Appointment Deets

All in all, it went pretty smoothly. He had me sit in his office instead of an exam room which felt more comfortable. The birth control pills were a no-brainer, he asked me what i wanted BCP wise and I said the mini pill since I was still breastfeeding. He said it’s a good choice, especially since I’ve been having second thoughts about using birth control in the first place, because it works when taken correctly and I can stop it pretty easily if I want to, so he called that in for me.

Then we got to the meat of the matter. I told him I was struggling with anxiety. He asked me to tell him more, so of course I started to cry, so he prompted me with some questions: worse at night or during the day? Worse at night for sure, but definitely having issues functioning during the day as well. Triggered by anything in particular? Difficult days with the baby, being tired, being spread too thin. Etc, etc.

He told me that it’s very normal and that it happens to a lot of folks who don’t see it coming. He said he has a lot of moms who don’t have any issues at first who then sort of spiral downward into anxiety and depression and not even realize what’s happening. And BTW-he definitely thinks I have anxiety, but also that I’m depressed. And when he said it it was like a lightbulb went off, and sort of like a weight was lifted but a new one was put on.

I am depressed. I’m depressed about not working full time in a library even though I know it was my choice and that overall it’s been the right choice for my family. I’m depressed about my infertility and whether or not I’ll ever have another baby. I’m depressed about the old house. I’m depressed about Charlie growing up. I’m depressed about my body. I’m depressed about my family troubles.

So, he prescribed me pristiq and gave me two weeks of samples to try first. He said if it doesn’t work he can prescribe me something else and that we have lots of options we can try. He said this was safe for breastfeeding and would be fine if I wanted to get pregnant on it. It’s a class C but they have found no real ill effects on babies or mothers who have taken it.

And fortunately he said it should help with my nervous eating habits. And let me tell you, I’ve put on a lot of weight according to the scale today.

I’m nervous about it. He did say that seratonin based drugs just help level out the highs and lows. He said he has been on them before and they help make the little things not turn into a big huge deal in your mind, but on the other hand they take away some of the highness of the high points. But they’re safer than the benzodiazepenes and he said they’re easier to come off of and adjust.

I’ll continue to update you on how I feel as the medicine starts to work. It’s supposed to take a few weeks to really kick in. Nervously hopeful is how I’m feeling today. And a little sad, to be honest.


13 thoughts on “Appointment Deets

  1. Way to go for the self care. I am very curious how it goes on the meds. It’s something I’m considering, but I’m kind of afraid of it. I hope you start feeling more like yourself soon.

      • I am too. My wife actually told me yesterday that she’s really worried about me, which is huge because she’s usually pretty oblivious to mental health-type things. So obviously it’s time to do something. I saw my doctor months and months ago and I was supposed to start counseling, but after they did my intake over the phone, I never called them back (hi, anxiety) and now I have to suck it up, go back to the doctor, tell him I dropped the ball, and start everything all over again. I just don’t want to deal with it… but I have to.

  2. Well done for seeing it through! I’ve been on anti depressants before. Nothing to be afraid of. They really do level you out. Keep looking after yourself and never be afraid or feel guilty for asking for help.

  3. Glad it went well and that he was clearly understanding and supportive.
    Pills do not make you ‘happy’ ~ they give you a few seconds to turn your brain on before your emotions hijack you. Turning your brain on before you are hijacked allows you time to decide to think, not emote, first. Huge difference in your world that way. Thinking of it this way is helpful in setting expectations.

  4. I’m glad your Dr was understanding and so willing to help. Hopefully the meds will make a difference for you so that you can feel a bit normal again. I understand how you’re feeling, you’re not alone. Don’t be afraid to reach out to others who either have been there, or who can really listen and empathize with you and help you out. Hang in there!!

  5. Good for you for doing this. Depression and anxiety often go hand in hand. I notice when I get a big wave of anxiousness it is usually closely followed by the dip of depression. It is pretty standard apparently (according to my psych anyway). I hope your meds are quite a smooth transition. Your Dr sounds really tops. Go you for taking charge of YOU!

  6. I’m really proud of you and glad you got some support. I hope the meds start working for you soon! In my experience, they help take the edge off so you can figure other things out.

  7. Meds! Are! The! Best! I was on anti-anxiety meds for a few years, and it helped me so much. It was like rain on a newly waxed car– it didn’t make my fears completely disappear, but they would sorta ball up and slide off me. Hopefully this will give you the mental and emotional space you need to figure out a path forward.

  8. Good for you for recognizing your symptoms and taking all these steps towards working on finding solutions that help. Hoping things go well with the meds and getting the depression/anxiety under control in general.

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