Finally heard from the doctors office

I feel…non plussed.

I spoke to a nurse that I’ve interacted with before. She’s not my favorite-she’s very gruff. I once saw her give a girl a real dressing down for not getting her meds situated, and I don’t know the whole story, but the girl just seemed confused. I felt bad for her. When I had to deal with her to get MY meds ordered last week, she was okay. She wasn’t SUPER helpful, but she did give me the piece of paper that ultimately led to us getting 50% off, so that’s fine. I don’t need my hand held.

Anyway, she called me today and said “This is nurse so and so from So and So Fertility. Can I help you with something?”

So then I had to repeat my message from yesterday. I’m guessing she didn’t really listen to it? Or someone else listened to it and told her to call me? Most thankfully, my pain is virtually gone today, leading me to believe that maybe I had a cyst and that it’s either ruptured or shrunk. So I told her I wasn’t so concerned about the pain so much anymore, but that I was a little worried that my period wasn’t here yet. She said it could take up to ten days, so that would be Friday. I then said that I was now concerned that my period would interfere with my trip, and she said if I don’t get my period by Friday they can give me a pack of birth control to take which would probably hold it off for when I’m in Alaska, which I’m fine with honestly. I’ll probably get the Rx on Friday but wait to start them until Sunday, just to give Saturday one last chance to be potential CD 1.

I’ve become pretty zen about it today. It’s so out of my hands at this point. I of ALL people know that if the PIO doesn’t work there’s nothing they can do to make it come in time. And that’s fine. September will be fine. It’ll all be fine.

I want a baby, but Chief and I need a break so bad. Work has been tough lately. Yesterday I was hit on, called rude, and told I was petty by three different patrons. I’m beginning to wonder what possessed me when I took this job (not this one in particular, but the job of librarian). So right now it’s really important to me that endometriosis and PCOS have no place in our vacation. I’m not flying across the country to be stuck in a hotel room with my percocet and a heating pad.

Thanks for all your continued support, and thanks for caring so much about this girl you don’t even know. You guys are the bestest!

From Cranky to Concerned

So, you guys know how I mentioned I’ve been having some ovarian pain?

I don’t think I mentioned that in the last few days it’s gotten so bad that I can’t sit for any length of time. I’m constantly up walking around my office. If I sit for too long I get a really sharp unpleasant pain in my lower left (you know, the side my dud follicle is on?). To a certain extent I can feel it on my right as well-but the left is definitely worse.

So NOW I’m afraid I have a cyst, but I gotta tell you, this pain isn’t like any cyst pain I’ve had before.

It is PERFECTLY possible that I’ve just hurt my back, but my gut just tells me that’s not it. I buckled under and put a call in to Dr. McLadyParts about it. I know they’re just going to ask if I want to come in and have him look, and I DON’T WANT TO. I don’t want to go to that office unless there’s some hope of something good.

What I’m hoping they’ll do is call back and say “Oh that’s a perfectly normal thing with a super official name that sometimes happens from a PIO shot. And by the way, your period should start any moment.”

But please. I think we all know that’s not going to happen.

At this point if he wanted to put me on a round of BCP’s I’d be fine with that. I honestly can’t care that much anymore. The Gonal isn’t going to go bad over the next month in my fridge. What I do NOT want to happen is any of the following scenarios:

1) a horrific period while I’m in or traveling to Alaska
2) any kind of period while I’m in or traveling to Alaska
3) A cyst rupture while I’m in or traveling to Alaska
4) Dealing with this unexplained pain while in or traveling to Alaska. NINE FUCKING HOURS ON A PLANE AND I CAN’T SIT FOR MORE THAN TEN MINUTES AT A TIME? No, thank you.

I need to get this shit UNDER CONTROL.

Disgusting.

Ugh. Y’all. Parsley tea is WRETCHED. I couldn’t get it down-hot or cold. I took a few big gulps and literally gagged and hacked into the sink after every swallow. I had to pour it out. And now my throat feels permanently scarred from the wretching. Every time I try to speak I sound like a boy going into puberty.

Also, damnit, I’m still not bleeding. So. Effing. Cranky.

Also, I have to let it go. I can’t make it happen. It’s only been seven days since the shot. It’s only CD 29. I must calm down. My lower back has been hurting and I’ve had increased discharge (when I know I’m not going to ovulate or we’re at the end of the cycle, I just call it discharge. I can’t explain why. It’s like it doesn’t deserve the title of cervical mucus).

And for those of you hopefuls, I did take a Wondfo HPT before trying to gag down the parsley tea and it was negative. I KNEW it would be, but I also felt like it would be irresponsible to not check JUST in case.

I’m doing everything I can. I’m taking hot baths. I’m using my heating pad (which is not really optional, because as I said, my lower back hurts like crazy). I went to Zumba last night. I’m eating healthy. It’ll come. Right? Right. I still have four days before we ride into the danger zone.

In other news:

Yesterday I got an email asking me to come in for an interview on that job I applied for. I felt a little panicky for a few reasons:

1. They weren’t supposed to contact me until after August 1st-that’s what they said would happen!
2. Interviews aren’t supposed to start until August 13th-mine is on August 6th (if you’re doing the math, yes, that IS next Wednesday.
3. I have to interview with a “Selection Committee” (yes, it was capitalized in the email)
4. Holy crap what am I doing?! I have a great job! I’m secure! I’m safe!

I’m a chicken. But I’m going to do it. It could be an amazing opportunity. I have got to stop being afraid of stepping outside my safe space. That’s what kept me from seeing an RE for so effing long and look at where that got me.

So, deep breaths. I have a job interview next Wednesday at 9:30 am. God willing I’ll be shooting myself up with Gonal-F by then.

On Bleeding

Or the lack of it, that is.

I want to. I want to bleed from my vagina. Please and thank you.

Now I know being stressed about it won’t help the situation at all. A watch pot never boils or something ridiculous like that. But please. PLEASE UTERUS. You have never done ANYTHING good for me in my ENTIRE. LIFE. All I’m asking is that you shed that useless lining so we can move on.

Saturday I started feeling some low grade cramping. It basically lasted all day and I thought “Yep. She’s on her way, with plenty of time to spare before Alaska!”

Well, it’s Monday kids. The cramping has basically stopped, though my ovaries hurt. What the hell does that mean? I mean, I got a massive dose of progesterone so I’m not going to ovulate at this point. I’ve been having increased discharge for the last few days, but not even a hint of spotting.

The way I figure it, I REALLY need to start by Friday at the latest-MAYBE Saturday. That would put CD 14 as the day before I fly out. I would think with injectables we could do an IUI by then, but what do I know? That’s why I really want it to come sooner-I would like a few buffer days.

I’m considering eating lots of Parsley and Vitamin C gummies, since both things are supposed to bring on your period faster. Although the idea of chomping down on raw parsley is not…appetizing. And I have no idea how much of either thing to use. I don’t want to OD on Vitamin C. That would probably put a damper on things. The internet is sort of unhelpful on dosage instructions for this kind of thing.

So just, please, please, PLEASE uterus. Please. Shake it out a la Florence and The Machine style.