I Maybe Hate Thursday

I don’t know quite what the problem is, but I’m having a tears-ready-to-fall-at-any-moment sort of day.

It feels REALLY dumb, because nothing really terrible has happened. I’ve had two people change their schedule in a way that doesn’t really affect anyone. I’ve had one person call in sick. I was really tired and had a hard time getting out of bed this morning. I couldn’t get the desk schedule to work in a way that made everyone happy. None of these things should make me want to simultaneously fall on the floor and sob while also flinging rotten fruit at people. But for some reason, that’s where I am today. I’m having another “feeling overwhelmed” day and I just need to get over it, because it’s not going to get any better AND THERE’S NO LOGICAL REASON FOR IT. Maybe hormone related? I’m ready to take my last progesterone tonight. So ready for it. Let’s just get this thing over with.

Honestly, I’m just ready to get this WHOLE thing over with. Most days I’m excited about the new RE and new treatments and possible diagnoses, but today I’m just tired. The “My uterus isn’t broken girl” has been posting on facebook about how she wants to be a surrogate for someone because she just loves being pregnant. And I just want to smack her. Ultimately I know what she’s saying is a good thing for a potential infertile woman who could partake of her services, but for me it’s just her reminding me, AGAIN, that she can do a thing that I can’t, or at least haven’t been able to yet.

Chief has two more weeks of night shift and that feels interminable. Which is RIDICULOUS, because he’s already done four weeks of night shift. Two weeks I can handle. I’m just ready to get some semblance of my life back where I can cook dinner and eat with my husband and go to the gym with him and go to sleep at the same time he does. I haven’t had that in forever. Even last semester he was in night classes, so we still were apart. I’m just done.

Sorry to blow up your feed with my gloominess. I’ll be fine I know. I’m just having “one of those days”.

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11 thoughts on “I Maybe Hate Thursday

  1. It happens at the most random times, I think. We all try really hard to be positive (because being positive means we’ll get pregnant faster!) but then silly little things throw us over the edge. And the extra hormones don’t help at all.

  2. I blame hormones… but I use that as a crutch and cop-out on a fairly regular basis. I totally understand your frustration with night shift. Hubs has been on it for years though so it’s all we know.

  3. Friend, you’re allowed to have gloomy moments. This stuff is tough!

    And I would totally smack that surrogate wannabe. What a smug, intolerable soul. Yuck.

  4. There’s nothing wrong with feeling down every now and again. Get it off your chest. Kick, scream, cry, whatever you need to…and then try to find one positive. (I’m reading these out of order so I know you already got to this step and have counted blessings but that’s exactly what you should be doing.) It’s important not to deny what you’re feeling. You have every right to be pissed or sad. Just don’t let it consume you.

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