“I am not smart enough to do this”

Yes, in the ongoing saga of Librarian’s Gonal-F, those words have been uttered.

Last night started off okayish. I got the big syringe on and injected the water. Badabing. Then I flipped it over and pulled the plunger and got most of it. So i did it one more time and it was all (or as much as is humanly possible) in there. Badaboom.

So I cap the big syringe and yank that sucker off. I’m thinking I’m golden now. I put the little syringe on and take the cap off and…the syringe comes with it. So I put it back on making sure it’s REALLY tight on there, and the syringe comes off again. and again. and again.

Librarian, starting to tear up: “I’ve broken it. I am not smart enough to do this!”

Chief: “Let me see”

Librarian, turning into a jerk: “NO. JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE OKAY?”

Eventually what happened was I threw caution to the wind, uncapped the little syringe, and then screwed it on. That cap was on there good and it just kept pulling the syringe off with it.

So then I injected, and it hurt. And I felt pathetic for about 10 minutes. And then I snuggled with Chief and watched food network. About an hour later I said I was sorry for being cranky pants. And he, being Chief said it was ok. Because nothing sticks to him, thank goodness, because I’m a giant jerk.

Yesterday I just felt irrationally weepy and sad. I kept thinking about awful things happening. I don’t know if I’m just in a morose mood or if it’s the drugs or maybe a little of both. I’m not feeling much better today. I’m seriously thinking about canceling dinner with my dad on Sunday. Calling in sick. I have to make a birthday cake for my mom tonight before Zumba. Luckily I’m getting off work a little early. Ugh. I’m just ready to be done stimming. I have a horrifying feeling that on Saturday I’m going to go in and nothing is going to have grown.

I’m down in the dumps, and I don’t have much right to be, so please just ignore it.

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8 thoughts on ““I am not smart enough to do this”

  1. We all have our down in the dumps days and you deserve to have one once in awhile. However, I’m praying that you will have follies on Saturday morning!! Also, for next cycle…would your RE be willing to switch you to follistim? It comes in a pen form so there is no mixing. Just put the cartridge in the pen, dial up your dose, screw the needle on and inject into your tummy. And, it really doesn’t hurt at all…I might get a burning sensation for a minute or 2 but that’s it. 🙂 Just a suggestion. Sending Big hugs your way!!!

    • I think he went with gonal-f because the company gave me 50% off which saved me a lot of money. Even so, I think gonal-f has pens too. I just need to suck it up and do it better. I’m going to watch the video again today and see if that helps.

  2. Oh hun, I feel exactly the same about not being smart enough, or in my case brave enough. I feel like a little kid and I just want someone else to do it for me and make it ok. We are heading into our next ivf cycle and I have decided to be completely and utterly selfish in order to create a lovely nurturing environment for a baby, rather than a stressed out and tired one. We have been invited to dinner tomorrow with my in laws and a family member who makes my husband very very stressed. We have said no. This time is all about us. I vote that you plead sickness this weekend… It’s not a compete lie, just not as clearly defined as ‘the flu’!!!

  3. Goodness! You need to get the pen next time (hopefully there won’t be a next time though). I just finished Follistim with the pen this month and it was a breeze! I DEFINITELY would be saying the same things if I had to do all that stuff you did! Fingers crossed you find many growers in there Saturday!

  4. The drugs do weird things to us! I was up and down during stimming. Hang in there. ❤ As for not being smart enough, that' just not true. There could have been a legitimate problem with the needle, ya know? Have you watched a Youtube video about how to do the shot? When I forgot how the nurse showed us how to do one of them, I did and it helped. Hugs!

  5. You’re not a jerk, you’re just going through a really big deal. As per the commenter above, youtube videos can be really helpful. And as for syringes, I find getting the cap off the needle is one of the trickiest things – I actually stabbed myself in my finger during one especially forceful tug… and you think you’re not smart enough to do this?!

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