The Emotional Ringer

Don’t worry, I don’t have anything more to say about the crib at this point, because something happened yesterday that COMPLETELY took my mind off of BRU and their idiocy (although that saga IS ongoing, so I will still have to deal with it).

As I mentioned last week, I have an appointment to get Cookie, the stray cat that has adopted me, spayed. Chief had to go to Walmart last night to pick up a few things and I just had a feeling that she was going to be outside, so I said to him that if she was we needed to bring her in and put her in the bathroom so we wouldn’t lose sight of her before her appointment.

And she was outside. And she is clearly pregnant. Clearly. Round belly, large nipples. Big, big appetite.

I’m sorry guys, this blog has been full of curse words, but fuck. Seriously, just fuck.

So we brought her in. She didn’t struggle even a little bit. She loves being held, being snuggled, and she REALLY loves being inside. Even if it is just a small guest bathroom. We set up her own litter box (which thank goodness, she knew how to use) and brought in her food and water. I also made her a little blanket nest.

Then I proceeded to panic. I’m three months away from delivering. Seriously-my due date is June 23rd. I cannot, cannot, cannot have kittens in my house right now. Not to mention that I don’t have a good place to put them. Charlies room is off limits for obvious reasons, not to mention under construction. The guest bedroom is being used as construction head quarters. The other guest bedroom is our cat room where all of OUR cats litter boxes and stuff are. And then there’s our room. A momma and a bunch of kittens can’t live in a bathroom for 6-8 weeks. There’s just no way.

Then there’s the whole thing of I refuse to take her to the pound or anywhere where she’ll be put down simply for being “extra”. This cat didn’t choose her life. She very clearly loves people and wants a home. I won’t have her put down.

So there are hard decisions to make. I took her to my vet this morning to ascertain how far along she is, and they guessed 6-7 weeks. They say it’s hard to tell without an ultrasound machine which they don’t have in house at my vet. 6-7 weeks is pretty far for a cat, although her milk hasn’t come in so she said it COULD be only 5 weeks and she’s just a bit rounder than the average (which is very possible because I bet she has a belly full of worms). They said that they wouldn’t do a spay on a cat that far along, not even for moral reasons, but because the procedure is just more than they can handle. They said some vets would do it though and a friend had recommended one to me, so I called them and they said they would.

And then I proceeded to bawl my eyes out for the next half hour. Because I’m seven months pregnant, and I’m about to take this cat’s babies away. Everyone tells me things that totally make sense:

1. The majority of these babies are probably not okay. They’ve had no prenatal care, spotty nutrition at best, and the only clean water she’s had is from me. Not to mention that she’s been in fights over the course of her pregnancy. The vet didn’t feel them moving today during the exam and I haven’t either.

2. These babies would be put down in a shelter anyway because our area is so overpopulated with stray cats. The one in my town would put Cookie down on the spot because even though she’s a stray, they would consider it owner surrender because I would be taking her in, rather than her being picked up by animal control.

3. The world has enough cats, especially enough stray cats, and for every responsible person who spays and neuters there are one hundred who don’t. Hence Cookie, hence this entire messed up situation.

4. Cookie has a better chance at finding a home if we can get her unpregnant. I might not be saving her babies, but I’m saving her.

So she’s getting fixed on Thursday. Then she’s coming home with me for her recovery and I am going to love her the way that no one ever has, because she deserves it. I remember what it was like for my two girls to get fixed as kittens. It was hard on them. This is going to be rough on her, and I know it. And I can’t stop tearing up over it. But I already have at least one really good lead on a home. My vet tech said that a lady at her church was looking for a new cat because her daughter’s was hit by a car. And the daughter found her. She’s heartbroken and traumatized. They have a whole room set up for a cat with a climbing tree and everything. I would LOVE for Cookie to go to a home with a little girl where she could be loved and give love. I’m trying not to get my hopes up, but I really want that one to pan out.

If not, we’re going to foster her until the humane society or one of the many rescue groups I’ve contacted can happen, but we can really only do it short term for all the reasons I’ve already mentioned.

All I know is, this week is going to be hard. Saturday is my birthday, and for my birthday I’m buying myself a really, really expensive day of surgery and shots for a stray cat. But it’s the right thing to do for her so I’m doing it. Because I would want someone to do it for one of my babies.

Did I mention she also has ringworm? Seriously guys, if you’re the praying type, I wouldn’t mind a few. I don’t normally ask, but I think I’m going to need some strength this week. Dropping her off on Thursday will be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

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18 thoughts on “The Emotional Ringer

  1. You love C words! Charlie, Cookie and Chief! hehe Just an observation 🙂

    In all seriousness though, what a kind hearted beautiful person you are. You are truly doing the right thing for this kitty when you don’t even have to. We need more people in the world like you.

    • Thank you. I wish she didn’t have to go through it. It’s going to be very hard on her I think. Adult spays are always hard, but this surgery is more complex. But it seems to be the lesser of two evils, because her giving birth in the state she’s in would also be very difficult.

  2. Oh, wow. I’m not even a cat person but this is all sorts of awful. I immediately thought of the horrible, painful irony of your struggle with infertility and now your impossible decision to take away this cat’s kittens. What kind of sense does that make, Universe? But, I think the key is #4 you listed above: “Cookie has a better chance at finding a home if we can get her unpregnant. I might not be saving her babies, but I’m saving her.” You are right, and you have to remember that. She will bring much joy to a loving, nurturing home and it will be because of YOU. What an amazing gift!

    • Thank you. I really hope this little family takes her, but if they don’t, someone will. She’s just too sweet to say no to once you meet her. The entire vet staff immediately fell in love with her. I heard them talking in the back about her while we were waiting on her anti fungal meds for her ringworm.

    • Thank you for saying that. something I said to my husband earlier is that I was having a hard time telling if it was the right thing for her, for the kittens, or for me and him. And he said that he felt it was right for her and the kittens, but that it was also right for me and him, and that didn’t make it wrong. And he’s right. I just feel really emotional about it.

      • I can imagine. It sucks that you have to take care of a problem that should have been sorted out by who ever the owner was but it will be so much better for Cookie. It would be an emotional decision for anyone, add a pregnancy and immediately it is at least ten times more emotional.

  3. Good for you in making this choice! Kittens, especially as we get ready to hit spring, are wicked out of control in numbers. And there is nothing worse than euthanizing kittens based in poor health or population reasons. I would rather spay a pregnant cat any day at any time of her pregnancy than try to handle taking care of those kittens. She will be fine post surgery too, there are so many great pain options for cats now. But I would expect her to be a little lethargic and withdrawn if only for the hormonal changes. I’m incredibly proud of you for making this decision!!

    • Oh, I was SO hoping to hear from you on this. I needed the opinion of a professional. Thank you so much. I have been just on the edge of tears, if not in tears, literally all day. Being super pregnant doesn’t help either, but it’s just been really tough. Even for a pro-choice gal like me.

      • I totallt get it. I was, oh, maybe 6 months when i actually did spay a pregant cat. Like almost ready to pop knocke-up. And i had a moment of regret but my rational side piped up to save me the tears. Typically animals do not even show the sadness of losing babies. As in i’ve never seen it. They have maternal instincts but not the desire to have babies, if that makes sense. And chances are these kittens would have neuro issues due to lack of maternal vaccinations. Its sad but way better than the alternative. Ill be thinking of you and Charlie!!!

      • Thank you-I feel a little bad because I’ve been so focused on this cat today I haven’t been very focused on Charlie. But hopefully she understands that momma’s got to prioritize now and then, and that she’s nice and safe in there even if I’m not “paying attention” to her.

        Or she probably doesn’t think anything of it because she’s just a tiny belly baby 🙂

  4. I think you’re doing the right thing even though it’s hard. Cookie is in good hands. I’ve done work with animal rescue groups and making difficult decisions was part of the game. Those women always said they do the best they can and realize that not every animal they meet can be saved.

  5. You are such a good, kind person. Cookie definitely knew what she was doing when she found you. Thank you. (And I would be in tears over this, too).

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