Two Good Things

1. I FINALLY GOT A STRAIGHT ANSWER FROM MY INSURANCE COMPANY. They are terrible. TERRIBLE. I wrote them an online inquiry on Friday that basically said “I need this specific question answered and it is NOT answered simply by reading off my policy to me, which is what multiple claim reps have done over the phone. Please give me a detailed answer that does not involve repeating verbatim my policy”

What did they do?

They copy pasted my policy.

AND I FREAKING SCREAMED.

And then I jumped down their throat. I really went off about how frustrating this was, how much time I had wasted trying to get a SIMPLE question answered, how I had dealt with really unhelpful people, and how now, after SPECIFICALLY ASKING FOR A SPECIFIC ANSWER in WRITING, I had gotten the same crap that I had been getting all week. I even went as far to say that I found it insulting that their claim reps have no idea what they’re talking about in regards to infertility, a real medical condition, particularly during NATIONAL INFERTILITY AWARENESS WEEK.

My next answer was a legtimate, fo’realsies, answer. In writing. Here’s the scoop.

Infertility diagnosis IS covered but must be preauthorized (like, everything. Every little thing.) The GOOD news is that we have the FEHBP (Federal Employees Health Benefit Plan), and that plan doesn’t carry limitations on the testing like the other plan does, so I can have tests run more than once as long as my doctor preauthorizes them as “necessary”.

So, several weeks later, I finally have an answer. And it’s in writing, meaning they can’t go back now.

2. Chief can go to my appointment on Monday! At first he couldn’t because he was going to have to take a final at 10:30 and the appointment is at 9:45. Way too close for comfort-there’s just no way he’d make it. But his professor said he can take the final during the other class period on Thursday, so hooray for that! I’m so relieved to have him there with me. I hate doing this stuff alone and I want to present a united front. Plus, I’m always trying to get him to eat better for the sake of his swimmers, and I want a doctor to say that to him in front of me so I can hold it over him.

I’m SUCH a good wife.

Question: How long did your initial RE appointment last? Did they send you for any tests that day and if they didn’t, would they have if you had the availability? I’ve told the Captain that I have no idea when I’ll be back that day because, yeah, I really don’t. I’ve considered just taking the whole day off but that seems like overkill if I’m going to be done by 11:00. But Chief and I will want to eat lunch. So that’s half the day right there. But at the same time I need to be BUILDING PTO, not spending it.

Decisions.

Liebster Award

Y’all, you’re too nice. Because you keep nominating me for these and I’m TERRIBLE at them. I’m going to do better! This time I was nominated by Waiting on Our Welcome who if you didn’t know is totes preg! Huzzah and Hooray!

So anyway, Liebster business. Super fun-let’s do it!

So the deal is this:

You get nominated-yay!

You link back to the original nominee. Done!

You answer their questions a la truth or dare minus the dare part. In progress:

1. If you could only eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Urg. This is hard. Why does the first one have to be so hard? I have SO MANY FOODS that I love, but I also think I’d get tired of them very easily. The one food I can eat almost always without fail is Pizza, so that’s probably the safest. But since you said MEAL I’m also saying that even though I don’t drink Coke anymore, if I’m being penned into one MEAL forever, it’s going to include Coke. And chocolate cake for dessert.

2. If you were to die, but you would be reincarnated as an animal, which animal would you choose?

I feel like you’re asking me what my spirit animal is. The most boring and obvious answer is cat, but well fed and loved house cat please. I get quite jealous of my cats when I have to go to work, particularly on days that I am NOT. FEELING. IT. Plus-have you ever met an infertile cat? And if they exist do you think they care? No. They are beyond caring. Caring is for chumps.

3. What is your favorite movie snack?

I’m a big ole’ fan of straight up buttery popcorn, but Chief also likes to get those frozen icee thingies and I love those too.

4. When you indulge(and pretend your aren’t ttc) what do you indulge in?

Ummm…food? But that’s not the healthy answer. Chief and I love to shop. Or at least, I love to, and he seems to like my company, and usually sneaks in a trip to Sears to look at tools when we are out and about. I’m also a big gardener, but that’s of course seasonal.

5. What is your go to, have-to-have, article of clothing?

Cardigan! Gotta cover these pudgy arms at work, although I’m getting more comfortable with them when we’re out and about.

6. When you were younger, what did you want to be when you grow up?

A performer of some sort. Singer, professional figure skater, or something. When I got to high school and realized that I hated performing, I moved on to band director, before I finally settled in to librarian. In preschool I was convinced I wanted to be a giraffe. It’s probably a short girl complex.

7. If a stranger gave you a million dollars, and said you would get another million to keep IF you donated the first million to a charity, what charity would it be?

Humane Society hands down. Easiest question so far.

8. What are you embarrased to enjoy?(tv-show, books, movies…etc)

Various ABC family television shows. Pretty Little Liars, Switched at Birth, but also Dance Moms (which isn’t on ABC Family). And I liked the Twilight books well enough, but I’m not embarrassed by it. Freedom to read what you want peeps!

You list 11 Random things about yourself: In progress

Hmm Eleven. That’s a random number. Seems like a lot. I’ll do my best.

1. I have had my girl baby name picked out since I was quite young, like late elementary early middle school. I’m not really afraid of anyone here “stealing it”, because even if you do name your baby that we don’t live near each other, and also, SOME BABIES HAVE THE SAME NAMES SO IT’S NOT A BIG DEAL. It’s Ella. My middle names are ever changing, but I picked Ella after reading Ella Enchanted, and it’s just always stuck.

2. My boy baby name is Ezra. Chief is not a fan, but has basically agreed that I’m doing the hard part, so he can agree to the name. Captain says that he got to pick the last name. I think it’s an excellent point.

3. My biggest pet peeve is probably lateness. I’ve always been an “if you’re not early you’re late” kind of person. I HATE running late.

4. I’m pretty hard on myself. Not just in TTC (although obviously there), but in everything. I don’t like making the littlest, most innocuous of mistakes, and especially at work I tend to apologize to the point of annoying people. I don’t know where this comes from, but it’s gotten worse since I’ve become an assistant manager. I just feel like I SHOULDN’T make mistakes. Like I should be above them. And Captain is like a walking encyclopedia of knowledge just in general, but especially about our job, so when I mess up simple things I feel especially dumb.

5. I tend to put too much stock into Karma. Like, if I don’t let someone over on the interstate (which I tend to do ONLY if they do that annoying thing where they hover but DON’T put their turn signal on. Just put your freaking signal on!) I’ll think “I’m not being nice enough, that’s why I’m not getting pregnant”. I KNOW IT’S RIDICULOUS, but I do it.

6. If Chief didn’t have some sense to keep it from happening, I’d probably have at least three more cats than I already have (four).

7. I haven’t read a “real book” since Chief bought me my Kindle last year before my surgery (July). I feel guilty about this.

8. I am a pretty good singer and piano player, but I hate performing. It’s a catch 22. Chief has never really heard me sing as a result. I will play for him, but it took me a while to get there.

9. I drink milk straight out of the carton if I think no one is looking.

10. I would ALWAYS rather take a bath than a shower. I like to lay back and let my hair flow out around me like a mermaid. It’s probably why I keep getting ear canal infections.

11. I really, really, REALLY want to pay someone to clean my house. Because god I hate it.

Nominate 3-5 bloggers with less than 200 followers:

1. So Ready For You
2. Meant to Be Mommy
3. Mama At Heart

And after you have your victims selected, you make up some questions for them!:

1. Is your partner the kind of person you thought you’d end up with?
2. What is your most favorite movie of all time-like, couldn’t live without it on a desert island kind of favorite.
3. If you could live anywhere else in the world where would it be?
4. If you had the option to never work again and have enough money in spite of this, would you take it?
5. Pants or Skirts-which is your preference?
6. Any funny birthmarks? Do you, like Albus Dumbledore, have a map of the London Underground on your knee?
7. What personal care item do you live and die by? An eyeliner? A shampoo? Tell me all your secrets.
8. What is your tried and true TTC disappointment coping technique. The world wants to know.

And that’s all she wrote!

Just Hanging Around

Thanks to everyone who has been praying and thinking and donating and hoping for the tornado victims. As I’m sure you saw, more states were affected last night and the death toll from this storm system is up to 28 I think. It is truly heart breaking.

Last night I went to the store and I bought $250 worth of toiletries (travel size-you can get a lot more and help more folks!), feminine products, diapers, formula, water, non perishable individually packaged snacks, blankets, pillows, pet food, garbage bags, plastic cutlery, and I’m sure something else that I’ve forgotten. When my dad found out that I was going he told me I could spend up to $200 on his card, so I just split the bill with him. I decided to check out when my cart was full, and I mean FULL. I kept having to rearrange things so they would fall out. This is the first time in my life where I have a little extra money to help, and it feels really good. The Captain is going to take it all to her church today because they (among many others) are collecting for the tornado victims. I also donated a little to the humane society who is assisting in the most affected county. I know if my house was hit I would want someone taking good care of my fur babies until we could be reunited.

In infertility related news, I broke up with Dr. T. Yesterday. Now it’s beginning to feel real. In a no turning back kind of way. I left his nurse a voice mail explaining what our plan was and letting her know that I hoped to be back soon and pregnant and asked them to wish me luck. And I had my files faxed over. Eek! So much nervous! But I also can’t wait. I just don’t want to be disappointed. I want this doctor to be really positive and proactive. The thing I’m most bummed about is I assume I’ll be sitting this cycle out treatment wise because of testing. I hate sitting out. I just want to get going.

But other than that I’m just hanging around, popping progesterone. My cramps have been worsening and I always think I’m going to breakthrough bleed, but it hasn’t been a problem so far. I just think that it won’t take long after I stop the progesterone for the gates to break open. Chief has drill this weekend and I have no plans other than laundry laundry laundry. If the cramps are bad I can probably do laundry in a pain killer haze. Nothing ventured nothing gained, right?

16 DPO, CD 29

So, in a normal world, I would have gotten my period by now or be getting it tomorrow. On medicated cycles I tend to have around a 16 day luteal phase. But I’m extending my progesterone to try and time my next cycle around my RE visit, so yeah. I’m stuck with the sore boobs for a few more days.

I THINK I’m going to take my last progesterone on Thursday night in the hopes that I’ll start my period on Saturday (what a happy weekend gift…). This would put CD 3 on Monday, best case scenario. I would rather my cycle start too late than too early, because I can always make a blood draw appointment AFTER my initial appointment with my RE. I can’t make one before.

Here’s a question-will they do CD 3’s and consider them accurate after a medicated cycle? I’d been thinking about that lately and trying to avoid obsessive googling.

Yesterday was an absolutely insane day at work. It’s our big yearly festival day and the Captain and I were running ragged by 6:00. I slept like a ROCK but woke up sore all over. I’m in bed with the heating pad on my back while Chief runs out to pick up a few things for the never ending bathroom remodel as well as lunch. Today I woke up feeling like I was working on an ear infection on the left side. My ear canal hurts like it did before my bad ear infection the month of our wedding. It’s the absolute last thing I need. I’m hoping I can take a benadryl tonight and maybe it’ll help something drain. HATE ear infections.

Happy Sunday.

Progesterone and How to Break Up with My OBGYN

Good Morning Bleeps.

I am feeling better today. Still a little blue around the edges, but better-and I owe it all to you. You were all there for me yesterday. It’s so wonderful to have a group of ladies who can really identify with me in this struggle. You really got me through it. On the agenda for today are discussions of Progesterone and breaking up with Dr. T.

1. Progesterone. So here’s the thing. I’ve taken Prometrium in the past when I haven’t ovulated to bring on a period. It never gave me symptoms, I think because it is a small dose (200 mg a day before bed). This time however I believe I DID ovulate, because my symptoms have been terrible. Crampiness, really, REALLY sore boobs (let’s just get down to it, they’re not sore, they’re PAINFUL), bloatedness, etc. So anyway. Since I’m not pregnant my natural progesterone is going to fall probably sometime this weekend. I want to extend my cycle to try and time CD 3 as close to my appointment on May 5 as possible. With my natural progesterone falling soon (its 13 DPO today), should I double up my artificial progesterone dose to try and keep my lining in tact as long as possible? I just feel like 200 mg won’t be enough.

 

2. I’ve been trying to decide what to do about my OBGYN. I know I shouldn’t feel so special as to think that he’s just going to be crushed when I leave, but I also don’t want to just fax over the release of information form and let him find out that way. I feel like I should call the nurse and let her know what I’m doing and that I hope to be back, and pregnant, by the end of the year. I even thought about baking them cookies and hand delivering the release form. I just want them to know that I don’t blame them for not getting pregnant. If anything I blame myself for not leaving earlier when I knew I should. Did any of you have this sort of struggle? I’m just incredibly loyal to him. I’ve been through a lot while in his care-me and the nurse talk like friends when I’m there. It’s just tough for me.

 

So, thoughts?