Tales of a wacky work day

Told you I had a few posts in me, although this one got bumped to the top.

Okay, a little background:

On the average Saturday we have 5 library assistants (LA’s) and three pages working. Eight people between two floors, and that’s quite honestly not a lot. Especially since between the two floors we always have three programs on a Saturday.

Today, we have one person off all day, one person who left at 1:00 pm, one person who called in sick. And we had a page quit last week. If you’re doing the math on your fingers, that’s right, we’re down to two LA’s (one being yours truly!) and two pages.

Also, I just happen to be the person in charge of the building today, meaning if your manager isn’t on duty today and you have a problem, guess what, you get to call me. Except it’s not even person in charge of the building-it’s person in charge of the CAMPUS, because we have FOUR buildings now, three of which are open today. And calling person-in-charge is supposed to be sort of a last ditch effort. You’re not supposed to just call for anything.

So besides being super understaffed, the first wacky thing that happened was a person-in-charge call that of course came on my lunch break. Someone was calling from one of the other buildings saying that our theater (yes, we have one. We’re sort of fancy y’all) was advertising an event but that the doors were closed and locked and people couldn’t get in.

Me: Did you call and ask what was going on?
Them: Oh. No. I didn’t think of that.
Me: Are there lights on in the building?
Them: Hmm. I didn’t look.
Me: Ok. I’ll do it.

So I call, and they were having a private event, and the “advertisement” was a sandwich board directing invited guests to the event, so that’s where the confusion came from. It took me a 15 second phone call to figure it out. I’m not saying I’m mad or inconvenienced, because it was easy to handle, but I genuinely find it hilarious that someone called the person-in-charge to have them make a phone call. So that’s wacky thing number one.

Wacky Thing Number Two: A mom calls asking for her son, saying that she can’t find her house key so she really needs to talk to him. More than I need to know lady. I get his name and call it out. No one responds. I go into the game room and ask the kids playing if they’re named so-and-so. They say no. I move to the next clump of kids and ask them the same thing, and they say “No, so-and-so is over there” and point to the clump of kids I JUST TALKED TO. So I went back over and said:

Me: Are you sure you’re not named so-and-so?
So-and-so: Not really
Me:….
So-and-so:….
Me:…..Would your mother call you so-and-so?
So-and-so: Yeah.
Me: Um, Okay, then that’s your name. She’s on the phone.
So-and-so: Are you sure? What’s the number?
Me: ARE YOU KIDDING? I don’t know. Just come talk to her.

And this was not a weird nickname style name. It was like Richard. Or Nicholas.

Seriously. I can’t make this stuff up.

Wacky Thing Number Three: We allow food and drink in the library, but in certain areas. For instance, on my floor you can have food and drink on any area that is not carpeted EXCLUDING the game room. So a little while a go a kid had a beverage from a fast food establishment and he was standing on the carpet:

Me: Please don’t drink on the carpet
Kid: Oh! I’m sorry! *Steps a foot to the right, still on carpet*
Me:…..Um. Please don’t drink on the carpet.
Kid: Uh huh *Steps even farther away from acceptable eating and drinking space*
Me: (to myself) Am I being punked? (to kid) LOOK AT WHERE YOUR FEET ARE. Please don’t drink on the carpet.
Kid: What? Oh. *physically looks down and finally finds linoleum*

I think I’d cry if it weren’t all so damn funny.

Advertisements

First Therapy Session

So I promised you guys that I would post about my first session with a counselor. So, yeah. That’s this.

 

I went in on Monday and I had almost talked myself out of going. I’m not in a medicated cycle right now so I feel very balanced, and almost disconnected from my IF. Like it’s just not a big deal to me right now. I know that sounds crazy, but my focus had shifted to other things for a while and, well, there’s nothing I can do. Chief and I had fun trying naturally in Alaska, but I’m not even calling it trying because I’m not tracking a damn thing. No temping, No OPK’s. Nothing. I have been noticing my CM some, but that’s unavoidable at this point. It’s too engrained in me to check that. I can’t remember to not. But the point is, I’m not letting it rule my life this month. I’m just being…. me.

Because of this, I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to show her how I feel most of the time about IF, which is of course overwhelmed and awful. I was afraid that because I had disconnected from it so much right now, that I wouldn’t be able to portray how it normally makes me feel. This turned out not to be the case.

She talked to me at the beginning about all of the things she would have to report-elder or minor abuse, life-threatening self harm, threatening to harm others, etc. Then she explained that the first session is what she calls her “intake session”, where she asks a lot of questions to get at the root of the problem so she can formulate a treatment plan. She also explained that she takes notes, but she keeps them purposefully vague because they could be requested by my insurance company, and she doesn’t want to give them any ammo against me. So then the questions started.

The third question was “What has made you decide to seek treatment in the form of counseling?”

And it’s like someone turned on a faucet. I just started sobbing about not being able to be happy for others who are pregnant anymore, crying to the point of making myself sick, losing hope, and feeling all of this loss month after month,

So I guess I didn’t need to worry about being too disconnected.

I really like her. I felt comfortable with her. Just the comments that she would make, clarifying statements, showed me that she was trying hard to put herself on my side of the couch. She actually said: “So, would you say that you are grieving every month?”, which I know is something we have all expressed at one point or another. This endless cycle of grief.

So anyway. I have another session on Tuesday, and then it’ll probably go to every 2-4 weeks. My insurance will only pay for 10 sessions initially. She also said she adamantly believes I don’t need drug therapy at this point and that she would never push that on me for a situation of my nature, which was important to me. So I think it’s a good fit. I wish she wasn’t so far from me, but them’s the breaks of living in a small town.

I’ll keep you posted on it. Now that I’m back from the brink of death I have a few posts in me that I want to get down before I forget them. Thanks for all the support on my last few posts. I miss Alaska so much, but as of right now I’m happy to be home with my husband, and finally feeling better.

Part 3, or, Alaska Refuses to Let Chief Come Home and Librarian has Many Doctor’s Appointments

If you missed part 1 and/or part 2, click those links. Read a thing. There are even pictures!

So when last we spoke, I was coming home from Alaska with big swollen eyes and a sad heart. I am happy to report that my return journey was fairly uneventful. I was flying red-eye (which has so much more meaning when your eyes are ACTUALLY red). The flight from Anchorage to Dallas was completely full, so it was very uncomfortable. Luckily, I sat next to two brothers who were coming home from a fishing trip and were just lovely. So lovely that we chatted most of the flight, despite the fact that I was quickly getting sicker and should really be sleeping.

By the time we made it to Dallas, I looked….bad. Probably the worst I had in my life. Someone in the Dallas airport asked me if I had been there all night, because apparently I looked like a homeless vagrant. Not surprising. I had VERY red eyes and my sinuses were fully inflamed, snotted up, whatever you want to call them. The flight from Dallas to home was 45 minutes and excruciating. I felt like my head might explode. Luckily it was fairly empty so I had a row to myself.

My mom and step dad picked me up, and while waiting at the baggage carousel I get a call from Chief: their plane is broken and they won’t be flying out until the next day. I took this in stride. Stuff happens. Sure I was sick as a dog, but I’m also a grown up, so I could handle it. What’s one more day?

That morning I went to the urgent care clinic and saw a very nice APN who apparently was wrong about everything. She diagnosed allergic conjunctivitis and sinusitis. She gave me many prescriptions for Zyrtec D, pataday, prednisone, and also a steroid shot. With $70 worth of prescriptions you’d think I would start feeling better soon, right?

No. Wrong. Wrong-o. Very wrong.

The next day I had my first appt with my therapist (more on that later) and afterwards I felt just awful. It had been so hard to get in the car and drive there. So I wrangled a work in appt with my GP and he said it was viral conjunctivitis (yeah, that’s right, pink eye), as well as a sinus infection AND (here’s the kicker) sun-burned corneas.

Sun-burned. Fucking. Corneas. As I said on facebook, I can’t make this shit up.

So at least I finally had a reason for my misery, but I also had a bit of a row to hoe to get better. Different eye drops were prescribed. I was told to NOT take the Zyrtec D because it could slow down the healing process. I didn’t know that was a thing, but I guess it’s a thing.

On top of this, Chief’s plane didn’t get fixed, so he was delayed further. Now I’m starting to get upset. Really upset. It was time for my husband to be home. They said they would be leaving at 3:00 pm Anchorage time, getting them home at 1:00 am Wednesday our time. Fine. That sucks, but I could deal.

By Tuesday my eyes were now pink and not red but the sinus business was moving down into my chest. Luckily I was supposed to have Monday and Tuesday off anyway, but I was supposed to return to work on Wednesday. This didn’t happen. I had given the Captain a heads up that I was not improving as quickly as I would like and she was a champ about it. It’s been nearly three weeks since we’ve seen each other, but she didn’t want to see me yesterday anyway.

Also what DIDN’T happen was Chief getting on a plane Tuesday. That’s right kids. The plane was still broken. I actually broke down and cried like a baby, because I was miserable sick and ready to not be alone. But they said come Hell or high water they would be flying out on Wednesday morning. It just meant they had to take a C-130 which is the turtle of the sky. So they would be in the air for a while.

So yesterday I waited for the magical moment I would feel better. And waited. And waited. And…

It didn’t come.

It just didn’t come guys. My eyes are magnitude’s better, but I have a full blown chest cold/infection/something. I know that this probably means it’s on the way out but man, oh man. I need it to go. I can’t stop coughing, my throat is like sand paper, and I’m thirsty all the time. So last night I picked up Chief from the base (because he finally came home!) and we had chinese food for dinner and then I really tried to go to bed at a normal time-like 10:00 pm. But sleep just wouldn’t come. I tossed and tossed and tossed, but nothing. At midnight I tried a benadryl, but it just made me groggy. I finally dozed off around 3:30 am and awoke again at 6:45 am. Very groggy, very wobbly on my feet. And very much a coughing, hacking mess.

But here it is, Thursday. I am at work, although I’m going to leave at 2:00 pm. Something has to give soon, right? I cannot continue on like this. I have to work full days tomorrow and Saturday. I don’t even care that I have to work the Saturday before Labor Day-I just want to feel better. Honest to God, normally I would be bitter about being stuck here while everyone else has a lovely long weekend (including my husband), but no. If I can just feel human again I’ll happily work the entire day, on the desk the whole time if need be.

So, thoughts for healing would be good. Please.

Alaska Part 2, or, Librarian Falls in Love and Wants to Move to Alaska

If you missed it, don’t forget to read Part 1 of my harrowing Alaskan saga.

Now onto Part 2, or, Librarian Falls in Love and Wants to Move to Alaska

So, when last we spoke, I had made it to Alaska sans bag and sanity. I got my bag, I got my permission from American to buy some clothes (I need to mail in the receipts for reimbursement), and I was finally feeling good about being on vacation. Spoiler Alert: I love Alaska. I. LOVE. IT. The deal is that Chief wasn’t really on vacation-he had to work some. He had gotten permission to just work mornings, and with the extended daylight in Alaska this gave us plenty of time to do fun things. Here’s the play by play:

Monday:

On Monday, we had lunch at a delicious vietnamese place that makes their own GIANT noodles. Gah. My mouth just waters thinking about it. It was right outside the base. I had a little sinus stuff going on and I had some hot tea there as well which was delicious. After that we did some shopping in downtown Anchorage which was crazy fun. The stores down there are so neat. We went back to the base and had dinner with some guys from Chief’s unit. They wanted to go to Red Robin. Normally I object to going to chains while on vacation, but this isn’t a chain we have in our home town, so I agreed to it just this once. It was fine, but not the best burger I’d ever had.

Tuesday

Tuesday was my first day of being a bit annoyed with Chief’s work situation. They did give him the afternoon off again, but he had to be back to do PT at 3:30 pm, so not a true afternoon off. We had time for lunch and a little more shopping downtown. We went to Humpy’s, which is legendary in Anchorage, and I had a crab patty melt. So delicious. In the interest of full disclosure, I drank coke and coffee like it was going out of style on this vacation. It’s basically how I survived the hellish journey to Alaska, and then once I was there I figured, what the hell, I’m on vacation. Then Chief had to go back for PT, so that was sucky, but we had another good dinner at a fun diner called Lucky Wishbone, where I’ve had some of the best friend chicken ever and a milkshake. After that Chief and I drove to part of the Turnagain Arm where you can sometimes see Beluga Whales in August. This particular spot was called Beluga Point, and it was SO. GORGEOUS. Pictures below-they don’t do it justice:

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES

Wednesday

On Wednesday we took the Alaskan Railroad down to Seward for a wildlife cruise. This was such a fun and exhausting day. The train drove through some remote and gorgeous parts of Alaska that you can’t reach by road. Some of the HUNDREDS of pictures I took below:SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES

Then of course there was the cruise itself! We saw whales, sea otters, sea lions, puffins (!), starfish, jelly fish, seals, bald eagles, porpoises, and dall sheep:

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES

By the time we got back on the train we were ZONKED. Chief got a little sea sick too, so he was particularly tired. We had dinner in the dining car which was pricey, but delicious, and drove through a light rain storm. Very picturesque.

Alaska was romancing me more and more every day.

Thursday

On Thursday we had lunch at Moose’s Tooth Pizzaria which was, like everything else we’d eaten, delicious. DELICIOUS. Some of the best pizza I’d ever had. Then we went to the most amazing candy store where I spent a ridiculous amount of money on gifts for me, for work, and for Chief and I’s families. They also have what they’re touting as the biggest chocolate fountain in the entire world.

Then we had dinner at Spenard’s, which was the only dinner I didn’t exactly love. It was fine, but I ordered the fettucini alfredo, and didn’t realize it came with heaping amounts of fennel in it. Fennel= not my favorite. I tried to pick it out, but it masqueraded as noodles quite often.

Friday

Friday we went to the zoo! It was small but had an interesting array of animals we can’t see at home, including a polar bear. Something I really liked is that a lot of the animals they have there are disabled or orphaned and would have died in the wild. I always feel conflicted about zoos. I love seeing animals, but I always feel sad seeing them enclosed, so this helped with that some. They even had a Hedwig!

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES

After that we drove to a look out point on Flattop Mountain and saw beautiful, beautiful Anchorage from above:

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES

That night we went to Orso’s for dinner which was fancy and expensive, and I had the crab mac and cheese. It was four servings worth easy and I barely finished one. I blame this on the waiter who gave us FREE chowder before our meal-I knew it would ruin my appetite, but I didn’t want to be rude!

We also were determined to try and see the Northern Lights that night and had heard that if you drove out to Six Mile Lake on base around 12:30 in the morning you had a chance. It’s pretty early to see them so far south in Alaska, but it was worth a shot. Well, we didn’t see them, but I’m glad we tried. I always would have wondered.

Saturday

Saturday is where things started to go wrong. I woke up with my eyes fully crusted shut. The left one was also very swollen. When I got them all cleared and looked in the mirror they were crazy red and oozy. I tried eye drops, an array of antihistamines, and warm compresses-nothing worked. But it was my last day and I didn’t want to lose it! We were supposed to go to a Wildlife Conservation Center an hour away, but that was out the window.

Instead we went down to the farmer’s market and artisan fair they have every Saturday. That was fun, but I was a little disappointed we didn’t go to the conservation center. I had a Reindeer Sausage dog for lunch and then took a nap in the room while Chief took care of some unit stuff. Then, before we knew it, it was time to go to the airport 😦 Once again I was flying alone and Chief was to follow the next day.

And that was the end of my Alaskan adventure. But I am determined to go back. I actually really, really want to live there. It was so much like my town but better. I know the winters suck, but apparently not as much as they suck everywhere else in Alaska. I can’t remember a time I was as happy as I was in Anchorage. And Chief is considering it, but we’ve agreed it would be at least three years before we could manage it.

Anyway, stay tuned for Part 3, or, Alaska Refuses to Let Chief Come Home and Librarian has Many Doctor’s Appointments

Alaska in Three Parts

In the interest of continuity, I’m telling my tale in three parts. I’m very sleep deprived and also sick, so this is for the best.

Part 1, or, Hell is Real and the Devil Lives in Texas

The night before I was due to take off one of my best friends and housesitter was staying with me. We were having a good old fashioned sleep over and she was taking me to the airport at 4:00 am. True friendship there y’all.

Since we had to be up so early anyway, we decided to just stay up. I had seven hours of flying ahead of me anyway, so I figured I’d just sleep on the plane. So we stayed up all night and it was fun. We went to McDonalds and bought cookies at midnight, drank coffee, watched The Mindy Project, and all sorts of fun stuff. I also started getting ready around 3:00 am. Even though I was flying all day, I wanted to look pretty when I saw Chief for the first time.

So anyway, my first flight was to Dallas and it was supposed to be an hour flight. My town is little and we don’t fly direct to any major locations. We fly to hubs, like Dallas, Atlanta, Chicago, etc. So I was supposed to go Dallas to Portland to Anchorage. I was supposed to arrive in Anchorage at 3:00 pm Alaska time.

It was not to be.

So we took off on time, nice and normal. Pretty immediately the captain came on and said that our trip was going to be longer than normal because there were severe storms in Dallas and they had declared a ground stop. Then, a few minutes later, he came back on saying he didn’t have enough gas to circle Dallas waiting for the weather to clear, so we had to land in Austin to refuel. This was supposed to take about 30 minutes. I was feeling stressed, but still okay. I had an hour and a half layover. I had plenty of time.

Oh guys. If only I had known.

Long story short, we sat on the tarmac in Austin for over 6 hours. All we had to eat were granola bars the flight crew passed out and we breathed in hot, recirculated air. They said we could deplane, but we wouldn’t be allowed back on and would be “on our own.” Dozens of planes had to land in Austin because of this mess.

When we finally made it to Dallas and deplaned (40 minutes AFTER landing), we had been on that hour flight for almost NINE HOURS. Keep in mind I had not slept, and had hardly eaten. THANK GOD I had forgotten my metformin that morning. I would have been in a real bind.

So we deplane, expecting to talk to someone pretty immediately about rescheduling our connections. And then we saw them. Thousands of them. There was a line of people running through every concourse in DFW waiting to get their flights rescheduled. It was horrific. They also had a number you could call, so what most people did (including me) was call the number, give them your call back number to get on the list, and then wait in line and see who would get to you quickest. I waited in line for over two hours. When I was twenty from the front, I got a call and was able to reschedule my flight. It was leaving in an hour and was a concourse over. I needed to get over there, get my boarding pass, and get on the flight. So I booked it. At this point I had been awake for I’m estimating 35-36 hours and had eaten a granola bar in about 16 hours. I was shaky, nearly hysterical (I won’t lie-there was some light crying and sniffling), and exhausted.

But I made it to my gate. I dealt with a really bitchy gate agent and got my boarding pass, and then hobbled over to McDonalds and ordered the first thing I saw-a quarter pounder with cheese and a coke. Well, I choked half of it down before they announced that my gate was changing and I had to book it again. And everywhere you went was choked with people. Over fifty flights got cancelled at DFW that day, and they were only able to take off out of some of the runways because of the weather lingering in certain directions. It was a nightmare.

I FINALLY made it on a plane that was blissfully spacious. It was an older 757 and it was only half full, so no one had to sit next to anyone. It was also a direct from Dallas to Anchorage and it was supposed to get me there at 10:00 pm. It was very close. I think when we landed it was 10:30 pm. I basically fell onto Chief. He was waiting for me right outside of TSA. We went straight down to get my bag.

Which, of course, was not there. My bag had gone to Portland, but it took them over an hour to figure this out. They said it was arriving at 1:00 am, and we could come back for it in the morning. No need to file a claim. Okay fine. I could wait, even though I had taken NOTHING but my purse on the plane, so I had nothing. NO clothes, NO toiletries-nothing.

On the way to the base in the rental car I basically fell apart. I just started sobbing about how I shouldn’t have come, how I clearly wasn’t meant to be there, and how I wished I had just stayed home. I was convinced I was messing things up for Chief. I was just beyond exhausted guys. There was no way I was going to be rational. It just wasn’t possible. I had been up for 43 hours at this point and eaten basically nothing. First world problems, I know. But it was hard, and scary, and I had to do it all by myself.

So when we got back to the base it was after midnight. I showered using Chief’s stuff, scarfed down a piece of pizza he had waiting for me (such a good husband) and fell over into bed. He went to the airport in the morning, and guess what guys?

no. FUCKING. bag. And they couldn’t track it. Had no idea where it was.

So I called, and I bitched, and they gave me $150 dollars to buy things to wear. I had to put my gross traveling clothes from the day before back on, but we went to Target in anchorage and bought an outfit and some toiletries. A few hours later they called and said my bag had arrived. And by “they”, I mean the Anchorage Airport did. This is an important distinction to make, because American Airlines STILL thinks my bag is lost. They have called me every day since to tell me that it is and how sorry they are about it, BECAUSE THEY ARE DUMB.

But at this point in the story I’m finally in beautiful Anchorage and I am happy, clean, rested, fed, and clothed. Stay tuned for Part 2, or, Librarian Falls in Love and Wants to Move to Alaska.

When you don’t have much to say

If you’re me, you just don’t say anything at all.

Hi. It’s me. Librarian. Missed you guys.

I’m sorry-some of you have checked in, probably thinking I’ve spiraled downward without my Chief, without a good cycle, without without without. I’m okay. I appreciate all the love and the concern. The fact that you guys think of me, even at all, just blows. my. mind.

I really am fine. Here’s why I haven’t been here this week:

1. I’m not in a treatable cycle right now. I’m leaving town in less than two days now, so we’re just going with the flow on this one. Looking forward to starting treatment again in September with my lovely Gonal-F just waiting in the refrigerator to be used. Luckily my house sitter knows what we’re going through. I’m going to tell her to “feel free to use anything in the kitchen, except the fertility drugs.” It will be oh so much fun.

Anyway, when I’m not in treatment I don’t feel like I have much to contribute to my blog. That’s probably dumb. I have a life outside of IF, maybe. Ill get better about that.

2. Holy schniekies. I’m leaving in less than two days. I have had so much to do and I’m still not close to being ready. I did buy some new clothes on Tuesday for my trip (I had Kohls cash!), but I have a lot to do.

3. I’ve been working A-LOT. I haven’t worked more than usual at my day job (because I can’t, no overtime authorized without very special circumstances-and I’m okay with that), but I’ve been at the firm a bunch this week.

4. I’ve still been Zumba-ing, so, you know, that takes a chunk of time.

5. Taking care of seven animals by yourself is no small feat. My lord. It’s amazing I’ve been on time to work everyday. And I’ve had to go home some in the afternoons to let the dogs out, especially on my long days of law firm work, work-work, dinner with my family, zumba class. My mom and step dad actually did it for me yesterday which was a big help.

6. And the saddest news of all, my momma had to put down one of my childhood dogs on Tuesday. It was incredibly difficult for her and I cried the whole way home from work when I found out. This was a good, good dog guys. Expecting to be Expecting is going through tough doggy times too right now. Make sure to show her some kindness. There’s no explaining the intensity of this love. I am so relieved that my old girl has finally found peace. She has struggled in the last few years. But I’ll miss her always.

I’m not ashamed to admit I ate cereal for dinner twice this week-just because it was easy and by the time I made it home all I wanted was easy. Tonight I have burritos with my momma and step-dad, because the Captain is still out of town, and of course so is Chief. Tomorrow night I have a sleep over party with my best friend from middle and high school! She’s my house sitter, so she’s going to stay with me tomorrow night so she can learn the ropes and then drive me to the airport at an UNGODLY hour (4:30 in the morning!). I think I’ve said it before, but I’m SO RELIEVED she’s staying at my house.

And finally, I am once again realizing that fertility drugs ARE. THE. WORST. Y’all, I’m not in treatment, meaning the chances of me getting pregnant right now are next to none, but despite the fact that I’ve been cray-cray busy this week, without my Chief, without the Captain, AND that I’m still infertile as Myrtle’s slightly chubby PCOS infested bestfriend, I haven’t been sad. If anything, I’ve just been…level. Fine, really. Work has been fine mostly. The kids are awful in the afternoons, but what else is new. Other than losing my dog, nothing has bothered me much this week. I’m not on the infertility drug swing right now AND I LIKE IT.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m ready to get back on so I can get pregnant, (please dear lord, please) but right now I’m okay having this month off. Shit happens. You gotta roll with it. And I am rolling so much better now that I’m just…me, sans fertility drugs.

Have a Fertile Friday, Fearless Friends of the Fertility Focused!

Missing my Chief

I took chief to the base today to fly to Alaska. We’ve been apart for eight hours and the moment I walked into my empty house I felt so….well, sad.

We’ve been apart before. And I know I’ll get to be with him in just one week. But the week ahead seems long.

Here are some things:

1. The captain is on vacation this week, so work will be infinitely harder and lonelier. I’ll get to put out all the fires by myself. I can call on supreme boss too, but I’ll be the first line of defense when problems arise. I’m praying for as few of those as possible. Please.

2. I need to get really caught up at the firm since I’ll be gone for a week.

3. It’s the beginning of a new cycle and I don’t really get to do anything with it. I’m a little depressed about it.

4. I have to finish getting the house ready for the house sitter.

Yesterday the cramps were awful. I left work early (which I had planned to do anyway so I could help chief get ready for his trip-the cramps just made it infinitely more necessary). Chief took such good care of me. By the second dose of Percocet I started getting some relief, but I also got very sleepy. I took a nap on the couch and then I made three batches of yummy sweets for chief and his unit to have on the long plane ride. They seemed appreciative this morning.

Anyway. If only chief had been a jerk to me yesterday-I wouldn’t miss him so much. I ate some feelings today, but tomorrow it’s back to normal and countdown until my own journey. I can’t wait to join him!