How Far Along?: 10 Weeks-double digits. Whoa.
Total Weight Gain: 0.4 pounds. Not 4 pounds. 0.4 pounds. This is the only time in my life I can brag about eating pretty much what I want within reason and not gaining weight. It’s bizarre, but awesome.
Maternity Clothes?. Still regular clothes EXCEPT my new maternity jeans. They are heaven.
Stretch Marks? Nope
Sleep? Not as well this week. I always wake up in the middle of the night to pee, and once I start moving the dogs seem to think (even if it is 2:00 am) that it’s time for them to go outside, and then they have a hard time settling down.
Best Moment This Week? Definitely my first OB appointment with Dr. T. It was a great day.
Movement?: Oh gosh no.
Food Cravings?: Basically, if you mention a food I want to eat it. And I always feel starving, but then can never eat very much. I’m on an every two hours sort of eating schedule.
Anything making you queasy?: I’m a little queasy after most meals, but the Diclegis has made me able to eat, and that’s a beautiful thing.
Baby Bump?: Nah. Although I’ve lived my whole life looking three months pregnant, so sure. Let’s say there’s one there.
Gender Prediction?: We still just don’t really know. I sort of FEEL like it’s a boy, but who knows. Chief started using masculine pronouns after our ultrasound last week.
Labor Signs?: NO. Stay away.
Belly Button In or Out?: In.
Wedding Rings on or off?: On.
Happy or Moody?: It’s been a moody few days.
Miss Anything?: Not too much. Again, sometimes I miss when people didn’t know other than Chief and I, but I’m dealing with that.
Looking forward to?: At this point, the end of the first trimester. I’m so close…..
My family, like any family, has it’s good times and bad times. It seems that we’re going through one of our bad time phases. Last night I found out that my step-dad (who I really love, btw) didn’t get a job that he was extremely qualified for. He’s worked for the same state agency as an environmental educator for 20+ years, but they hired a girl who had been there less than two. And sometimes people don’t get jobs, and that’s okay, but my step-dad is really hurt by the decision. He tried to ask why they made their decision because he genuinely wanted to know if he did something wrong, or if there was some qualification he was missing, and the person who did the hiring (who is also his boss) just basically shut him down and wouldn’t respond to him, which I find unprofessional. Now he has to work for her, as well as the young girl she hired in his place. It’s a tough row to hoe, that’s for sure, and my step-dad struggles with depression. Usually he’s well regulated and his meds do their job, but sometimes it’s hard to overcome a melancholy like this.
On top of that, him and my mom found out the hard way they need their sewer line replaced-a $3400 job. They paid half of it up front and were scrambling to find the rest. Chief and I have $2000 in savings for my maternity leave. We offered them what they need because we KNOW they’ll pay us back quickly. I don’t need that money until June and I know they’re good for it. We don’t mind lending it, in fact, I’d rather do that than have them put it on a credit card and have to pay crazy interest. It makes us feel good to be able to help them. And they’re going to accept it, but my step-dad feels really embarrassed about it. I told mom that’s ridiculous-we’re all adults. We’re all family. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Sometimes life hits you upside the head. They normally would have that money, but they’re in the middle of a kitchen remodel so their savings are a little depleted. I totally get that-I’ve been there. So that’s bringing them down.
And then, on top of that, my dad broke up with his girlfriend of two years. He says it was mutual, and that he’s okay, but I know my dad, and I know he’s going to hate being “alone” during the holidays. All of his six brothers and sisters have spouses so he’s sort of the odd man out, and he always tries to compare himself to his brothers, especially. They’re ALL very successful, rich, engineers. My dad has a good job, but he didn’t go to college so he’s never going to be as successful as them unfortunately. I’m not saying that’s fair, but that’s the world we live in. He’s also not very good with his money. He makes good money y’all. His yearly bonus is more than my yearly SALARY, but he charges his credit cards so high that he has to use his bonus every year to pay them off, so he can never get ahead. His brothers, on the other hand, are pretty good with their money. ALL of them own their homes free and clear, and they’re nice houses. One of them owns two homes. It’s just hard to watch him compare himself to them, and this year without his girlfriend I think it’s going to be even harder.
A Sad Night
Watching the events in Ferguson unfold on TV last night made it one of the saddest, most frightening nights of my life. Missouri is our neighbor. I’ve been to St. Louis many times. In fact, one of the aforementioned rich uncles lives there. But the thing that struck me about Ferguson, is that it could be anywhere. This didn’t happen BECAUSE it’s Ferguson, this happened because as far as we think we’ve come, we still have so much farther to go. I’m not going to talk about how I feel about the grand jury decision, because while you guys know I’m pretty liberal and can probably guess at how I feel, I’ll tell you that my feelings on this issue are complex. Whether or not I agree with the grand jury doesn’t matter. I believe in the law of our country. I believe in our justice system. I believe in our police officers.
I also believe that jurors, judges, and police officers are human. Meaning they are subject to human faults. Meaning they can make mistakes. They can choose the wrong path, whether intentionally, or on accident. I believe there is a lot we will never know about the day Michael Brown was killed. But at this point we can’t change the decision of the grand jury, even if we want to. And last night flipping police cars, throwing bricks at police officers who didn’t potentially commit a crime, burning down buildings belonging to innocent people, shooting tear gas at protesters, shooting rounds into the air to frighten and intimidate-none of that will change what happened to Michael Brown. None of that will change the decision made by the grand jury.
What I do know is that last night I genuinely felt afraid for the first time about bringing a child into this world. I fully realized the obstacles this country is facing. And how I wish we still had someone like Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. to lead and inspire us in these trying and difficult times. How I wish that last night his memory had been honored better. Oh friends, how I wish that the teachings of Gandhi had been adhered to last night. How I wish that all the hurt and disappointment and rage that people felt could have been channeled into more positive change. How I wish we hadn’t taken so very many steps back.
Today, and for many days to come, I hope you’ll join me in praying for peace.