The First

A few days ago my mom and her husband were over helping us hang pictures because the living room remodel is done, finally (the hallway is ongoing). One of our best friends, M, who was the best man in our wedding (I used to call him officer here, but I think that’s bulky) called when I was putting the baby to sleep. Chief answered and M said they were in the neighborhood and asked if they could come over. Chief said sure but then M and his wife L decided not to because we were in the middle of dinner. He told Chief just to have me call him.

Like a distracted dummy I forgot. Around 9:30 he texted me and asked if he could talk. I was quite frankly exhausted. Remodeling with an infant is not easy. But we hadn’t talked in a while and I do miss him, so I said sure. He didn’t need to know that I was pumping at the time.

So we’re talking for a bit and he asks me how C is doing. I tell him a few things and let him know sleep is hit or miss these days. At some point he says “I hope you’re taking notes.” I didn’t even think anything of it, because my mom said I should be keeping a journal too. I consider this to basically be my journal so I said “yeah, I’ve jotted a few things down.” He said “Ok, well, Im going to need it around April or May.”

Librarian: “Wait. Is L pregnant?”
M: “She is.”

At this point I don’t remember what I said, but I know it was mostly me softly screaming with quiet excitement because I didn’t want to wake the baby.

It’s the first pregnancy announcement I’ve had (and if we’re friends on fb, mums the word) from one of my in person friends since I had C and I was genuinely, genuinely happy. I wanted all the details and we chatted for quite a while. Then Chief got out of the shower and I gave him the phone so that M could tell him too. We both were so happy. Chief went to bed first and when I came back there we hugged each other and I teared up a little bit and kept saying “I’m just so happy. I’m just SO happy.”

And here’s why I’m happy: besides the fact that M has been one of my best friends for 14 years and Chief’s for 20 years, I now know exactly what is coming their way. I know how wonderful this will be for them. And I’m so happy they’re going to have it.

I also had this crazy sort of sad feeling, because I know that when their baby is born my baby will be almost a year old, and when I hold that newborn, fresh baby I KNOW how much I will physically ache to hold tiny, newborn C again. I already know it’ll happen. I’m already feeling grief for that moment-isn’t that crazy?

But really, 99.9% of my feelings that night were excited happiness. I had a hard time falling asleep because I was so excited. I knew they were having their first ultrasound the next day and waited excitedly for a call.

Here’s where things get surreal for me:

1. L didn’t know how to properly take a pregnancy test. They messed it up and had to wait until the next morning. She had never taken one before-why would she need to know?

2. They weren’t really trying. They stopped taking their BC right when C was born (I totally think my cute baby inspired them) and got pregnant on their second month. They were just NTNP. Despite the fact that it happens all the time, I still think it’s WILD that things happen so easily for fertiles!

3. They didn’t go and instantly try to figure out their due date when they got pregnant. I asked M when and he said, “well, sometime around April or May. We’re not sure.” What?! Madness! Their due date is May 24th (the doctor told them). I knew EXACTLY when my due date would be if I got pregnant the cycle we got pregnant.

4. They didn’t know what a fetal doppler was. I offered to loan them mine and they had never heard of it.

I don’t hold any of this against them. I’m not listing this out to indicate that they’re stupid or anything. They’re just…normal. They’re 100% normal. Most people probably don’t know it down to the morning that they conceived unless it’s the only day they had sex in the past few months. Most people would have no need to know what a fetal doppler is. and most people don’t have a hard time getting pregnant. But I’ll never get used to it, because it’s never been my reality!

Anyway, I am genuinely over the moon happy for them. I can’t WAIT for them to find out what they’re having so I can start making them things! And it’s really nice to be able to be happy for someone who I am ashamed to say I don’t think I would have been happy for if I didn’t have my daughter-at least, not this happy. I think it would have hurt too much.

I can’t wait to start sewing!

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3 thoughts on “The First

  1. That’s great! And also so great that you’re able to feel so happy for them. I’ve gotten to the point that people announcing their pregnancies and then talking about them drive me insane, and I don’t even want to talk to them. (Unless you’re someone that I know has been struggling, then I’m just happy for you!) I hope that one day I’ll be past all of that, too. Isn’t it crazy, what a different world fertiles and infertiles live in? Blows my mind…but congrats to your friends!

  2. I’m so happy for you and for them! I totally understand knowing what they’re in store for and wanting that for them. That’s how I feel about one of my friends that will start trying soon. You’re going to be such a great auntie to their child! Yay!

  3. Pingback: I didn’t see this coming…because I really didn’t want to | The Barren Librarian

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