The good, the bad, the progesterone, and the gonal-f

So, let’s just go ahead and get the bad news out of the way-shall we?

That follicle shrunk. It went from a 13 to a 12. Ain’t nothin’ happenin’ inside me this cycle. He said in a far fetched world I COULD have ovulated and this COULD be a different follicle, so I COULD get pregnant this cycle-but please. I’m not that girl. He offered to try and give it a few more days or to even start gonadotropins (I’m sure I spelled that wrong. I am also sure I don’t care) for a few days and see if that would wake it up, but I said I only wanted to spend money on gonadoptrins if the cycle looked really good, and he agreed. So instead I got a big old shot of progesterone in my ass today that will hopefully make me bleed in 7-10 days. I didn’t know that one shot of PIO could do that, but I guess he’s the doctor.

The good news is a couple of things:

I got to see Dr McLadyParts, not Dr. BadBedsideManner. I did have to deal with the student doctor today, but she was better. She sat in my consultation in his office, and I could see her watching me for reactions. I remained extremely stoic and, if anything, logistic. I told him about Alaska next month. He thinks that we can get an IUI in with Gonal-F stimulation before I leave, but we will definitely have to bank Chief’s sperm before he goes since he’s leaving a week before me. It’s going to be cutting it close to get the IUI done-I could be on the IUI table on the 16th and then flying out on the 17th. We’ll see. My period has to cut me some slack and come in a timely manner. Start your hip thrusting in my direction now ladies. I need a bleed.

Also, goddamnit this shot hurts. It didn’t hurt going in, but I’m definitely feeling the after effects.

The other good news is that we’re applying to get discounts on the Gonal-F. I doubt we’ll qualify for a financial one, but the lady told me on the phone that military qualify for 25% guaranteed. The form said “active” military, but we’ve learned that they don’t really mean active duty so much as a current member of a branch. My husband is national guard which means he’s not an active duty, but he wears a uniform to work every day and does the same work as the active duty guys and, oh yeah, fought for his country in Iraq for a year. So we better damn qualify for at least the 25% off. I have no idea what dose of Gonal-F he wants me on, so I don’t even begin to know how to calculate our costs. We’ll definitely be using FFP (Freedom Fertility Pharmacy).

There were many, many points today where I thought I’d cry but didn’t:

1. When I at first saw my follie on the screen and thought it looked bigger, only to find out it wasn’t.

2. When we started talking about injectables

3. When the nurse was injecting the PIO

4. When I used the bathroom before I left

5. When the sympathetic check-out girl only charged me my copay

6. When I talked to Chief pulling out of the lot

7. When the captain told me she was feeling bad and not coming to work (I haven’t seen her since last Thursday and this is in no way meant to guilt her or anything, but man these last few days have sucked, work wise and fertility wise, and I miss her)

I teared up on every single one of these occasions but did not cry. I’m supposed to have dinner with a friend tonight but I’ve asked her if I can beg off until tomorrow. I just don’t think I’d be the best company today. I’ve got a full day of work, and I’m fine-but everything is spiraling in the direction I didn’t want it to. Injectables, IVF, more money and then some more money. More stress. More fear. More waiting.

Always more waiting.

But I’m okay today. I’m bucking up and moving on. I have a plan to clutch in my hands for the next few weeks. Hope and pray that when I go in on CD 2-3 I don’t have cysts. I. just. need. this. to. work.

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23 thoughts on “The good, the bad, the progesterone, and the gonal-f

  1. Oh girl, I am so sorry!! šŸ˜¦ If it helps brighten the cloud at all, injects brought my cycles from 1-2 *ok* follicles to usually 3 FANTASTIC follicles. Hopefully it will be the same case for you, and your first inject cycle will be ammmaaazzzing and wildly successful! Also, the injects of Gonal hurt WAY less than PIO. I dont even feel mine.

    (and to help with the PIO pain, heat packs. It helps it absorb into your muscle tissue)

    Thinking of you!

    • Ugh. I wish I had known I was going to get one today-I would have brought my heating pad to work. I have a ton of kids coming to the library today and I have to do tours with them so I’m going to be moving around and it just isn’t going to be a fun day. If I didn’t have to work the last desk hour I might try and go home early because I could just really use some mental health time. I feel like that’s such a cop out, but this shit just really sucks.

      • Its not a cop out, it totally does suck- and you deserve time for you to help process it. I feel like that is a very important part of infertility too- taking time to sort it out in our own heads.

        Movement should also help with the pain- so at least the tours will work in your favor!

        I hope your day goes quickly for you, and that it’s distracting enough to be a small blessing.

  2. I’m sorry to hear this, dear. I’ve tried to come up with more colorful ways to describe it, but I keep coming up with the terribly generic “This just sucks.”

    I’m a big fan of crying. You let it out, and you let it go. Then you can move on. Glad to hear you’ve got another plan in place. ONWARD!

    • Thanks-me too! The thing is that I KNOW prometrium works, so I was tempted to do that, but he says this will work faster. I have some prometrium at home so I’m tempted to do just a few days of it, but I also keep telling myself that I’m not a doctor so i shouldn’t self medicate.

  3. I’m sorry about all of the waiting. It sucks. About your gonal- f.. You can go to fertilitylifelines.com and click on Exploring Fertility Treatment Savings. There are options for self pay and insured patients. I used the co-pay card and got $200 off the top. All you have to do is provide an email address and print off the card. Most pharmacies will let you get as many vials as you want ( that’s listed on your RX) and use the co-pay card each time. So my MD wanted me to initially get 3 450 IU vials but I only got two at first bc of the cost and I didn’t end up needing the 3rd anyways ( for this cycle). Technically if I wanted to I could’ve gotten one vial one day with $200 off then the second vial the next day with another $200 off. It’s a win win! I didn’t do that bc my RE and participating pharmacy is 2 1/2 hours away but I spoke with the pharmacist and she said I could have, there are no restrictions on the co-pay card. It’s says *up to $250 but that is for other meds, gonal-f gets only $200 off. I hope everything gets better.. I’m tired of all of us playing the waiting game.

    • Thanks so much for all the info! We actually got 50% off and we can’t combine it with any other offers, so we’re definitely going to take advantage of that because it’s going to save us SO MUCH MONEYS. Plus I can use this with FFP since the only pharmacy in my area that carries fertility drugs is target, and they charge out the wazoo.

  4. ahhhh, i hope you get that period in 1 week and no more! yes, it’s actually the progesterone withdrawal that brings on the bleed, and i take it the big dose of PIO lasts several days in your system.

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