This week MAY be making an attempt on my life. Or, at the very least, my sanity.
Last night, for the second night in a row, I had a breakdown as soon as Chief walked in the door. Let’s just keep the same format as before:
1. People won’t come to work
2. Our HELOC loan got rejected under our name-more on that below.
3. We got the first AC quote back and it was almost $11,000-more on this below as well.
4. We missed family dinner because Chief was stuck in traffic for almost two hours.
5. Dora and Beatrix are not getting along as well as they were when we first let Dora start free roaming, and have had a few small tussles. Nothing bad, but scary enough for Beatrix that she’s avoiding our bedroom which BREAKS my heart.
So let’s get into this.
Monday and Tuesday I had the same employee call in. With Captain and Supreme Boss being out of town, the timing of this is…bad. But still manageable. Things were okay. We got by. Everyone just has to work a little harder and I am definitely more tired when this happens than I used to be. All the other employees bitch and moan about this particular employee and especially when this particular employee calls in. I get that. I’m bitching and moaning about it here, but that’s because doing it here wont affect the morale of my employees/coworkers. So anyway, people have been full of the crankiness.
Then yesterday I get home and check my email for the thousandth time, and our loan got rejected. My husband had credit troubles when we first got together four years ago. They’ve all been paid off, taken care of, etc, but we all know it takes seven years for that shit to disappear, so we’re still in a holding place. His score has improved SO MUCH. It was in the 300’s when we got together and now he’s in the low 600’s, so we’re really getting there, but it’s just not high enough for a bank’s standards.
When they ran it on just me I don’t make enough money.
Which means we have to do it with my dad again. And I HATE THAT. My dad has never paid a dime on my mortgage or HELOC, but I hate having to have his name on there. I’m an adult, it’s a pride thing, but I’m an adult. And in a few years when Chief’s credit is fully recovered we’ll get a fresh start, but right now this feels just all over shitty. So I had to call my dad and ask him about it again and he of course agreed-this isn’t optional. We have to have an AC Unit.
We also got the initial quote for the AC Unit and it was sky high because they included ALL new ductwork-not just ductwork repair. So we asked them to revise the quote and they did. I got that today, but yesterday I was still in worst case scenario mode.
Then I had to call my aunt at the last minute and tell her I had to miss family dinner and she was snippy with me. I NEVER miss. Ever. Even with all this shit that’s gone down with my sister, I’m always there, so I feel like maybe they could just throw me a freaking bone this time. My sister misses constantly, but I am very consistent, and I’m sorry I couldn’t be this time, really. But shit happens. This accident that held Chief up was all over the news because it was such a problem. We couldn’t do anything about it.
And then the cats were bickering. And that just was the icing on the cake.
So Chief came home, and I cried. Again. And then we ate dinner, and I got sick for quite a while.
And then today.
1. We had a tour group of 55 kids today, this requires a lot of staff.
2. Two staff people called in. One for this morning, one for this evening.
3. May I remind you that the Captain and Supreme Boss are very far away from me?
4. The tour group had a ton of kids who didn’t fill out library card forms ahead of time. We have them do this because there’s no way we could get them all done while they’re here. So having a bunch of them NOT have forms done was a big problem, especially being short on staff.
5. The tour group showed up half an hour early.
6. The lady from our special collection that was supposed to tour after WE toured them was on vacation and didn’t tell her staff anything about it.
7. Four desk hours, two tour hours, and a program hour. If you’re doing the math, that’s seven hours. Leaving me one to get anything else done that I need to get done.
8. The AC was out at work for half the day
9. I forgot my lunch
But I have not cried yet today, and do you want to know why? Because it’s just not worth it anymore. It’s just one goddamn day in a shitty week, and it’s going to end. This week will not go on forever. The Captain will be back next week, which in and of itself will make things infinitely better. Someday people will come to work again. Someday. I have to believe it.
And quite frankly, pretty soon it’s not going to be as much of my responsibility as it is now, because I won’t be assistant manager in six weeks, and while some days I’m sad about that, on days like today I am nothing but relieved. I’m not built for this, obviously. Sure, I handle it, but I let it get to me and I shouldn’t. I keep things running and I like to think that I put on a fairly happy face outwardly, but I let it tear me down inwardly. I need to do something else with my MLIS. I need to be an actual special collections librarian like I went to school for.
But for the next 4-5 years I feel pretty content being a part time children’s programmer and full time momma, which is exactly what I’m planning on doing. So this week? This week is just testing me. This is just Karma saying “Librarian-it’s going to be harder when the baby comes. You have to handle this shit.”
Noted, Karma. Totally noted.
Tomorrow I’m off work, but I’m really not off. Let’s go over the schedule:
10:30-Bonnie at the vet
1:00 OB appointment
And then after that I clean. And I clean, and then I might just clean some more.
And then I go to bed so I can do the whole work thing for two more days. And I’m going to make it clear to Chief that if he doesn’t work on the house while I’m at work on Saturday I’m leaving him and moving me and the kittens in with the Captain, because on Sunday I. WANT. A. BREAK.
I’m handling it folks. I’m going to make it after all. Just like Mary Tyler Moore. Or something.
I’m handling it.