Hitting the Delete Button

Or, in my case the “Make this post private” button.

If you were around for the overwhelming drama that was my blog this weekend, you may have noticed that the posts that were so very controversial revolving around the telling of my family that I’m pregnant are gone. I would like to say that I put a lot of thought into this decision, but basically I woke up yesterday morning and thought “Eff it. I’m just getting rid of it all.” MOST of what was there was wonderful, positive, supportive, and affirmative words from my bloggy friends. But those few hateful comments just left a bad taste in my mouth. So It’s gone. I can still see it if I want to, I made it private rather than deleting, but for the sake of the rest of the internet, it’s gone.

In other news, my morning sickness is back. Or at least it has been for the last few days. I feel exceptionally good that I haven’t had to call in sick for work because of morning sickness and I’m almost 11 weeks. I’ve been able to manage it pretty well. But today is a day that I might not have minded calling in if we had the staff to manage it. But that’s okay. No one wants to be that person who calls in sick after a holiday. And tomorrow I have LITERALLY six hours of meetings in a nine hour day. It might be time to break out the zofran, lest I vomit all over the conference room. I did finally take one Friday night because I was extremely close to hurling all over my grandmother’s dining room, and it was time to drive home and I just didn’t think I could make it without some help.

Zofran is gross by the way. I mean, it works, and FAST, but it’s gross. Gross gross gross.

So anyway, after weeks of being basically morning sickness free, I’m hoping this is just a little push at the end of my first trimester and that it’ll pass soon. Basically I’m too busy for morning sickness. Morning sickness doesn’t seem to care.

Also, last night at dinner my sister called me a “breeder” approximately five times before I told her to stop and called my baby a “larva.” Basically Chief’s blood was boiling by the time we left dinner and I was in tears. At one point Chief said “My wife didn’t get pregnant in a cage. Stop calling her a breeder.” She seriously thinks she can just say whatever she wants, and my parents just find her so charming. When I called my mother about it after dinner she kept saying “Oh, that’s just K.” and when I asked her why on earth that should make it okay for her to be rude she just said “Well she’s never going to change so why bother getting upset about it?” And basically said five million other things to justify why my sister is such a bitch. Finally after arguing with my mother for 30 minutes I just said “You know what? Here’s the bottom line. Chief and I don’t trust her, she treats us badly, and she won’t be allowed one on one time with our child unless that changes. And you and dad will just have to be okay with that, just like I’ve been told I have to be okay with her treating me like the dirt beneath her feet my entire life.” And Chief is in the background going “Yep. We’re done.” To which my mother replied “Well, she won’t have time to babysit for you anyway, so I don’t think that will be an issue.”

Talk about missing the point. So anyway, my Thanksgiving break was FULL of fun. Also, I’m starting to look pregnant. I short of could tell in the last week that I was, but a coworker just said “Whoa, you’re starting to show.” I really thought I was just looking fat but she said that it’s all in my boobs and belly, my face and legs look the same. Anyway, I’m banking on people thinking I just look fat for a few weeks until Chief’s family knows. 11 weeks tomorrow y’all. Let’s hope for less drama this week.

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23 thoughts on “Hitting the Delete Button

  1. I wouldn’t say the comments were hateful at all. they just offered a different, more compassionate perspective from places of experience and understanding.

    Hopefully your morning sickness subsides soon!

    • I don’t think you saw all the comments. There was one person in particular who was pretty callous-not compassionate at all. That’s who I was referring to-not the ones of you who just offered advice and other perspectives.

      • That’s how I feel too. I was really blindsided by it, and it really affected me all weekend long, which is why I’m glad I decided to just make all of it go away. Most of it was supportive and that was great, but it only takes one person to really make things difficult.

  2. I can relate to your sister drama. My sister has no filter. She says what she pleases and then says it isn’t her problem you got offended. She isn’t in charge of your feelings. She is the sole source of drama in my life.

    • Yes, this is it exactly. And everyone in my family can see it but my parents. Although my mom did admit that my sister has a need to be the center of attention even if that means hurting someones feelings. But you know, thats just K. So that makes it ok.

  3. Now that you are essentially a parent yourself try to imagine someone saying mean things about your child….even if they are true. You are NEVER going to come around to it. That’s where your mum is at. I have had arguments with my MIL about my son’s dad and told her actual examples of some of the shitty things he has done and she says to me “Ohhhhh he wouldn’t do that”. Even when I’m telling her an actual example that took place. I don’t bother now as I understand better now that I have a child. And you mother is right in a way….you can’t change people. Nothing anyone ever says or does can change anothers behaviour if that person doesn’t think they need to change. So all you can do is choose not to interact or be around the person. Or be really up front with them when they are offensive to you but of course, that creates more drama. Do you think your sister does it because she knows it pisses you off? If so then maybe don’t react to her. What your mum is really saying when she says she can’t change your sister so why get mad is “I love her and I don’t want to be ostracized from her as she is my daughter so I choose to accept that’s the way she is” It isn’t an affront to you in my opinion. That’s my two cents. I know it’s frustrating but you will have a lot less stress in your life if you can find a way for her behaviour not to impact you. 🙂

    • My mom kept saying “What do you want me to do? Do you want me to say something to her?” And what I kept trying to hammer home was no, I don’t want her to say anything to her. At all. All I REALLY wanted was some sort of response along the lines of “I’m sorry she acts that way. It sucks. And I know it hurts yours feelings.” And I said that to my mom over and over again and she just kept saying that it wasn’t K’s fault, because that’s just her personality and how I’m predisposed to not like her because of how she’s treated me my whole life.

      I don’t know. I get what you’re saying, I GET that K is my mom’s first born, but I’m her daughter too, so I wish that all the breath she wastes trying to justify her actions to me could be spent just sympathizing or empathizing or SOMETHING better than just telling me I’m too sensitive.

      And yes, my sister gets joy out of seeing me uncomfortable. When I tell her something upsets me she quite literally laughs in my face. If I don’t want her bugging me I basically just can’t speak, because anything I say gives her ammunition, so then my parents are all “Whats wrong? Why are you so quiet?” There’s just no good solution. If I try to avoid her then I don’t see my family.

      • And also, I just have to add that it REALLY upsets me that I shouldn’t expect my sister to change, but that my mother expects ME to change. That just seems like a really unfair double standard.

  4. ugh!!! I totally get the Sister thing except it’s my SIL, but her Mom and Dad always give into her bitchiness too. Well, that’s just T, they say. Sorry, but no…that’s not how my family treats each other and I sure as hell won’t put up with it from her. I sincerely hope once the baby is here, it opens your parents eyes. In the meantime, wishing your a reprieve from your morning sickness! Sending big hugs!!!!

  5. Ugh morning sickness sucks!! Hopefully this is its last hurrah for the rest of the pegnancy. I’m sorry your sister was so rude to you. I can’t seem to keep my mouth shut and would have called her a bitch to her face. Perhaps missing out on your little one will help her to mature!

  6. Why on earth are you still having dinner with your insensitive sister?! I think your bottom line needs to be skipping your mom and letting your sister know that if things can not be civil (in terms of names and dialogue) then you guys should not be spending any time together. She’s deliberately being mean and this is nothing new. You need less stress not more!! (and sorry we’re almost ready for download of our little one and I just want to smack your sister – hard – no very politically correct but I think back on all you and chief have been through to get here/now and the words Larva and Breeder are so far from that path…)

  7. I didn’t see the mean comments, but I’m all for doing what you think is right. ❤ I'm really sorry to hear about your sister and how your mom reacted to it. Boo. I hope you feel better soon!

  8. I have a sister (step-sister actually) who sounds exactly like you have described your sister in this, and other posts. She was evil to me growing up, she tormented me, and she is truly the most manipulative person I have ever met. My parents for years wanted me to just suck it up, because after all I didn’t see her all the time. I didn’t have to be “friends” with her, just tolerate her at family functions. Finally, at the age of 31, I said no more. She lied to another family member about something I had not done, and it was the final straw. I told them that I wouldn’t be coming to family functions with her anymore, period. I met some initial resistance, but I was firm, and they finally understood. Basically, they spend some holidays with her, and some with me. I’m fine with this. I just can’t give an inch or they take a mile. I am frustrated that for years my parents basically taught me to just take abuse. I feel that in some way they were teaching me that I didn’t deserve better.
    I just want to share this with you because this time, it’s a special time and it’s about you, and being around supportive people. I didn’t read your posts from over the weekend, but the comments about being a breeder are unacceptable, and you have every reason to be mad.
    Take care of you, and I hope you get past the morning sickness soon :).

  9. You and Chief need to practice looking at each other, agreeing in silence and getting up and leaving without any comment at all. After the very first inappropriate remark. You might also consider asking your parents to meet you at some neutral ground place without sister present and having your visit time with them that way. Sister is mentally ill. HOWEVER, this does not mean you two/three need to be around her.
    Yes, this may mean you miss family group events, but your child needs you to stand and protect against exposure to this type of mental illness. You do not even need to tell anyone why you are unable to attend or need to leave suddenly. And, believe me, your parents will totally remain unable to hear/admit your sister is mentally unwell so don’t even try.
    Hope the morning sickness improves rapidly.

  10. Good Luck to you guys and congrats on the pregnancy! I understand the double standard because that is how it is with infertility in general. We can’t talk about it without offending people or making them uncomfortable. I hope that everything gets a little better for you soon. at least you where able to stand up for yourself and you had Chief to back you up!! =]

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