There are no guarantees

After the news of Pawpaw going into hospice care, I didn’t really think that anything else would happen.

I’m not eloquent today, I’m just going to go ahead and tell you.

Last night, one of the kindest people in this world or out of it died in a car accident. He was one of my best friends from church. He was one of my two mentors when I joined the methodist faith almost 13 years ago. My other mentor moved away, but Randy has been a constant in my life at church.

And I’m not giving him a code name today. There would be nothing right about that.

He went off the road and hit a concrete barrier and died. He just died. No one knows why. No other cars were involved, and Randy wasn’t the type to imbibe, and certainly wouldn’t have driven drunk. It could have been anything. He could have swerved to miss an animal. He could have had a heart attack. It doesn’t really matter at this point.

Thank everything I’m off work today because I can’t stop crying. I had to take Janie to the vet this morning for a check up and held it together for the twenty minutes we were there, and then cried all the way home. I cried when I had to call and tell my mom. I cried when I told Chief. Every time I think I have it together, I cry. And please-no one blame this on my hormones. I loved this man. He was one of the most grace-filled people I knew.

This was not something anyone could have been ready for. This isn’t my 90 year old grandfather going into hospice care. This is a man in his sixties with a lot of vigor and life left in him.

He leaves behind a grieving husband and an entire church family that just feels broken. I don’t even attend much anymore which is no one’s fault but my own, but I saw him at Christmas, and even though we were keeping things a secret then still, my mom pushed me into telling him I was pregnant. For once, I’m not mad at her about how pushy she was back then. I’m glad he knew.

I don’t really have a way to sign off. I’m sorry that my posts are so sad right now, but unfortunately, my life feels very sad right now. I knew I had a funeral to attend soon, but this was not the one I expected.


13 thoughts on “There are no guarantees

  1. I am so sorry for your loss. Death is hard enough when we know it’s coming, especially if it’s someone that has lived a good, long life, but when our loved ones are taken away unexpectedly and too soon in our eyes, it is just so, so hard! Praying that you will find comfort in your memories of Randy. Sending you big, big hugs and lots of love, my Friend!!!

  2. Oh hun! I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I have been reading your blogs but not had much time to comment, but I just had to go back to this one today and let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I am also praying for peace and comfort over your pawpaw. My Grandma died (kinda unexpectedly even though she was old) so I know how hard it is to lose someone that has helped mold and shape you into who you are today. Love ya sugars!! xo

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