Stepping on My Soapbox at CD 17, 4 DPO

It is indeed CD 17, 4 DPO. Whats happening you might ask? Slightly sore breasts (started the progesterone last night, which I’m sure is adding to that), tender ovaries on both sides, some digestive distress. On the other hand, my hair looks awesome, so that’s a win. This morning I was plagued with feelings of doom and “It’s never going to happen”, but I was able to move past it with work and music, so I consider that to be a win as well.

*Steps on Soapbox*

Over at Babymaking Sucks you may have seen this little diddy about natural childbirth and the culture that goes with it. I thought it was so interesting to read, even from the perspective of someone who has never given birth, because I already feel the pressure that this culture puts on us. Even from my own mom who insists that natural is the way to go, it’s not that bad, and women who make it seem that way are wimps. Seriously, her words, not mine. I mean, I love my mom, but if I had it my way I would go the Twilight Sleep route. I want a baby, and if there is some sort of contract I have to sign saying I’ll do it au natural to make it happen, then I would have signed that contract yesterday, no, two and a half years ago.

But that contract doesn’t exist. The funny thing is, if I actually get pregnant and get to the point of giving birth, then it’s nobody elses damn place to tell me how to do it (except maybe my doctor). But women ALREADY brag to me about how they went natural and that I should as well when the time comes. One of my friends was on facebook an hour after her baby was born talking about 19 hours of completely drug free labor. She said she was a “beast” and a “warrior” for having done it. Okay….are you saying that all the other women who ALSO carried a baby for nine months but opted to not be in pain during labor are less than you? Are they not warriors as well? Does one day of drugs take away nine months of hard work? Hells no. I call bullshit.

I don’t think that this is just a natural birth vs. epidural birth issue (heaven forbid you opt for a c-section). I know I’m not the only one out there who will say that it’s also a mother vs non-mother issue. For SOME women with kids, if you’re not a mom then you don’t understand. You’re wrong. Your thoughts on what you want for your life are irrelevant because you have no kids. You’ll see someday. Even if you’re pregnant or trying to become pregnant and you dare to say to a mother that you want a c-section, or to use formula instead of EBF, they will instantly let you know how wrong you are. Don’t worry-once you are IN labor you’ll get it. Once you HAVE kids you’ll understand. It’s a superiority issue that is hard to comprehend, and quite honestly, impossible for me to accept. I feel it from my friend who preaches at me that Yoga is the way and the path to babies. For goodness sake, I sometimes feel it from my own mother.

What’s the point of this soapbox rant? It is me formally telling you all that if I ever get pregnant and have a baby I will NEVER give unsolicited advice or tell someone how they should do a thing unless they explicitly ask me. I will NOT be that person who says “You’ll change your mind when you have kids” EVEN IF I’M THINKING IT, because I know how much it sucks to be on the receiving end. And if someone comes to me with fertility problems I will hold their hand, tell them I understand and that it sucks, and ask them if I can help them in anyway. Basically, I just pledge to be as good a person as I can be, because that is a whole hell of a lot more important than feeling right all the time.

*Jumps off soapbox. Probably falls and skins knee*


12 thoughts on “Stepping on My Soapbox at CD 17, 4 DPO

  1. You own that soapbox lady! I was on the receiving end of the “oh when you have kids you’ll change your mind/it’llbe different/then you’ll know” conversation a few weeks ago and all I could do was smile and nod and change the subject. I’ve seen and heard with friends of mine how motherhood is fraught with unsolicited advice and judgement, but we’re not even mothers yet! Let us join the club before the onslaught of maternal advice begins!

  2. Yes! I must be fortunate because I can’t think of anyone who went without drugs. My one friend planned to go drug free but she had complications and had to have a c-section. My other friend who had a vaginal birth was like, oh my god, take the drugs as soon as you are offered them. She was actually pissed about the whole birthing process. She’s like, society makes it seem like this lovely thing but it’s awful. Just awful. Good to know.

    • That must make me smarter than most of society, because I have always thought the whole process seems horrifying, and clearly invented by a man. Never have I ONCE thought of childbirth as beautiful. Beautiful results, horrible process.

  3. I love, love, love this post! Everything about TTC, being pregnant, giving birth, and being a parent is riddled with personal, individual choices. As it should be in this day and age, IMO. This is the 21st century for heaven’s sake, and we should all be grateful for the array of options we have in front of us to handle life’s challenges and opportunities. We have the CHOICE to opt for pain relief during childbirth. We have the CHOICE to pursue help getting pregnant when we need/want it. We have a CHOICE about how to feed our babies, whether breastfeeding, formula, or some combination. We even have breast pumps to help us implement that choice if we so choose. For none of these things, and for so many other aspects of life, is there a universal “right” choice. We should all be a little more respectful and accepting of each other and our personal choices, especially in the areas of reproduction and child rearing.

    I also have to say something about the pressure of our society to breastfeed. There are a lot of absolute breastfeeding Nazis out there. For those who haven’t had the experience yet, at least in the US doctors and nurses will ask you almost as soon as you POAS and get that second line whether you plan to breastfeed yet. God forbid you admit you haven’t thought about it yet, they will start in on the preaching. Usually before that urine test is even dry. With my first pregnancy, this completely caught me off guard and I remember looking at the nurse blankly like, OMG of course I have not thought about this yet! I just spent YEARS trying to get pregnant in the first place, which, as you know, is an all-consuming process. I didn’t think about anything else whatsoever during that time except TTC. Nothing about how I would deliver a baby, feed a baby, or (gulp) pay for having said baby, which they also discuss with you at a ridiculously early date. Anyway, all this about the evils of formula when I was barely 6 weeks!

    I could go on and on, but I’ll stop. Thanks for letting me borrow your soapbox. Sorry I used it without asking first.

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