Well, we did it. I had a baby. She’s three months old. And you’re all still here, just like I promised you. I didn’t listen to anyone when they said I should get rid of you, because that’s not how pet ownership works. And magically, since the baby has been here, none of you have bit her, scratched her, sucked the breath out of her, stolen her milk, or any other number of heinous things that people told me you would do.
And I still love you. All eight of you. All five cats and three big dogs of you.
There were some tense moments while I was pregnant, I won’t lie to you. Everyone told me that once the baby came I wouldn’t have time for you. Or that I would love you less. That you would no longer be my babies. But you are still my babies. You’re my fur babies and my first babies.
Let’s talk about a few things:
- The crib is not yours. I know that it seems like it should be, especially since the baby is not sleeping in it. I know that it seems conveniently cat sized. But it’s not. It’s really not cat sized. It’s tiny human sized, and you’re not allowed to look at her with disdain when I lay her down in it to have tummy time while I get ready in the morning. I’m sure she’s okay with sharing it with you, but let’s remember who that overpriced piece of wood was purchased for.
- While I find every chirp, bay, bark, meow, hiss, warble, scratching post scratch, and play fight adorable, maybe you could not do all those things RIGHT when the baby has gone down for a nap? Look at it this way: if she’s napping that’s prime time for me to rub bellies and scratch behind ears. I’m only thinking of you here.
- I know the thought of what I’m about to say SEEMS ridiculous, but believe it or not I don’t ACTUALLY want every piece of her clothing to smell like you. I know, it’s madness, but maybe you could think about NOT laying in the laundry basket full of clean baby clothes and blankets as soon as it comes out of the dryer. Just consider it and get back to me.
- While she thinks it’s really funny when you come up to her and lick her in the face, I know exactly where that tongue of yours has been, and I do not approve.
- As of right now, I have been able to successfully hide from the baby’s grandmother that you chewed the eyeball off the stuffed giraffe that she bought for the baby. I get it, you were concerned about a choking hazard, but here’s a thought: chew the expensive toys we bought for you. Because right now there’s a partially blind giraffe hiding in the closet, looking for justice.
- I’m not sure I realized just quite how much you shed before I decided to become a mostly stay at home mom. I know you don’t actually have control over this and I certainly don’t blame you, but it just needs to be stated: that’s a lot of hair.
- The mailman is not the enemy. He’s probably bringing me more baby clothes for you to lay on because I have an online shopping problem and a new baby to spend way too much money on.
- And finally, on the subject of spending way too much money, BREAST PUMP TUBING DOES NOT GROW ON TREES. THERE IS NOT A BREAST PUMP TUBING TREE IN THE BACK YARD. So until one springs up, please stop searching out the tubes and chewing through them.
If you would just take a moment to consider these points, I would be forever grateful. Even if you don’t, I’ll still love you. I’ll always love you, and I’ll never give you up. When I took you in it was a promise forever. I can’t wait to watch baby girl fall in love with you like I did.
But she’ll love you more if all of her stuffed animals have both eyes.