Y’all, I wish I could tell you that after I got pregnant I was that totally healthy, glowing, perfect preggo. I so wasn’t.
I gained a ton of weight while I was pregnant. The doctor never said anything about it but I know it was too much. Like in the 40-50 pound mark I’m guessing. I’m not keeping it from you, I HONESTLY don’t know how much I was at the end because at one point I just stopped looking when they weighed me because I did not want to know. I ostriched those last few weeks.
I lost my baby weight with relative ease though. I was lucky-it didn’t take long to get down to my starting weight. The problem was that a combination of Gonal-F and emotional eating had led to a weight gain of about 20 pounds in my last few cycles. Add in to that serious pregnancy saggy belly and humongously expanded hips (that’s what all that pain at the end was about I’m guessing) and, well, my body was something completely different from what it started out as.
And on top of all that, uh, I had a newborn who of course turned into an infant. I also had no energy and no desire to really work out. I tried a few times at the beginning when Charlie was still a sleepy babe. I would take her to the parents room at the gym in her stroller and let her snooze. But one time she woke up and started to cry and after that I didn’t try anymore. Which was DUMB because it was WAY easier to find time to work out when your baby was sleeping most of the day and night.
Oh, and because it totally makes sense, one of my reactions to being unhappy about my weight and body is to eat a whole lot. And not good stuff. So I just dug that hole a little further.
Add it all up and what you get is a deeply dissatisfied and self conscious librarian who is still wearing her maternity underwear and nightgowns all day because, while it’s all too big, nothing else she owns fits either.
I honestly don’t know how much I weigh right now. i don’t think it’s horrific, but I also don’t think I’m at my prepregnancy weight anymore. I guess I’ll find out tomorrow morning when I weigh in, because I’m taking this shit back.
Tonight in a fit of rage at myself for my treatment of my body over the last two years, I put Charlie in our new Lenny Lamb Mei Tai (yes, I have a baby carrier problem. I don’t need your judgement), put on my work out shoes, and power walked for thirty minutes. The whole time I was saying things like:
“You will NOT accept being fat just because you had a baby.”
“You need to set a better example for your daughter.”
“You need to treat your body better because it gave you an amazing gift.”
“YOU ARE NOT GIVING UP ON YOURSELF.”
Charlie kept looking at me like I was crazy, but she really liked the walking lunges I added in periodically and giggled like mad at the bouncing.
One of my biggest problems is the whole SAHM thing. Right now it’s a fairly sedentary job. I work on my computer for the morning and charlie toodles around on the floor playing. She does that in the afternoon too. I can go on walks every day, but then what? We do storytime on Thursdays (though not this Thursday because my car is in the shop and I have to drive my dad’s land yacht which I’m not comfortable doing anymore than necessary). I’m tracked down a park that’s not within walking distance, but closeish so I can start taking her to it more, but the very nature of the beast is that my priority is her, and she needs floor time, and I have to supervise that. So that’s going to be a challenge and I am definitely open to suggestion on that.
Chief and I had already confronted our eating head on and we’ve done pretty well this week. Last night was sort of a cheat night because we ate out with my dad and had pizza, but I patted myself on the back for drinking water and not coke because I ALWAYS drink coke with pizza-it’s a thing, just ask the Captain. Tonight I made lasagna with lighter ingredients, and two nights ago we had spaghetti squash lasagna and it was excellent. Tomorrow night we’re having hawaiian barbecue chicken wraps. We’re trying.
I hope I can hold onto this attitude. It’s so hard on the really tired days. The reason I was able to make myself work out today was that Chief let me get a nap in this afternoon so I had an energy burst. Charlie is actually sleeping 8-9 hour stretches at night right now but I feel more tired than ever. i’ve read that when your baby starts to sleep better it can take a while for your body to adjust and you actually feel MORE tired. I’m proof positive of that, because I’m effing exhausted all the time. More so than when she was waking up 2-3 times a night.
Tips and suggestions are always welcome.