Let’s Get Real About the Mommy Wars

I’m sorry, this post has been brewing under my surface for a while and I really have to speak my truth on something.

The mommy wars are true to a certain extent. I do believe that. I do believe it’s overhyped, but that’s another post.

But here’s the thing: If you feel attacked for some decision you’ve made regarding your child (cosleeping, formula feeding, sleep training-really anything) and then as a way to “combat” the mommy wars you then go and tear down what the OTHER PERSON is doing, then you’re not combating the mommy wars. You’re BEING a combatant in the mommy wars.

I understand how much it sucks to feel like someone is judging you for a choice you’ve made that you genuinely feel is right for your family, but if the way you deal with that is then ripping apart the other side of it? That doesn’t make you the bigger person.

Here are some of the choices I’ve made for my daughter:

Exclusive breast feeding
Babywearing as much as possible
No sleep training
Disposable diapers

I could be judged for all of these. There is another side to all of these choices-and that side is fine. There’s nothing wrong with formula feeding, or being a working mom, or sleep training, or purees, or cloth diapers, or any of it. Nothing at all. My choices are not better than anyone else’s (except the people genuinely abusing their kids. My choices ARE better than those peoples). They are just better for MY family. And that’s okay. My family is not your family. We are allowed to be different.

So don’t be that person. That’s all I’m saying, because it doesn’t do you or anyone else any favors.


9 thoughts on “Let’s Get Real About the Mommy Wars

  1. This kinda makes me happy that I don’t have a baby yet, because that means that I don’t need to deal with any of this. I don’t understand WHY people seem to think that their way of doing “whatever” is the absolute ONLY way that it should be done. If everyone in this world were the same, it would be a very boring place. Hopefully when I have my baby some day I’ll be so engrossed that I won’t even hear the blather going on around me! :-/

  2. Ugh. I think people who attack difference are usually insecure in their own choices. The only way to feel better is to invalidate someone else.

    I just can’t figure out why anyone cares. Like, why do you care about how I’m raising my child? I’m raising MINE, not yours. (This, of course, excludes abusive situations. If I were, say, shooting heroin into my child’s eye balls, that’s another story.)

  3. I agree wholeheartedly. I don’t know how many times I’ve read some whiny post about how everyone is judging someone for their choice and then seen that mom completely tear apart the other side. I just do what works on any given day. It’s all about what works at that moment. Kids are happy, I’m happy. 🙂

  4. Man, i am dreading this. Right now I am still in my safe circle of family and friends. I know that is coming to an end very soon. Boo. I am going to be the jerk mom in the corner who just pretends to read to avoid mom-on-mom contact.

    • It really stinks sometimes. I’ll just be minding my own business and then I read a post where someone is slamming something I’m doing as a mom in “self defense” and I’m like, “dude, I have LITERALLY done nothing to you. Stop slamming me.”

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