Tomorrow at 9:00 am I’m going to walk back into the Fertility Clinic for the first time in 2.5 years. The last time I was there I was 6w2d pregnant with Charlie.

I don’t want to go back.

This appointment is so different. I’m not actively trying to conceive, I’m just trying to take care of myself so that I can live a healthy life and someday, maybe we could have another baby.

I had to go back in and edit my medical history and everything. I’m thirty pounds heavier than when I first went in three years ago. That was a low blow to take. I’m on different medications. I’ve had a successful pregnancy.

Everything is so different, but walking in that door feels the same. Ugh. That’s what it feels like. A big bag of ugh.


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