When you don’t have much to say

If you’re me, you just don’t say anything at all.

Hi. It’s me. Librarian. Missed you guys.

I’m sorry-some of you have checked in, probably thinking I’ve spiraled downward without my Chief, without a good cycle, without without without. I’m okay. I appreciate all the love and the concern. The fact that you guys think of me, even at all, just blows. my. mind.

I really am fine. Here’s why I haven’t been here this week:

1. I’m not in a treatable cycle right now. I’m leaving town in less than two days now, so we’re just going with the flow on this one. Looking forward to starting treatment again in September with my lovely Gonal-F just waiting in the refrigerator to be used. Luckily my house sitter knows what we’re going through. I’m going to tell her to “feel free to use anything in the kitchen, except the fertility drugs.” It will be oh so much fun.

Anyway, when I’m not in treatment I don’t feel like I have much to contribute to my blog. That’s probably dumb. I have a life outside of IF, maybe. Ill get better about that.

2. Holy schniekies. I’m leaving in less than two days. I have had so much to do and I’m still not close to being ready. I did buy some new clothes on Tuesday for my trip (I had Kohls cash!), but I have a lot to do.

3. I’ve been working A-LOT. I haven’t worked more than usual at my day job (because I can’t, no overtime authorized without very special circumstances-and I’m okay with that), but I’ve been at the firm a bunch this week.

4. I’ve still been Zumba-ing, so, you know, that takes a chunk of time.

5. Taking care of seven animals by yourself is no small feat. My lord. It’s amazing I’ve been on time to work everyday. And I’ve had to go home some in the afternoons to let the dogs out, especially on my long days of law firm work, work-work, dinner with my family, zumba class. My mom and step dad actually did it for me yesterday which was a big help.

6. And the saddest news of all, my momma had to put down one of my childhood dogs on Tuesday. It was incredibly difficult for her and I cried the whole way home from work when I found out. This was a good, good dog guys. Expecting to be Expecting is going through tough doggy times too right now. Make sure to show her some kindness. There’s no explaining the intensity of this love. I am so relieved that my old girl has finally found peace. She has struggled in the last few years. But I’ll miss her always.

I’m not ashamed to admit I ate cereal for dinner twice this week-just because it was easy and by the time I made it home all I wanted was easy. Tonight I have burritos with my momma and step-dad, because the Captain is still out of town, and of course so is Chief. Tomorrow night I have a sleep over party with my best friend from middle and high school! She’s my house sitter, so she’s going to stay with me tomorrow night so she can learn the ropes and then drive me to the airport at an UNGODLY hour (4:30 in the morning!). I think I’ve said it before, but I’m SO RELIEVED she’s staying at my house.

And finally, I am once again realizing that fertility drugs ARE. THE. WORST. Y’all, I’m not in treatment, meaning the chances of me getting pregnant right now are next to none, but despite the fact that I’ve been cray-cray busy this week, without my Chief, without the Captain, AND that I’m still infertile as Myrtle’s slightly chubby PCOS infested bestfriend, I haven’t been sad. If anything, I’ve just been…level. Fine, really. Work has been fine mostly. The kids are awful in the afternoons, but what else is new. Other than losing my dog, nothing has bothered me much this week. I’m not on the infertility drug swing right now AND I LIKE IT.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m ready to get back on so I can get pregnant, (please dear lord, please) but right now I’m okay having this month off. Shit happens. You gotta roll with it. And I am rolling so much better now that I’m just…me, sans fertility drugs.

Have a Fertile Friday, Fearless Friends of the Fertility Focused!


5 thoughts on “When you don’t have much to say

  1. I’m so very sorry to hear about the loss of your childhood dog. ❤ I still miss my childhood dog quite a lot. Hugs! I'm glad you've been keeping busy with some good things. Have a good trip!

  2. I’m sorry to hear about your childhood dog. I just lost my cat several weeks ago and even though there’s some relief knowing she’s happy, I’m still sad. It still hits me out of the blue. These darn pets – they steal our hearts!

    What I wouldn’t give for cereal for dinner! Wonderful!

  3. Pingback: Thank you and making choices | expecting to be expecting

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