pretty bad before I called the doctor, mainly because I hate calling them. And I like to let things resolve on their own, which, they never do.

And last time he put me on a pack of BCP to get rid of it, and it worked. But I don’t wanna. I just don’t. Grumble.

In Chief news, he was supposed to have his SA done today, but his doctor sent him to the wrong place, so he ended up getting a prostate exam instead.

I’m not kidding.

He got a referral to Uralysis and they did bloodwork, a urine test, and a prostate exam. Then they had to refer him elsewhere for the SA. Y’all, we’ve waited something like six weeks for this appointment. We are FRUSTRATED. The only good thing (sort of) to come out of this is them making him do a urine test, because he had microscopic amounts of blood in his urine. Not visible to the naked eye, but it could be kidney stones or something more serious (let’s hope not). They’re not overly concerned about it, but he has to do a cytoscope on March 24. He was grumbling to me about a camera going in a “not fun place”, and all I said was “really? You’re going to complain about that to me? Let’s reevaluate”.

I was sympathetic, but to a point. I know that all of that sucks, and he is only 31 and doesn’t really need a prostate exam and sure, that’s unfun, but I’m 25 and have been violated in new and creative (and expensive) ways more times than I can count in the last year, so my sympathy just only goes so far. And luckily for him he knew when to stop whining. I am concerned about his kidneys though, and I’m glad they caught that.

So anyway, he has to do his SA NEXT Thursday. Normally I’d be mad that it keeps getting pushed farther and farther away, but since I’m nowhere near being ready to even take the letrozole it’s no skin off my nose. Dr. T actually called back yesterday and said I could start it whenever since I’m taking so long to cycle out, but I requested to wait. I want to BLEED, DAMNIT. And this was all before I realized I might have a cyst, so now I’m definitely not taking it until I bleed. It’s too expensive.

So, as usual, I’m just sort of floating around, waiting for things, trying not to eat my feelings.

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Tuesday

It is Tuesday. It is also 11 days after my last progesterone pill (of my second round of progesterone). Am I bleeding yet? The answer is no. Have I stalked Dr. T’s office yet with yet another voicemail about this problem? The answer is yes. I hate having to call them about every little thing. I’m sure they hate hearing my voice on the machine. But they’re good people, and they always call me back, so I know they will before the day is over.

The (good?) news is that I’ve been having light to moderate¬†cramping all day, so maybe that’s a thing? It’s certainly not unheard of for me to just cramp out of nowhere, but I’m really, really hoping this is for real. Some lower back pain and upset stomach as well. All good signs. I’m just ready to get this big mamba jamba period over with and move on with my life. I’m also super bloated (god willing just a result of my impending (please?) menstrual cycle), which does not make me want to go see the doctor, so hopefully they won’t want that.

So anyway, I’m feeling sort of ick, skipping family dinner tonight and probably my workout, and planning on a veg night on the couch. My mom has custody of my heating pad right now. I had loaned it to her for her geriatric dog’s hip, so hopefully I won’t need that right away. Otherwise I guess I can go buy another one. I’ve always thought I might need a spare anyway.

This weekend before the bloating and the ick, I bought a size ten dress and a size ten pair of dress slacks. That felt good. My weight has been up just a few pounds since Christmas, but things have been fitting better than ever, so maybe it is some legit muscle? I’ve been running up the stairs at the law firm carrying heavy books, so that could be a thing forealsies. I’m trying to not let it get me down. I’ve been going to the gym like a good girl and eating pretty clean. And I know I’ve gained some arm muscle because I have a few dresses I couldn’t get my arms into before that now fit in the sleeve.

So, in short, there’s really not much to report (that rhymed). Keep you posted.

Maybe I Slept Better? UPDATED

I think maybe.

I took a few pieces of advice. One was to myself from myself from last year, which is that if I get my ass back in the gym and actually work out, I’ll wear myself out some more. I slept so much better after I started working out. So yeah, the exercising started back up last week. I really do feel better-about everything. Those damn endorphins sure know how to do their job.

The second is Melotonin. THank you nonsequiturchica! I have been told about Melotonin before but forgotten about it. I have a prescription for Ambien at home, but I can’t take it. It really knocks me on my butt-even half of one does. I have a really hard time getting up in the morning.

So yesterday Chief and I had lunch together and I mentioned that I thought I might like to take Melotonin to see if it would help me sleep. He said that Officer told him that he takes it. So I had Chief pick some up for me and when I got home I saw it was in 1 mg pills and the bottle said to take one a day. Now, we all know our good friend Dr. Google. I paid him a little visit last night and he said anywhere from .2 mg to 2 mg a day, and that severe insomniacs take 5 mg a day for short time periods. Too much confliction. I wanted a weight chart to tell me how much to take damnit.

So anyway, I called Officer thinking I could get an idea based off of what he takes. Y’all, he takes 8 mg on the days he doesn’t take Ambien. So he was all “I bet you should take around 5”. Heck no. Let’s all remember, Melotonin is still a hormone, I’m not dallying with it that much unless under doctor’s orders. So I compromised with him that I’d take one at 8:30 and if I wasn’t getting a case of the sleepies by 9:30 I’d take another. Which I did. I’d say I was asleep by 10:15-10:30, which is an improvement. I did still wake up when Chief got home and a couple of other times, but I don’t felt like I was AS awake as I have been the last few weeks when I’ve been waking up. If that makes sense.

It was a LITTLE difficult getting out of bed at 5:00 am this morning, but not too shabby, and I feel okay right now. Rested. My big crash has started coming around 2:00 pm and I’ve been drinking coffee again to self-medicate that. I don’t really want to get into a coffee habit again, so I’m hoping to nip that in the bud today. We will see. I know I could drink worse things, but I like to add cream to my coffee.

I can’t decide if I should call Dr. T and ask him about all of this. Sleep isn’t really in his gynecological bag of tricks, but I don’t want to take anything that could mess up the other potions he’s given me from his bag of tricks. I feel like I have to call all the time, I don’t really want to bug him unnecessarily.

BTW, Period Gate 2013-2014 is still ongoing. Still waiting. I’m supposed to have one by Friday. I’ve had a couple of moments of very light cramping over the last few days, but nothing else. I just want to get it over with. A girl with endometriosis waiting for her first period since August doesn’t really have anything to look forward to. I’m trying to be positive and hopeful that the surgery would do it’s thing, but the period I had back in August was a bit of a doozy pain wise, so I’m skeptical at best.

Skeptical Librarian is Skeptical.

BTW, I really like somedaymama’s suggestion of Cap’n for my bosses nickname. So I’m going with it. It’s piratey. I like it.

Thanks for reading, IFLB’s (InFertile Lady Bloggers). Keep doing what you do.

UPDATE:

I just talked to my doctor’s office and they’re fine with the melatonin, especially in a low dose. Especially since right now I’m just waiting on a period. And especially since next cycle we’ll be using femara and a trigger. If we weren’t doing the trigger I would probably skip it for safety. But man, I need sleep. Real bad. Thanks for contributing though. I’ll feel better now that Dr. T has officially okayed it.

Night Shift Sucks And Other Stuff

It does suck. Really. Night shift. Much worse than night classes.

At least when Chief was in night classes, he was home at 8:30ish and I had him on Friday nights. Now he’s home at midnightish and I’m already asleep. The last couple of nights he’s been home around 8:00 because the weather has been too bad for flying, but he usually busies himself in other rooms trying to stay awake with projects until midnight at least so that when he DOES actually have to work until midnight he won’t be falling asleep. I get that. But it sucks. It’s almost worse having him around and not hanging out.

The absolute worst is my sleeping, or lack thereof. I have a devil of a time falling asleep without him, and then once I am asleep and he comes to bed around 12:00-1:00 am, I am instantly awake again. I’m such a light sleeper. Then I have a hard time falling back asleep. Then I’m up at 5:00-6:00 am, and the whole process starts over.

Being that yesterday was Fall Apart Thursday (since that’s my most emotional day it seems), I started letting myself spin into a downward spiral, and the only thing that saved me was that some sane part of my consciousness reminded myself that this will only last for four months. This too shall pass.

The other thing that didn’t help was last nights episode of Parenthood. Did anyone else watch that? I won’t go into details, because you know, spoilers and what not. But man, there was NO HAPPINESS to be had in that episode. I needed some happy. Thank bajeesus for Big Bang Theory.

On the upside, I’ve worked out at the actual gym twice this week, which is a hell of a lot more than I did in the entire month of December. I’m planning to go again Sunday. I would normally go tomorrow during after hours (because I’m working 9-6, which just happen to be the exact hours they’re open on Saturday), but I had to get a new military ID card and I haven’t set it up for after hours access yet. That needs to be on my list of things to do next week.

In more interesting news, there is someone new in our midst.

Bum

BUM

BADAAAAAAAAH!

My boss (not supreme boss) now knows about the blog.

Don’t worry, it wasn’t an accident. She has long known that I kept a blog relating to my IF, but I hadn’t showed it to her yet since it started out as just a thing that only Chief and I knew about. But then I found myself talking to her about you guys all the time so I decided to just share it with her. She knows what a high honor this is and is trustworthy, so no worries there.

However, she is deeply offended she doesn’t have a bloggy codename like everyone else. Any thoughts? Her favorite color is orange, she hates cats (I know, I just don’t get it either), she likes Jesus, and sometimes talks like a pirate (she says “yar” a lot). See what you can do with that.

Happy Friday bleeps.

EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU NEEDS TO READ THIS. I MEAN IT.

It has some religious overtones, but you can ignore them and look at the overall picture the author is talking about. I’m religious, but tend to not connect with that in my day to day life, so that’s what I did. We ALL need to remember the general message being expressed here.

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/whole-life/life-won%E2%80%99t-begin-your-next-milestone

READ IT.