Until I can make a real decision on what to do with this space, the show goes on. The Barren Librarian isn’t going to just disappear. I don’t want that to happen. It’s been my safe space for a long time and it has a happy ‘ending’ as far as family building goes, so I want that to be here for the woman who is just starting this journey, or who has been at it for a while and just doesn’t know how much more she can take. I want to be a lighthouse to those that need it.
But the fact of the matter is that now I’ve got this kiddo so that’s going to be the focus, and I feel funky about that since this is an infertility community.
At any rate, let’s talk about what it’s like to be one year old.
It’s really fun and really hard but also easier…..because that makes sense.
At her 1 year appointment she was 30 inches long and 17 lbs, so she’s a teeny tot. The doctor was not terribly concerned, but a little. She did drop a percentile line, but she said as long as she doesn’t drop another one by 15 months she won’t think another thing of it. At 15 months if she has she said there might need to be some intervention and testing done. I’d like to avoid that, so basically I’m feeding this baby all the time.
The doctor did also suggest trying to get her on whole milk. She did not tell me to stop breastfeeding, but she said even offering one cup of whole milk a day will be beneficial to calorie gain. What we did decide together though was that it was time to lay the groundwork for weaning. I would like to be done by 18 months. I feel selfish saying that but that’s dumb, because I’m allowed to feel how I want about my breastfeeding journey. That being said, Charlie has been fed on demand her whole life, which meant she was still nursing probably 15 times a day if I’m speaking my truth, even if it was just a minute or two at a time. She also was nursing anytime she was even a little bit upset, and while I know that breastfeeding is powerful for bonding and comforting, I think it’s also important for her to begin to learn how to soothe herself, or at least be soothed in other ways than just breastfeeding. So we’re still going, but she’s on a schedule. She nurses when she wakes up in the morning, before she goes to sleep at night, and before and after her two naps. Six times a day.
There has been some serious resistance to this, but it’s getting better. She’s thrown some toddler worthy fits. I try to be a comforting but firm presence and redirect her attention when this happens and so far we’re surviving. It’s also encouraging her to drink more from a cup so her water intake has been stellar. Milk is a bit of a challenge. She drank five ounces the first day she had some and then had a massive spit up when she woke up early the next morning, so now we’re starting with a much smaller portion a day and working our way up. This is going ok so far. I know by 18 months she needs to be ok with milk if we’re going to be done breast feeding.
My goal is to cut out one nursing session a month for the next six months. We’ll see how that goes. I want to do this really gradually so it’s less traumatic for the both of us. I don’t want our nursing relationship to end with tears and a hell week of her fighting me for the boob.
Nutritionally she does so well. She loves food. Breakfast is usually a fruit cup where I drain the juice out. Once she finishes that she gets a handful of cheerios. That tides her over until her nap when she gets to nurse. Then she nurses when she wakes up around 10-10:30, and then around 11:00 I make her lunch which could be anything from crackers and peanut butter, to broccoli bites, to leftover rotisserie chicken (her absolute favorite). Then she snacks probably every 1.5-2 hours on various things, fruit, cheerios, cheese. There’s not much she doesn’t like which is a blessing.
At her appointment she was slightly iron deficient, she was at 11.1 and the low normal is 11.5. It’s not enough that they want to put her on supplements yet but we are working on getting it up with diet by 15 months. This means more cheerios, oatmeal, red meat (which she struggles with because no molars yet), and leafy greens (not her favorite, but she’ll eat a bit).
With the fit throwing has also come a really sweet side of my baby girl. She likes to be cuddled and actually cuddles me back. Today after a nursing related fit I was playing on the ground with her when she came up and hugged me three times in a row. She also headbutts me when she wants kisses. This makes me feel like bubbles are filling up my insides it makes me so damn happy. I guess 12 months is when a lot of emotional development happens.
She can say dada, momomomom, kitty (comes out like keheee), yes (comes out like yesssshhh). She is doing a lot of independent standing and we feel like she’s just on the edge of walking. she can take one sort of falling over step from the coffee table to the couch and she is SO proud when she does that. Bathtime is still a huge favorite, and she likes crawling around playing with board books while I read her stories before bed. She sleeps ten hours straight at night and then nurses with me for about an hour before getting up for the day. She naps between 2-3 hours total a day, still with two naps a day. She definitely has a ton of molars coming in right now. her gums are all bulgy and swollen, but shocking this doesn’t seem to bother her any.
She is just a bundle of energy-constantly crawling around, chasing cats, snacking, snuggling, sometimes screaming. She’s the most amazing little human I’ve ever met.
With one year being down it makes me feel more and more ready to have another, but I’m trying to cool my emotions about that because really who knows.
Finally, and on a separate note, I’ve gotten some really encouraging career news both from my boss at the law firm and my old boss (the captain) at the library. While nothing is promised or guaranteed, it seems like when Charlie goes to school I’m going to have some great options and that is so good to hear. What’s not so good to hear is that no one has bought my house, and no one is really looking either So we’re just carrying on and doing the best we can at this point.