Over the past few months of being “out” about our pregnancy, I can’t tell you how often I’ve heard the above phrase. Not from close friends or coworkers or family who know about our situation in getting here, but from random people, like our cable repair guy on Sunday.
He was a super nice guy-don’t get me wrong. He put up with my cats wanting to be all over him even though he doesn’t like cats. And, you know, he actually fixed our cable AND internet, so now we can stream in our bedroom without me wanting to punch something because Netflix was freezing constantly. Apparently our first install guy didn’t replace an outside cable that was shot. Thanks first install guy. He made sure to tell me about how much he loved to smoke pot, but couldn’t install my cable properly. I’m not SAYING those two things are connected, but….
Anyway. I keep hearing this phrase “You should have them (meaning my “kids”) close together.” Our cable guy said his boys are 13 months apart. Yowza, that is close-even for a fertile. But here’s something maybe I haven’t said here before (maybe I have, I can’t remember).
I’m never putting another fertility drug into this body. I’m never going back to the RE. I’m never having an HSG, or an IUI, or a monitoring ultrasound again. I’m not. I can’t do it. I don’t have it in me. Just the thought of it makes me cringe and want to hide under my desk.
If this means we’re only having one baby, then we’re only having one baby. Chief understands. And I guess it’s possible that I’ll change my mind….but I don’t think so.
Now, that being said, I’m not exactly going to go back on the pill. I’m also never doing THAT again. So maybe we’ll get miracle pregnant someday. But as long as I get my Charlie girl out of this deal, that’s enough for me. I’m not going back. And for that matter, I plan to have a hysterectomy in my late thirties. Endometriosis and PCOS just puts you at risk for too many cancers, not to mention the pain that goes along with the abnormal uterine growths. Why put myself through that till menopause and then potentially suffer from a disease I could have prevented?
And that is definitely me giving up something-and Chief too. We always wanted 2-3 kids. But we also want our lives back-as well as to move on with our lives. This whole period of infertility has been like living under a dark cloud. We don’t want to go back to it. Especially not after Charlie is here. We both just feel like it’s time to move on.
So, unless my body decides to change it’s tune after Charlie is here, she will be our only baby. I’m done with infertility. It’s a part of who I am, but it doesn’t have to be a part of my life anymore.