You know how all the books say that when your baby won’t stop crying it’s okay to step away for a minute and compose yourself, ESPECIALLY if you feel the urge to shake the baby?
I just had a “don’t shake the baby” moment, but with a group of teenagers at the library.
So it’s final exam week for the charter school in our area. And that means that when the kids are done with testing, which usually happens between 9:00 am and noon, they flood into the library and expect us to just look past their awful, unlibrarylike behavior.
It’s only day two of this, but I think we’ve already reached critical mass. I had to kick a bunch of kids out today. So many that I didn’t know all their names. And then they all came back when I wasn’t around, but one of my staff alerted me of it, so I went into the area they were in and told them they needed to go. Of course they all argued with me and I had to get really strict and say “Either you can leave NOW, with me telling you to, or I can get security up here and they’ll escort you out.” Cue more arguing and attitude, but most of them finally left. I was going up to the desk to call security about it anyway because I was having such a problem, when one of them said “Looks like SOMEONE’S hormones are out of control today.”
I whipped back around in a manner in which I didn’t know I still physically could and just said “NOW YOU GET TO GO TOO.”, then I was walking away again and another one flipped me off, which one of my staff saw and told me about. So I called our head of security and said “I need a few guards up here just as quickly as is humanly possible.” Then I walked away while saying to the staff “I need a minute” and went to my office of another few days, and cried.
Stupid, punk teenagers made me cry. Which probably validates that I AM hormonal. Which makes me really mad to validate what an awful, punk teenager said.
But my point is this: walking into my office and crying was me not shaking the baby, because I almost said some things to those kids that probably would have lost me my job. So, in a way, while I feel like I failed as a professional today, I felt like I succeeded as a mom. I didn’t shake the baby. Even when I really wanted to.