Ok, Life-Could you cut me some slack?

My sister-in-law is naturally, spontaneously pregnant with triplets.

Triplets.

As you can imagine, there are some feelings about that. Let me say that I never ever want to have triplets. I have never wanted to have multiples. I was pretty insistent about that when we started fertility treatments and told the doctor to do as much as possible to just stimulate one egg. We only starting considering stimulating more than one after we had a few failures. But I digress.

So anyway. I don’t want multiples. I don’t. So why does this still hurt so much? I got over her being pregnant. I’ve already bought fabric to make baby clothes in unisex colors that should appeal to her because she’s a math teacher and I special ordered expensive math fabric. But hearing from my husband that she was having triplets was like being punched in the gut. I got the call from my husband right as Charlie poured a glass of ice water everywhere and started to scream at me about it, and after I got off the phone I yelled at her and felt so awful that we cuddled on the couch and I cried.

I messaged Molly at HoundMamas and as usual she was delightful and validated all of these hard and awful feelings for me and cheered me up enough that I gathered all my strength and put my big girl pants on and texted my SIL to congratulate her.

The other thing is that she’s measuring pretty far behind. She should have been between 8 and 10 weeks along based on how long her temps have been up, but the babies are only measuring at six weeks, and the doctor thinks she is actually seven weeks along. They didn’t see any heartbeats today so they’re going back in three weeks. Of course I’m hoping for the absolute best. She’s pretty freaked out understandably, so I don’t know if I should just hope for two heartbeats or what, so I’m just hedging my bets and hoping for the best outcome for everyone. I don’t really know much about how multiples affect growth, especially in the beginning, but the doctor acted like they couldn’t even really date the pregnancy today which just seemed weird.

Some of these rough feelings stem back to just my complicated and at times awful relationship with my in-laws to begin with. They didn’t want me to get pregnant with the first baby, and I’m sure they feel validated that SIL has one-upped me by getting pregnant with three. They have very little to do with Charlie. Of course they send her gifts and things at Christmas and her birthday, but they’ve only seen her a few times in her life (fine with me because I don’t like them, but I can tell it’s hard for my husband). They skipped her baptism, they skipped our baby shower….And all of that is on me. They don’t like me, they’ve made that very clear. Charlie gets enough love from my family and friends that it’s not like she’s missing out on much, but I know it bothers my husband.

But on that note, he didn’t understand why I was emotional about this today, so that kind of sucks. I know he’s a guy, but it’s like…weren’t you there for those three excruciating years of infertility treatments? And my surgery, and weight loss, and month after month of failure? Has he really just forgotten all of that?

Anyway, I’m now off to figure out how to get more of this fabric since it was a preorder… I might have to throw myself at the mercy of the vendor and see if they can scrounge up some more for me. Try not to judge my feels too harshly. Trust me, I already am.

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7 thoughts on “Ok, Life-Could you cut me some slack?

  1. I do understand your complex feelings and know they are normal and human.
    But from the medical reports you mention, the possibility that she will actually be giving birth to ANY living babies from this pregnancy is low. No heartbeats at 7 weeks is really tough news. IF no baby(ies) turns out to be true, please do not beat yourself up. You are not involved in her outcomes and not responsible. I do believe you will be empathetic to the losses in that event. That may be the gift you can really offer. If she does have triplets the probability will be NICU babies and possible damage from prematurity … because no heart beats at 7 weeks bodes trouble.
    Some grand parents play favorites. My 11 year old granddaughter has NEVER meet her other grandparents; their choice. . They did not send a baby gift and ignore all holidays and birthdays for her. I think that makes them who they are, it is their loss not hers ~ because who needs people like that in their life. MY granddaughter is brilliant, athletic, kind, loving, beautiful, and wonderful. She is lucky to not be around people who have ugly hearts.
    Hang in. Charlie is grand. Ignore anyone who is so silly and foolish as to not have and keep her in their lives.

  2. I can understand your feelings. Especially when that side of the family has also treated you like crap. I also have to agree with Jane. Seems to not be a good sign that there’s not heartbeats…at least I know it wasn’t for me. And if that is the case…absolutely do not beat yourself up about it. Sending you lots of love! ❤

  3. Hi, I’ve been reading since you were trying to conceive. At that time I was also struggling with infertility. My little girl was born in May 2015. In August 2015 I was diagnosed with stage IV cancer. Since that time I’ve had 23 rounds of chemo, 4 surgeries and lots of ups and downs. You remind me of myself before I was diagnosed. I say this not to be critical but in the hope that it might help: stop looking for things to be upset by. Life is hard, but beautiful and you are very blessed. Focus on all you have, not what you don’t. Cxx

  4. I certainly understand how you feel. I don’t even know her and I felt a heart tug hearing that news.
    I don’t think they so much forget as they don’t ever fully understand what you go through. I think the only ones that kind of get it are the men who have to have needles in their boys to collect sperm. It’s such an invasive thing to go through and I just don’t think most men understand how traumatising that is for us. There were some times during my treatment where Hubby would joke with the nurses to try and lighten the mood and I would just snap at him because I was about to have needles in my lady parts and therefore was on the verge of a panic attack. I think they just don’t get it.

  5. I’m still stuck on the naturally pregnant with triplets.Woah.
    I think you are completely fine with where your feelings are at. I would feel like it was a sucker punch as well. These feelings can be so hard to explain sometimes. You can be perfectly happy for someone and through no fault of their own it still hurts your feelings.

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