“She used to pump in the car. IN FRONT OF ME.”

Hey y’all. Everyone have a lovely holiday? Excellent.

We did too mostly. It’s hard with a six month old who still firmly needs two 1.5-2 hour naps a day, especially since she only got one. She was pretty fussy all through our second celebration of the day, but it was loud and there were lots of things happening. She had a hard time going to bed last night but we made it through to today.

Here’s something though:

Yesterday morning we celebrated Christmas at my dad’s house in the morning. When we were done opening gifts dad said we could go down and eat breakfast. I said that was good timing because Charlie seemed ready to eat too. No one exactly started to move and I indicated, again, that once they left I could feed Charlie.

My sister started going “Oh GOD-i didn’t realize you were going to do it RIGHT HERE. I’ll get out right now I do NOT want to see that!”

All I said back was “you have boobs yourself, it’s really not that big a deal.” But I left it at that. They left, I nursed. We moved on.

Then that night at my grandmas SHE brought it up. She said that she had been traumatized by her boss pumping in the car when they would go on business trips. “SHE DID IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.”

“Well, she sort of had to. I mean, you were in the car so there’s really no place to go. And you have to pump regularly to maintain a supply.”

“Jesus Christ-she could have covered up. No one needs to see that.”

I didn’t get mad, but I did calmly say:

“Honestly? If I didn’t know that it would horrify P, and Uncle C (my male relatives) I would be nursing right here in front of all of you. Because it’s not a big deal. I do it at restaurants all the time, and I’m very discreet.”

Then I got compared to a farm animal when my sister said that she didn’t even like it when her goats did it. She also didn’t understand why I don’t just pump and feed her through a bottle so that others aren’t “grossed out” by me. She said that it seemed like less trouble to not have to “worry about who is staring at me or offended.”

And I didn’t get mad. I just brushed it off because she is so, so ignorant that it’s not worth the fight. And it’s Christmas, and Christmas isn’t just about me-it’s about my whole family, and I know they’re stressed enough when K and I are around each other because of the tension.

But I won’t lie, it got under my skin. I’m not gross. There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m feeding my baby in the manner of my choosing. I love nursing. I truly do. I don’t love pumping, but I do love providing life saving milk to NICU babies through my donations.

There’s nothing wrong with what I do. I am incredibly discreet about it without even having to use a cover. You see maybe a centimeter of breast with my method, but the bottom line is that I’m considerate that my family is a bit backwards on this and I always let them know that I need to feed the baby so that they can leave the room or I can. That’s all that needs to be said about it. No one needs to remind me of how grossed out they are by me.

And yet someone always does.


27 thoughts on ““She used to pump in the car. IN FRONT OF ME.”

  1. I haven’t had to cross the pumping/nursing outside my own home threshold yet, thankfully, because between the size of my breasts and Amora’s difficulty latching and staying on I’m not sure how I would complete the task with any discretion, let alone with a blanket over me. I have had tons of visitors, many of whom have come in the middle of nursing/pumping, and really none have made it a “thing” (again, thankfully!). I usually just say something like “all modesty is out the window at this point, so if it doesn’t bother you to be here it doesn’t bother me.” The only person who has excused themselves so far is my FIL. I can’t believe that SIX MONTHS LATER your family, let alone your sister, act weird about boobs. My sister has seen my boobs about five trillion times before I ever got pregnant. My brother and most of my other relatives too. Nudity has never been a big deal for my clan!

  2. She knows this could be a way to try to get to you and she will therefore try. She seems to LOVE trying to push your buttons. Good for you for brushing her off. I bet she wanted you to freak out so she could cry about how mean you are and how you spoiled her Christmas. You have the patience of a saint!

  3. I’m liking this post for your reaction to k, not for the situation. First, you’re awesome for being the bigger person (as always) and not getting into it with her. Second, her idiocy yet again stuns me. Glad you got through the holiday without too much trouble!

  4. Lol the whole range of opinions right there! Your sister is hilarious (in a really annoying way). Ignorance is always more entertaining to read about when it happens in someone else’s yard. Good for you, standing up for your beliefs and taking the opportunity to educate them. I’m with you 100%, though I’m too lazy for pumping. My hat’s off to you for keeping that up for donating.

  5. Grrrr. This makes me so angry for you. THIS is why many moms, especially new moms feel embarrassed to nurse in public or maybe quit all together for lack of support. I am like you in that I nurse uncovered wherever I am. I do the 2 shirt method so you just see baby head. I’ve been lucky enough to never have been commented to about it. Or rather others have been lucky because I’d get sassy. Most people really don’t care.

    And pumping to bottle feed so others don’t feel uncomfortable annoys me to no end. I despise pumping. No to mention if I’m available, there’s no way Jude will take anything less than breast. Because it’s not just about milk.

  6. Aghhhh your sister sure knows how to push your buttons. I’m impressed you are not held up in jail for giving her a slap and knocking some sense into her!! Because that’s probably where I’d be right now if I were you 😉 Well done for surviving!

  7. I’m so sorry. Your sis is a piece of work. I’m sure she was probably showing more cleavage than you were showing your breast during feeding. It always goes that way. Haha I don’t have much advice to offer as my sister always pushes my buttons too, but I give you credit for being the better person. It’s just so hard when it still bothers you after the fact.

  8. Just another voice chiming in to say you’re amazing for keeping your cool and not responding the way she surely wanted you to. Her particular brand of obnoxious, willful ignorance is really gross.

    I could never nurse either of my girls with a cover because they would refuse to latch and throw it off, but I was able to nurse many times in public with no one realizing what I was doing — and if they did realize. I love seeing women nursing in public, I hope it means the tide is shifting and people are getting more comfortable with it.

  9. I think you sister made a scene more to get to you than because breast feeding grosses her out. It makes sense that your male relatives might be uncomfortable but not your sister.
    Proud of you for not taking her bait!

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