She lost the babies. I feel so much sadder than I think I would have if this had been easy for me from the start, but at this point my emotions so so so don’t matter so I’m just trying to be as supportive as I can from 1000 miles away.

I’ve sent flowers and let her know that we are here for whatever they need. She said she didn’t want sympathy and just wants to try and stay upbeat. I encouraged her to let herself grieve but I didn’t want to be pushy.

This is not a territory I’ve been in before and I’m not sure what more to do. I’m open to suggestions.


9 thoughts on “Gone

  1. I’m so sorry for her huge loss. It’s always so hard to lose a baby, I can’t imagine losing 3 at once. Really the best thing you can do is make sure she knows you’re there if she needs you or wants to talk, and give her space if that’s what she needs as well. When I went through my miscarriage, really at first I didn’t want to talk to anyone for a while. I felt like a horrible failure, completely responsible for that baby not surviving. After I got through the worst of the physical, I NEEDED to talk to people who understood. She may not really know what she wants right now, so just be available if she seeks you out. Sending huge hugs to her 😢

  2. Oh my gosh I am so, so sorry. I think you have done all that you can for now. Everybody grieves differently so she might be like me who puts on a brave face in public and crumbles behind closed doors.
    Thinking of her and you.

  3. Her response to the loss gets to be her way. Not my way, not your way. And with no opinion on her way. At least now you know they are not preventing babies so you are better prepared. You have expressed sympathy and sorrow for them. Well done with the flowers. Wait a few weeks and ask simply how she is doing with out naming any topics. She leads and you follow on this topic. Nope, I don’t get it either but maybe 3 was more overwhelming than she let on. Maybe she is having second thoughts about another try. Maybe many things. Absolutely expect minefields on the topic of babies with her. Good luck. It sounds like you are dealing really really beautifully with the situation.

  4. I had four losses before my rainbow baby and sending flowers was such a lovely gesture. I received flowers from my sister for a few of my losses and it was so appreciated. I think just being there if she wants to talk about it is all you can really do.

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