Gratefulness

I’m 12 weeks today. I’m not going to do an update thing. I told you I probably wouldn’t every week. There’s just not much to tell right now. I’m up 1.2 pounds for prepregnancy, which I’m ecstatic about. I mean, no one wants to gain weight, but only gaining a little so far makes me feel like I’m doing SOMETHING right.

In a lot of people’s minds, today would either mark the beginning of the second trimester, mark the last week of the first trimester, or something like that. To me it feels sort of just like a day-I mean, a really GOOD day, don’t get me wrong. I still have over a week to go until I see the OBGYN. I’ll feel a big milestone when we have that 13w2d US and everything is fine. That’s what I need. the 6w2d one was good, and I felt pretty good at the 9w2d one, but 13w2d needs to be good. Then I’ll feel like we’re in the clear. That’ll be a big, deep breath sort of day. That ultrasound marks the beginning of my Christmas vacation too, so I expect and hope to leave brimming with happiness and clear pictures to show Chief’s family when we see them, just a few days later.

I’m pretty distinctly starting to show. It feels like a lie, because whats happening is that I had a belly BEFORE I got pregnant, so my burgeoning uterus is pushing that pudge outward, making me look a lot more pregnant than I am, which makes me want to hide it so I don’t feel like a fraud. I don’t want people to excitedly ask me how far along I am expecting me to say something like six months, only to find out that no, I AM pregnant, but I’m also sort of pudgy. Bring on the blousey dresses and tops. I’ve never liked having clothes touch me that much anyway 🙂

This past Sunday in church I ended up having to leave early. Chief had a special luncheon at the base for the families of all the folks in his unit and he really wanted me to come. I told him I’d be there right after church, which usually lets out at 12:00 pm. We Methodists are one hour church kind of people, pretty religiously (see what I did there?). Well, this was apparently the day that a) my pastor was feeling a little rambly, about the economy and the environment no less and b) the music director decided we needed FIVE special music numbers, three of which were from the Messiah. Now I’ve song the Messiah a few times in my life. There are no short songs. All this means that when noon rolled around, we had just finished the offertory and still had communion, two musical numbers, the invitation to join the church, the closing hymn, and a choral benediction to go. I had to leave before communion.

I got up to make my exit during the offertory. I was singing the words as I walked to the back of the church. When I reached the double doors at the back I paused to finish the song. The traditional Methodist offertory goes like this:

Praise God from whom all blessings flow,

Praise God all creatures here below.

Allelujah! Allelujah!

Praise God the source of all our gifts

Praise Jesus Christ whose power uplifts

Praise the spirit, Holy Spirit.

Allelujah! Allelujah! Allelujah!

I don’t get terribly religious here-or anywhere for that matter, but let me take a minute to say that I love my church. We are what is know as a reconciling ministry. We accept and love people of all nationalities, races, creeds, religions, sexualities, genders, etc. We accept ALL people. We have an open communion table. This is very different from my Catholic upbringing. I’m not saying Catholics are wrong-I have a whole family full of them and I love them all, but in the end Catholicism wasn’t for me. I’ve never found a church that was for me until I found this one, and I’m very attached, even though i don’t go nearly as often as I should. I hate missing communion, especially during Advent, BECAUSE we have an open table, and that concept is very real and very important to me.

But last Sunday I just had to go. When I reached the back of the church, we were at the part of the doxology (the offertory hymn above) that goes Praise God the source of all our gifts, and I became unexpectedly choked up and my hands flew to my stomach. I am so. grateful. to be experiencing this pregnancy during this Advent season. It is my favorite time of year. It has always been my favorite. Christmas is actually not my favorite day, because it’s the end of Advent. Advent fills my heart in a way that is hard to explain. It reminds me that God feels we are worth more than we maybe realize. I believe we make our own choices, and that God doesn’t exactly pull the puppet strings of our lives. I believe in free will. But this baby? Being pregnant right now? I think there was some God in that. And I am so grateful.

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4 thoughts on “Gratefulness

  1. Thanks for this. I’m getting a little overwhelmed by the time of year (finals, Christmas stuff, etc.) and hitting the “get this baby out of me” stage of pregnancy, and it’s so good to be reminded to stop and be grateful.

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