Feeling maybe too positive

I am brimming with positivity today. I can’t decide if it’s good or bad.

I already feel like I’ve sort of beaten the odds. I mean, yesterday, my extremely experienced, long-practicing, well respected fertility doctor was pretty convinced this cycle would be over before it started. I was too.  I mean, guys, this was a good sized cyst. I noticed it immediately. And it hurt. I fully expected my E2 number to be through the roof. Definitely not 65. Also-look at how normal my LH and FSH are. What a change in one month when I didn’t even ovulate!

So now I feel fairly convinced that by the time I get on a plane to go to Alaska I’ll be pregnant. Which is just a little over two months from now.

I know being positive is a good thing. Positivity helps in healing and in general, it’s good to just feel good. It’s way better to feel like something’s going to work than that it’s not. I’m just not sure it’s wise to feel convinced that within two IUI’s I’ll be knocked up. Chief and I have decided to go for as many as five IUI’s before even talking about saving up for IVF. I’ll be happy if we can get it right within five. But no, for some reason, today I feel like it will take only one or two.

And if I’m wrong I guess my consolation prize is Alaska. Not too shabby.

Here’s what I’m also brimming with: sleepiness. This week has been long and emotionally difficult. I’m working tomorrow as well and have two programs, so let’s put it this way: there will be no prying my butt out of bed on Sunday. I will get up when I want to, and I probably won’t do much when I’m up. I can’t imagine staying up past 9:00 at this point tonight. I. am. whipped.

Amusing anecdote from yesterday:

After the nurse called the first time and said all my lab work was normal she had to call my doctor to get permission to issue me the letrozole. So, I won’t lie, I waited with some baited breath for a few hours. I was so, so hopeful and I was afraid he was going to say no because of the size of the cyst. So when I saw the clinic calling I was sitting down with my boss and someone from PR. We were waiting on some other folks to start a meeting. Then I looked at the Captain and said “this is the doctor!” and got up and ran out of the room. When I picked up the phone I said “Hello?” (like I didn’t know who it was-you know, playing it cool) and she said “Yes this is Nurse so-and-so from Dr. Whoosywhatsits office?” (playing it normal) To which I replied “Yes, Hi, this is she, hi, yes” (playing it batshit crazy).

I’m a fun girl.

Also, I need a blog name for my doctor. I thought about naming him Dr. Guatemala since that’s where he’s from, but I’m not sure that would be any better than naming him Dr. Black Guy if he were African American. I like to avoid being offensive at all costs. What do you guys think? I mean, when people identify me as American I don’t get offended, but I feel like as a somewhat privileged white female I don’t have much room to draw offense. I could name him Dr. Laugh because his laugh is so adorbs I suppose.

Too sleepy to go on. Many hours of work left.


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