So I promised you guys that I would post about my first session with a counselor. So, yeah. That’s this.
I went in on Monday and I had almost talked myself out of going. I’m not in a medicated cycle right now so I feel very balanced, and almost disconnected from my IF. Like it’s just not a big deal to me right now. I know that sounds crazy, but my focus had shifted to other things for a while and, well, there’s nothing I can do. Chief and I had fun trying naturally in Alaska, but I’m not even calling it trying because I’m not tracking a damn thing. No temping, No OPK’s. Nothing. I have been noticing my CM some, but that’s unavoidable at this point. It’s too engrained in me to check that. I can’t remember to not. But the point is, I’m not letting it rule my life this month. I’m just being…. me.
Because of this, I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to show her how I feel most of the time about IF, which is of course overwhelmed and awful. I was afraid that because I had disconnected from it so much right now, that I wouldn’t be able to portray how it normally makes me feel. This turned out not to be the case.
She talked to me at the beginning about all of the things she would have to report-elder or minor abuse, life-threatening self harm, threatening to harm others, etc. Then she explained that the first session is what she calls her “intake session”, where she asks a lot of questions to get at the root of the problem so she can formulate a treatment plan. She also explained that she takes notes, but she keeps them purposefully vague because they could be requested by my insurance company, and she doesn’t want to give them any ammo against me. So then the questions started.
The third question was “What has made you decide to seek treatment in the form of counseling?”
And it’s like someone turned on a faucet. I just started sobbing about not being able to be happy for others who are pregnant anymore, crying to the point of making myself sick, losing hope, and feeling all of this loss month after month,
So I guess I didn’t need to worry about being too disconnected.
I really like her. I felt comfortable with her. Just the comments that she would make, clarifying statements, showed me that she was trying hard to put herself on my side of the couch. She actually said: “So, would you say that you are grieving every month?”, which I know is something we have all expressed at one point or another. This endless cycle of grief.
So anyway. I have another session on Tuesday, and then it’ll probably go to every 2-4 weeks. My insurance will only pay for 10 sessions initially. She also said she adamantly believes I don’t need drug therapy at this point and that she would never push that on me for a situation of my nature, which was important to me. So I think it’s a good fit. I wish she wasn’t so far from me, but them’s the breaks of living in a small town.
I’ll keep you posted on it. Now that I’m back from the brink of death I have a few posts in me that I want to get down before I forget them. Thanks for all the support on my last few posts. I miss Alaska so much, but as of right now I’m happy to be home with my husband, and finally feeling better.