The Telling of Things

It’s getting close to time where most of my family will know our news. We’re telling my sister tonight, and we’re telling my mom’s side of the family at Thanksgiving. My dad’s side and Chief’s family won’t know until Christmas.

This sounds weird to even say, but part of me doesn’t want to tell anyone anymore. Just keep it between us. Since telling my mother (which at the time was a wonderful experience full of happy tears and exclamations and what not) she has bullied and pushed me about when I’m going to tell my sister, when I’m going to tell the firm, when I’m going to tell her family, because SHE wants to be able to talk about it. And I TOTALLY get that, I get that she’s excited, but every time I see her she’s pushing me about one of those three groups. Originally I had told her that I would tell our boss at the firm tomorrow, but now I’m thinking of just saying that I’m taking the week of Thanksgiving off and not going in. And that will drive her crazy, but I am legit tired this week. Week 10 is official tomorrow but I’m feeling it today.

I’m not trying to sound like a jerk. I am SO HAPPY. And I’m SO HAPPY that my mom is happy and excited, but I just need her to understand that not everything can always work on her timeline. This time it’s about me and Chief and really, we’re the final arbiters of who knows about Junebug and when. The end.

My dad hasn’t been much better. Despite me telling him over and over when I would tell my sister he has texted me every few days “Does K know yet?” “Have you told K yet?” But when I called him after our 9 week appointment we talked for 44 seconds. He didn’t ask any questions about me or the baby, just listened to what I said and said “Okay, thanks for letting me know. Talk to you later”, but my sister knowing is of the utmost importance to these two.

And I know that some of you don’t agree with me waiting to tell my sister, but you just have to go with me on this one. We have an EXTREMELY difficult relationship, and I’m not looking forward to having to navigate that throughout my pregnancy and, quite frankly, the life of our child. Chief and I both have some very legitimate reasons for not wanting her to have much part in Junebug’s life. We wouldn’t trust her with our child alone. And yes that’s sad, and maybe you think it’s cruel of me-but I promise it’s not. You have no idea how my life has been, and I know it sounds like I’m getting defensive, but I can just see all of you out there with good sisters and brothers shaking your head in disappointment at me. You just have to believe me on this.

And then there’s also all the oh so fun advice, or criticism or both that you get when you tell people you’re pregnant. The other day my mom asked me how I was feeling and I said “Fat and tired, but otherwise fine”, trying to make a joke and she said “Well it’s too early to start complaining about that. You’re just getting started.” Or the extremely well meaning folks who want you to know what drug they recommend when your baby has gas, and what color to buy it in. Or the lady you work with who is convinced you should name your child Tallulah if it’s a girl and Elliot if it’s a boy, and cannot be swayed otherwise, no matter how many times you tell her those aren’t on your baby name list and probably won’t be.

Again, I know everyone MEANS well, but right now I’m just wanting to stay in this happy bubble place with Chief and not worry about baby gas drops, or hurting someone’s feelings because I don’t like their baby name suggestion. Basically I want a t-shirt that says “Yes, I’m pregnant. No, I don’t want your advice.”

Because I’m a jerk, and that’s what jerks do. Anyone else feel me on this?


17 thoughts on “The Telling of Things

  1. Yeah, well meaning can go suck it as far as I’m concerned. I hate to tell you this only gets worse. Let’s make t-shirts that say “yes I’m pregnant, No I don’t want your advice” – pleeeeeezzz?

  2. I understand your frustration. Members of my husbands family actually asked why would you call your son that and how could you call him that!? After he was born and named. After he could understand what they were saying. Just because people are part of your family doesn’t mean they are good people. Try hard to not focus on the negative, I always tell myself, I can’t change their behaviour only the way I react to it. Wishing you much happiness.

  3. I actually have this on my baby registry:

    I’m sorry for all the stress and drama it sounds like some people are causing you. My parents have been pretty pushy since I told them. We’re telling C’s family this week (Thanksgiving). I’m nervous about getting harassed more about money et al. I understand about your sister. I have a rather complicated relationship with my biological brother as well. I wish it was okay to just ignore everyone for awhile . . . Hugs to you!

  4. When and how you decide to tell people is entirely up to you and Chief. It’s your news, your timeline, no matter how excited people are.

    And re: your sister? I’m totally going with you on that one (of course, you know some of my family dynamics aren’t ideal, either!).

    As for advice, I tune out when people start. So by the time they’re done, I’ve just spent five minutes daydreaming about how I’m going to sleep in on Saturday.

  5. Sometimes family is like that – but its your family and your choice in how and who you want to tell. We also had a family member that tended to steer any and all baby conversations toward themselves as the happy expectant grandparent, and couldn’t THEY tell so-and-so and couldn’t THEY be the ones to do XYZ. It’s frustrating and a total disregard for your feelings during your pregnancy! I totally get it. Also like you, this person is not allowed to watch our child(ren) alone. LOL so I understand on soooo many levels. Hang in there!!

  6. Families are hard. The number one factor of stress and drama in my life is an idiotic sister who makes terrible choices all the time and a mother who cries a lot and enables her. It took nearly a year to tell my mom about my IF. As for overly familiar strangers, brace yourself. It will only get worse. For some reason, a pregnant woman’s body becomes public property.

  7. I think that we all (even if we are loathe to admit it) have at least one relative that we don’t really like very much, and would probably not have them in our lives if they were not related to us. I know I have at least one or two… It is NOT a bad thing to recognize this, and use the information to keep yourself sane and your child(ren) safe and happy. Good for you for being able to do that and to stick with your guns on it when others pressure you. It is so frustrating when others, who should be able to see, don’t recognize or acknowledge the issues.

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