So, let’s just go ahead and get the bad news out of the way-shall we?
That follicle shrunk. It went from a 13 to a 12. Ain’t nothin’ happenin’ inside me this cycle. He said in a far fetched world I COULD have ovulated and this COULD be a different follicle, so I COULD get pregnant this cycle-but please. I’m not that girl. He offered to try and give it a few more days or to even start gonadotropins (I’m sure I spelled that wrong. I am also sure I don’t care) for a few days and see if that would wake it up, but I said I only wanted to spend money on gonadoptrins if the cycle looked really good, and he agreed. So instead I got a big old shot of progesterone in my ass today that will hopefully make me bleed in 7-10 days. I didn’t know that one shot of PIO could do that, but I guess he’s the doctor.
The good news is a couple of things:
I got to see Dr McLadyParts, not Dr. BadBedsideManner. I did have to deal with the student doctor today, but she was better. She sat in my consultation in his office, and I could see her watching me for reactions. I remained extremely stoic and, if anything, logistic. I told him about Alaska next month. He thinks that we can get an IUI in with Gonal-F stimulation before I leave, but we will definitely have to bank Chief’s sperm before he goes since he’s leaving a week before me. It’s going to be cutting it close to get the IUI done-I could be on the IUI table on the 16th and then flying out on the 17th. We’ll see. My period has to cut me some slack and come in a timely manner. Start your hip thrusting in my direction now ladies. I need a bleed.
Also, goddamnit this shot hurts. It didn’t hurt going in, but I’m definitely feeling the after effects.
The other good news is that we’re applying to get discounts on the Gonal-F. I doubt we’ll qualify for a financial one, but the lady told me on the phone that military qualify for 25% guaranteed. The form said “active” military, but we’ve learned that they don’t really mean active duty so much as a current member of a branch. My husband is national guard which means he’s not an active duty, but he wears a uniform to work every day and does the same work as the active duty guys and, oh yeah, fought for his country in Iraq for a year. So we better damn qualify for at least the 25% off. I have no idea what dose of Gonal-F he wants me on, so I don’t even begin to know how to calculate our costs. We’ll definitely be using FFP (Freedom Fertility Pharmacy).
There were many, many points today where I thought I’d cry but didn’t:
1. When I at first saw my follie on the screen and thought it looked bigger, only to find out it wasn’t.
2. When we started talking about injectables
3. When the nurse was injecting the PIO
4. When I used the bathroom before I left
5. When the sympathetic check-out girl only charged me my copay
6. When I talked to Chief pulling out of the lot
7. When the captain told me she was feeling bad and not coming to work (I haven’t seen her since last Thursday and this is in no way meant to guilt her or anything, but man these last few days have sucked, work wise and fertility wise, and I miss her)
I teared up on every single one of these occasions but did not cry. I’m supposed to have dinner with a friend tonight but I’ve asked her if I can beg off until tomorrow. I just don’t think I’d be the best company today. I’ve got a full day of work, and I’m fine-but everything is spiraling in the direction I didn’t want it to. Injectables, IVF, more money and then some more money. More stress. More fear. More waiting.
Always more waiting.
But I’m okay today. I’m bucking up and moving on. I have a plan to clutch in my hands for the next few weeks. Hope and pray that when I go in on CD 2-3 I don’t have cysts. I. just. need. this. to. work.