Thursday was the day we had to take baby cat (now named Mewdora Welty, nickname Dora, or Baby Cat) back to the vet for fluids. I’m so glad we did. She came home a whole new cat. Her eyes weren’t glassy like they were before, she was able to stand up and not fall over, and she seemed genuinely happy again. She’s been better and better ever since. It was definitely the right choice.
It was also the day I realized I could not part with her. And that was hard.
I basically fell apart that night. I begged Chief not to make me do this. I sobbed and sobbed and finally went into the bathroom with her and laid down on the floor and sobbed. She rubbed her face up against mine until I stopped crying and then laid down with me, and we both fell asleep on the floor for a while. When I got up, it was midnight, and Chief was in bed.
This was….upsetting to me. I really wasn’t trying to manipulate him with my tears. I had no control over them. But at the same time, I guess I had hoped he wouldn’t let me sob myself to sleep on a bathroom floor. So I then got really, really mad. And as I reiterated to him a lot, it wasn’t because he wouldn’t let me keep the cat, it was because he had felt it appropriate to let his seven month pregnant wife cry herself to sleep on the floor of the bathroom.
And I turn mean when I’m mad. I don’t like that about myself. I told him I didn’t want to see him, that he should just go to work the next day (we both took the day off for my birthday) and that I would go to my OB appointment alone.
And even though we’re fine now, and we moved on, and apologized to each other, I still feel bad about those words. I still hear them in my head, and I wish I had never said them. They may have been true to me for all of five seconds, but immediately after saying them I knew they weren’t. They were just angry words and I wish I had had better control over them.
We made up that night, though I didn’t sleep well because I felt so bad. I hadn’t slept well for one night that week.
Friday we had my OB appointment. I had gotten maybe 3-4 hours of sleep max the night before. I was so, so tired and I could tell just by looking at my skin that a week without solid sleep was wearing on me. The appointment went okay. My weight is up 18 pounds for prepregnancy, so that’s just fine. He found baby girls heartbeat, nice and strong. She’s sitting very, very low, which he says is also fine. I go back in three weeks, then two weeks, and then I think another two weeks, and then it’s one week appointments. I think. I’ll find out for sure later.
I didn’t eat breakfast before the appointment, so when we got out at 10:40 I was starving. We went to a mexican place that’s newish in town and had a good meal, of which I couldn’t eat much. I wasn’t mad at Chief, but I was pensive. I was thinking about the cat. Chief had promised not to make any decisions the night before because we were both upset. I was sitting there thinking that if he says no, I’ll be devastated and if he says yes, he’ll be unhappy. It felt like a no win situation.
Chief is the one who brought it up and said that he had spent a lot of time thinking about who I am and how he knew I was this person when he married me, and that he had realized he couldn’t ask me to give her up after everything we had been through together. I asked him about twenty times if he was sure, because I didn’t want him to be unhappy. He said that he was. He said he just needed to think about it more from my perspective, something that he admitted he’s not great at.
I told one of my best friends, C, what we had decided because one of her friends had been interested in the cat. At first she was supportive, then later she sent me a message saying she thought it was a mistake and I shouldn’t do it. We talked some back and forth and she basically told me that she didn’t think I would be able to feed and take care of the healthcare of my pets and my baby.
Lets get one thing straight-the feeding issue? That is not a problem. Seriously, I’m not going to forget to feed my furr babies. They wouldn’t LET me. And as far as healthcare goes, I’ve already tried to take care of a lot of that. We’ve gotten everyone’s shots done in the December-March season so that no one is due around the time of Charlie’s arrival. Obviously I can’t predict emergencies (please see what happens on Saturday), but how is one more cat going to tip the balance? I could handle it with four but five will make me neglect everyone?
I don’t know. She was trying to be really nice in the way she said it, so I was trying to be nice in my argument, but I really just wanted to say “you know what, I’m a grown woman, and the only person whose opinion I really need on this is my husbands, so I need you to back off.” I didn’t, and at the end she finally said “well I guess if you’re happy it’s fine” and I just didn’t say anything back. But her words really haunted me that night, and I didn’t sleep well. I didn’t even close my eyes till aroudn 2:00 am.
So Friday was somewhere in the middle of bad and good. I was almost delirious with exhaustion though and it made it hard to enjoy the day off. I got a new phone case because mine was falling apart, and got my eyebrows waxed because man did they need it. We went to see Insurgent in the afternoon and I managed to not have to use the bathroom during the movie (a major win for me), and we had burritos for dinner with the captain. I had taken a thirty minute nap that afternoon which is probably the only thing that kept me going.
Saturday was my actual birthday and I was aggravated because Beatrix the cat would not let me get a good nights sleep. She kept waking me up, and I REALLY needed the sleep at that point. I finally got up early that morning to try and sleep on the couch, thinking she might leave me alone.
That’s when I discovered pee on the floor, two places of foamy vomit, and that Bonnie the basset mix couldn’t use her back legs.
I started screaming for Chief to come right away. I let the other dogs out and Bonnie tried to get up so bad but couldn’t. I then tried to keep her calm while I heard him coming down the hallway. He tried to get her to come to him and she groaned with the effort and it broke my heart. This was around 7:20 and our vet opens at 8:00 am on Saturdays. We decided to try and hold out. I was convinced she had either a) ruptured a disc or b) had a stroke. Both of which would lead to her being put down that day and I did NOT want to do that at the emergency vet where I know no one. She’s too old of a dog to put through surgery.
We called my vet at 8:00 and they couldn’t fit her in, so we called another one in town and they only have a doctor every other Saturday, and that Saturday wasn’t one of them. So we loaded her up in the car in the rain and went to the emergency vet. I called ahead to let them know. When we got there they said their x-ray machine was down, so they sent us around the corner basically to another vet for x-rays and then to come back. I hated it, because every time Chief had to lift Bonnie in and out of the car I could tell it hurt her. She moaned and groaned.
Finally back at the emergency vet they came in and said she had spinal stenosis and calcification, neither of which are a death sentence, which was good news. She had started to walk some, but it was very hobbled. They were concerned about the vomiting though, so we opted for blood work. It came back that her platelets and white blood cells were way off, so they were concerned about a tick borne disease. So I had them run that test as well. Luckily that one came back negative. The emergency vet hypothesized that she had some sort of infection going that weakened her and made the effects of the spinal problems worse, so she didn’t have the strength to get up on her back legs on her own. A whole hell of a lot of drugs later (steroids, anti nausea meds, antibiotics, and pain killers) and she was up and moving very well, although I could tell she was dopey and miserable. We got her home and let her rest for the rest of the day and tried to go about the day normally. Chief worked on the nursery floor.
My mom came over to bring me a scratching post her cats wouldn’t use and to meet the new cat. She said after seeing us together she totally understoood why I couldn’t part with her. Then Chief and I went to Lowe’s to pick up more baby room stuff (ceiling fan-helps with the SIDS risk!, new plugs and switches, etc) and at the point of having to pick a ceiling fan I started to cry, because it all just came crashing down. C’s words, Bonnie’s trip to the emergency vet, not knowing her long term prognosis (we’re going to the regular vet today), the $600 bill that we luckily have the money for, but is still shocking anyway, etc. I was so embarrassed and I just hid my face in Chief’s shirt for a minute and got myself under control.
We opted for easy dinner-Chinese food. I was at the point of just saying “Today is not my birthday, it just sucks too much, let’s eat Chinese.” So we did, and that was just fine. I fell asleep on the couch and that night I FINALLY got a full night of sleep-ten hours actually with minimal bathroom breaks.
Sunday I got up with much trepidation, worried about Bonnie. I was pleasantly surprised-she hopped right up, smiled at me, and was ready to go outside. It was so wonderful to see. Chief and I laid in bed watching HGTV for an hour and then he got up and finished the floor in the nursery. When he was done I took a shower and we went and got lunch. Then we went to Lowe’s (again) to get more nursery stuff-trim, trim paint, and a pair of gardening gloves for me because I couldn’t find mine, and we had roses to plant that afternoon.
Chief worked on cleaning up his workshop and I worked on cleaning other things. I moved some furniture (which I now realize I shouldn’t have done) and lifted some heavy boxes (again, I’m sorry), and then we went outside to plant roses. We got two in the ground and I did some other gardening stuff. It was hot and I was squatting up and down a lot, but it didn’t feel unmanageable. Afterwards we both took showers before what was supposed to be dinner with my dad. On the way to dinner I started feeling the pain from last nights post, and you basically know the rest.
I’m at work, and unhappy with myself. I’m having a hard time moving around even at all-I feel like I’ve pulled a REALLY big muscle in my right side, but at least it’s not an active pain. I can stay in one position and be fine. It’s the other stuff, you know, walking, bending, doing anything other than being a lump that has me hurting. I’m hoping with rest it’ll be better in a few days. I’ve had nothing but water and milk (cereal milk) to drink since I talked to the OB last night.
I’m also mad at myself because now my husband and my parents aren’t going to let me do ANYTHING for three months, and it’s gardening season, which is my favorite. I think I would have been fine yesterday if I had just cut something out-like the furniture moving. The gardening probably wouldn’t have gotten to me.
But I pledge to be more careful. And the 27th birthday weekend is done and gone, and I basically say good riddance. Here’s hoping that my 28th year follows that “in like a lion, out like a lamb” thing.