All in all, it went pretty smoothly. He had me sit in his office instead of an exam room which felt more comfortable. The birth control pills were a no-brainer, he asked me what i wanted BCP wise and I said the mini pill since I was still breastfeeding. He said it’s a good choice, especially since I’ve been having second thoughts about using birth control in the first place, because it works when taken correctly and I can stop it pretty easily if I want to, so he called that in for me.
Then we got to the meat of the matter. I told him I was struggling with anxiety. He asked me to tell him more, so of course I started to cry, so he prompted me with some questions: worse at night or during the day? Worse at night for sure, but definitely having issues functioning during the day as well. Triggered by anything in particular? Difficult days with the baby, being tired, being spread too thin. Etc, etc.
He told me that it’s very normal and that it happens to a lot of folks who don’t see it coming. He said he has a lot of moms who don’t have any issues at first who then sort of spiral downward into anxiety and depression and not even realize what’s happening. And BTW-he definitely thinks I have anxiety, but also that I’m depressed. And when he said it it was like a lightbulb went off, and sort of like a weight was lifted but a new one was put on.
I am depressed. I’m depressed about not working full time in a library even though I know it was my choice and that overall it’s been the right choice for my family. I’m depressed about my infertility and whether or not I’ll ever have another baby. I’m depressed about the old house. I’m depressed about Charlie growing up. I’m depressed about my body. I’m depressed about my family troubles.
So, he prescribed me pristiq and gave me two weeks of samples to try first. He said if it doesn’t work he can prescribe me something else and that we have lots of options we can try. He said this was safe for breastfeeding and would be fine if I wanted to get pregnant on it. It’s a class C but they have found no real ill effects on babies or mothers who have taken it.
And fortunately he said it should help with my nervous eating habits. And let me tell you, I’ve put on a lot of weight according to the scale today.
I’m nervous about it. He did say that seratonin based drugs just help level out the highs and lows. He said he has been on them before and they help make the little things not turn into a big huge deal in your mind, but on the other hand they take away some of the highness of the high points. But they’re safer than the benzodiazepenes and he said they’re easier to come off of and adjust.
I’ll continue to update you on how I feel as the medicine starts to work. It’s supposed to take a few weeks to really kick in. Nervously hopeful is how I’m feeling today. And a little sad, to be honest.