If Tuesday had a subtitle it would be:

The Day They Left the Pregnant Woman Alone with Donuts.

Hi friends. Happy Tuesday.

It’s National Library Workers Week. Happy Week to all you library workers out there.

As a reward, the Party Planning Committee (they have a different name here, but that’s what I call them because that’s basically what they are, and it always brings up fond memories of Michael Scott) bought donuts for every department.

Being that we are more shorthanded than we usually are (because we basically live our lives on less staff than is ideal) I am currently alone in my department. With a dozen donuts.

So far I’ve only eaten one two. I’ve been here a whopping 90 minutes too, so that’s impressive I think. Especially considering that last night I had a major meltdown basically the minute that Chief walked in the front door. Let’s go over the reasons why:

1. Sunday night, as is becoming very par for the course on Sunday nights, I slept very, very little. What sleep I did have was consumed with anxiety dreams about replacing our AC Unit and getting this loan to go through. I woke up tons and I was always too warm and would have a hard time going back to sleep

2. I miss the Captain. She’s so far away and I like having her around.

3. On top of the Captain and Supreme Boss being gone, someone called in sick yesterday. And then again for today. Never good.

4. I got some sad news about one of my regular teenage patrons yesterday. It involves unplanned pregnancy. And it just broke my heart basically for the rest of the day.

5. Monday is my super long day. Typically 12-13 hours between the two jobs.

6. I came home and the new glider had been delivered for the baby’s room. I went in there to sit in it for a few minutes and the cats came in after me of course. We have some of those big plastic rubbermaid containers in there right now. They were full of clothing that I just put away last week, and I hadn’t gotten around to putting the empty containers away. So what does Dewey do? He gets in one and pees, like it’s a litter box, which I’m sure is exactly what he thought it was. And Chief hasn’t been super diligent about changing their boxes (a task that became his when we started seeing an RE) so Dewey was probably expressing displeasure at his regular boxes and great pleasure at this nice empty one. Either way, it sucks to clean up cat pee as soon as you get home, even if it was conveniently contained. Thank God my mother in law wasn’t there.

7. Then I started looking around and realized….Chief didn’t do anything at all around the house yesterday like he said he would. He was off from work-he gets every other Monday off now, and he knows I have been busting my fat pregnant ass to get our house cleaned for the appraisal/the baby. I mean, I’m working hard guys. I was up crazy early on my Saturday off getting stuff done. I’m definitely doing things a 30 week pregnant woman shouldn’t be doing in the interest of having a new AC Unit put in, and I gave him just a very few tasks he could help me out by doing and…he did none of them.

8. So I got flooded with white hot hormonal rage and flew into a tizzy doing stuff. Dishes for the third time in two days, cleaning up the bathroom which I’ve already done, straightening the living room which I’ve already done-are you seeing a pattern here? I’ve been cleaning like mad, and he’s been…not. We’re both mess creators-I own that, but right now I am trying so hard to get things together so we can at least start off our family life with a working AC Unit and a clean home. I recognize fully that my house won’t be clean for the next 18 years. I know that part of being a mother is cleaning the same thing over and over and over again. But the baby isn’t here yet, so why am I living that life already?

So anyway, when he came home I was cleaning the bathroom (again) and he pretty instantly knew something was wrong, and when he asked instead of blowing up with anger I melted down. Seriously. I just started sobbing “I CAN’T DO IT ALL BY MYSELF. WHY WON’T YOU HELP ME? I CAN’T DO THIS BY MYSELF.” Over and over and over again.

And….he really didn’t have anything to say. He tried to calm me down. He kept saying “It’ll get done. I’ll get it done this week.” But here’s the deal folks, he’s freaking busy. We’re both freaking busy. That’s why every moment of my time off that I can get this beach ball body around is involved in cleaning house, working on gardens, getting ready. So the fact that he wasn’t also willing to give up his time off to help me keep this house going was…disappointing. And frankly, out of character for him.

And I think part of it is that he didn’t realize until I fell apart how stressful this whole thing is for me. We still haven’t heard from the bank, the AC guy is allegedly sending us a quote today, and our house is still in a huge state of flux, and I feel like it could really go in either direction right now-towards super clean or towards disaster again. I’ve done so much work to get it to this point, and I have to work this weekend. And I’m just so tired. I have Thursday off, but Bonnie has a follow up appointment to talk further about weight loss and start a plan, we have a daycare tour, and then I have an OB appointment. Then Chief goes to class until 9:00.

And on top of wanting the house to be ready, I would like some time off with my husband that doesn’t involve a vacuum or a sponge. And I’m really not asking him to do that much-just the big stuff that I really can’t do. Moving boxes, shifting furniture-stuff like that. And until he gets some of that done, I can’t clean any farther….because furniture and boxes are in my way. And goddamnit, our cats deserve clean litter. And I know I just have to put up with his horrific class schedule for another 2-3 weeks, but it seems interminable right now.

So that’s why I want to eat the entire dozen donuts. Aren’t you glad you didn’t ask?

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18 thoughts on “If Tuesday had a subtitle it would be:

  1. I want a dozen donuts too. This sounds almost exactly what my husband and I are going through. Although we have some differences, the feeling of doing this whole prepping for baby thing alone is a hard emotion to deal with. I SOO hope that you find the energy to do what’s vital and give yourself some grace for the things that can wait. It’s a HARD balance, and one I’m still trying to learn. Would you pass me a donut please?! XOXO HUGS

    • I would SO pass you a donut-there definitely aren’t enough of us here to legitimately eat a dozen today!

      The hard thing with Chief is that this is normally an area of our marriage that he excels at. I can tell he’s facing major work and school burn out and he just needs a break and i WANT us to take a break together, which is probably why I’m pushing him so hard right now to help me just get it done. and I hate being that naggy wife. Ugh. I hope you and your hubster get yours worked out.

  2. First – Tim Horton’s (not sure if you have that in your state… it’s a Canadian thing lol) has NUTELLA DONUTS. I haven’t tried them yet, but my God, if I do, I have a feeling I won’t stop at two. So, good on you!

    Second – My husband is always telling me that he’s going to help with this or that and I look around and wouldn’t you know it – his fucking socks are in the middle of the room, when the laundry basket is RIGHT THERE. Men just don’t get it, regardless of how often they say they do.

    Third – I am hoping this AC issue works out! I couldn’t not live without it, and I’m in Canada. I can’t even imagine being in the south, trying to sleep, being pregnant, and there’s no cool air. You’re holding up very well, lovey.

    Fourth – Your MIL pisses me off.

    • 1. I’ve been to a Tim Horton’s, but in Detroit Michigan, which is PRACTICALLY Canada. It was lovely, although I’m going to get kicked out of the lady club here for what I’m about to say: I don’t like Nutella!
      2. Goddamnit-it’s not that hard! I’ve been messaging with him today and was just really frank and said that I can’t keep feeling this way, and that I know he’s tired and wants a break and so do I, but we can’t take one together unless we can get this shit done.
      3. I’m lucky that I have any AC at all right now and that we discovered this in spring, so it could be worse. I’m just fat and sweaty anyway. That’s the real problem.
      4. ME. EFFING. TOO.

  3. Oh wow, that is too much for you to do! Hubby is usually good about doing things, but only of I’m there. If I ask him to do something while I’m at work, there is at most a 50% chance it will be done when I get home. Hang in there and just know that everything will be ok. Oh, and have a donut for me!!

  4. If I had a dozen donuts in front of me, I would give them all to you. Or at least most of them. Clearly, you need some donuts. I’m sorry things are crazy right now, and I hope they settle soon. In the meantime, eat the donuts.

  5. I would have eaten 3. You know that’s probably the biggest thing B and I argue about is house work. I get tired of doing things all the time, so eventually I’ll not do them and see how long it takes for him to notice. He also feels like he doesn’t want to “waste” his days off cleaning, nor his nights after work…umm, when exactly do you plan on doing it then!? Men can be so frustrating lol!! Hope that things settle down for you very soon, and that everything works out with your house.

  6. I would have eaten 3. You know that’s probably the biggest thing B and I argue about is house work. I get tired of doing things all the time, so eventually I’ll not do them and see how long it takes for him to notice. He also feels like he doesn’t want to “waste” his days off cleaning, nor his nights after work…umm, when exactly do you plan on doing it then!? Men can be so frustrating lol!! Hope that things settle down for you very soon, and that everything works out with your house.

  7. Your not eating donuts is amazing. Seriously. I’m sorry that things feel so stressful right now. I can relate and had my own personal meltdown of sorts yesterday. *sigh* C finally finished building the dresser we got today after more than a month of me asking him to do so. I hope that you are able to relax and get some things done. Hugs to you!

  8. Oh my gosh honey you have all the donuts you want. You sounds extremely stressed and I feel like you should do whatever you feel you need to reduce it a bit.
    You have so much going on all at once and I know it is taking a toll on you. Does making a list help? Or does seeing it all there make it worse? I am just thinking if you have a list you put somewhere prominent then you could ask Chief to choose 3 items off the list to get done that day and mark it off so you know it happened. I have found some men respond very well to lists because marking something off feels like an accomplishment (my Hubby does anyway), it is not just men either because I feel that way too hahaha.

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