The Blues

Everyone talks about baby blues, but there should be some “cutesy” term for the IF blues.

I’m feeling better. Am I fixed? No.

One of the really lucky things about this week is that one of my best library friends who works at another library is here working with us. Her branch is under construction so they let her come hang out with us. She knows ALL about my struggles (I bet she wishes she knew less honestly) and was the first person I told when I was bleeding (mainly because she was right there). She’s been really supportive and talking to her this afternoon instead of hiding in my office (which is what I’d been doing, confession) made me feel a lot better.

Would I still rather be in my bed? Oh heck yes. But it no longer feels painful to be away from it. I’ve actually done a lot of research about therapists in my area for the last few months, but I really want one that I KNOW is sensitive to infertility and I can’t find anyone like that who is covered by our insurance. I only found ONE therapist in our twon that even mentions infertility on their website. Money shouldn’t be everything, but it’s sort of a big deal. I really want to use our insurance if possible. So I’m going to keep looking and maybe ask for some references. I think talking to someone would help, but we all know that talking to the WRONG someone can definitely hurt.

Also, here’s where I talk about those embarrassingly named supplements. I’m sorry, but people should not make fun puns based on infertility. I mean, Fertili-TEA? Virili-TEA? Fuggedaboutit.

That being said, I’ve finally bitten the bullet and ordered some ovaboost and fertileCM. I’ve talked to Dr. T about this stuff in the past and his response has been “It couldn’t hurt. Might even help” based on ingredients. THe Ovaboost has Myo-Inositol, melatonin, and folic acid along CoQ10 and some other things. I forget about the fertileCM. But CM is something I know I have a problem with, so I’m okay with stacking the deck on that a little. The worst thing that can happen is it doesn’t work and I’ve wasted some money. I’ve also had evening primrose oil recommended to me, so I’m considering that. Also, my friend I mentioned earlier suggested I do something that made me feel more in control. Buying the supplements did that, and also helped with my shopaholic like tendencies.

I also spent some time researching the RE’s in our area and reading their online review. The one that is covered by my insurance (and by covered, I mean the insurance covers diagnosis and IVI (intravaginal insemination. Please.)) is the one with fairly good reviews. There’s a lady RE who is at our best hospital who didn’t really have any reviews but is apparently award winning and a published author, so I’m going to mention them both to Dr. T and see what he thinks. Because I know we’re getting closer to that point. And by that point, I mean IUI, because I can’t see any way for Chief and I to afford IVF and then actually afford to have the (hopefully) resulting child.

So, yes, I am going to go home tonight and get in bed, but in my defense I don’t get off until 8:30 so it will almost be bedtime anyway. And I think tomorrow  I’ll have an easier time getting out of bed than I did today. Baby steps.

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