Fucking. House.

We close on the house on Tuesday. It was supposed to be this past Friday but the title company couldn’t get everything done in time so it for postponed.

Tonight we had a freaking monsoon come through. I woke up at 2:30 in a panic and drove to the old house.

Basement room at least two inches under water. Our sump pump is in storage and the facility isn’t open until Monday, so Chief has to go to Lowes as soon as they open to buy a new one and get the water out. And by the way, it’s still raining. Heavily. For hours to come.

I swear to god if this messes up the deal I’m probably going to lose it. I hate that god damn house.


Well Crap

I had my final job interview for the on base position working with the families of deployed soldiers. I was offered the job.

And I really, really liked how the interview went. Let’s review the pros and cons with some revisions after what I’ve learned today:

1. Incredibly flexible schedule. I was told that if Charlie gets sick I can work from home, I can move things around to go to the doctor-as long as the mission is being accomplished, I can basically do what I need to do. I need to hit my hours and get my job done. That’s what they care about.

2. I wouldn’t have to start until June-no rush.

3. Good pay and benefits

4. Fulfilling work (this shouldn’t be number four, but these aren’t in any particular order) and a chance to make a real world impact in a way that is near and dear to my heart.

5. My supervisor is in another state and he seems incredibly nice. I’d be really independent a lot of the time and that’s….appealing. Really appealing.

6. There’d be some travel, but not a lot. I like traveling, but I wouldn’t want to do it all the time. So in this way, I think it would help scratch an itch without rubbing me raw.


1. The occasional weekend-like one every 3-4 months. This isn’t bad at all considering coming from a public library background

2. Not a library job. This shouldn’t matter, but I have a masters degree and a shit ton of student loan debt that says it does.

3. Travel that, while scratching an itch, would take me away from my baby girl. My first trip would be in June-five days in Minnesota. That’s a long time to be away from my daughter when I’ve never even been away from her for more than five hours.

My day long interview with the school is tomorrow. IF they offer me the job (a big IF) I have a huge, life altering decision to make. If they don’t, well, I guess problem solved. I hated telling the guy on the phone today that I would have to let him know in a few days. I could tell he was disappointed. I was literally called and offered the position by the recruiter ten minutes after I finished talking with the supervisor. Luckily they were understanding but it feels like being asked out on a date and telling the guy you have to think about it. I don’t know why it feels that way, but it does.

So…awkward. Wish me luck tomorrow. They changed the schedule around so now teaching the lesson is one of the last things on the agenda ugghhh. I wanted to get it out of the way early. And I changed my lesson topic to Computer Error Detection. we’re going to talk about parity bits and ISBN and UPC check digits, and then I have a fun activity where they’re going to play “Who’s the Fastest Computer?” I’m also going to throw in some Hidden Figures talk 🙂

I know you guys are probably tired of this, but it’s just such a huge decision. At least I know that no matter what happens tomorrow, I have a rewarding job waiting for me and hopefully a positive future for my family.

Until the Very End

On Friday the lady at the title company seemed perplexed with the title search, saying something about a third mortgage on it. We only have two mortgages on the property so this had me worried, but honestly I just thought she was confused because this company hasn’t shown themselves to be terribly competent.

But then today I got to thinking about it and felt like I’d feel better if I ran a title search. So I paid $20.00 for a title search that did indeed come up with something that was very, very wrong.

We purchased the house in April of 2012. Here’s the timeline:

April 2012: purchased
August 2012: HELOC acquired for remodel (so second mortgage)

Yeah, that’s what it says. Some random lady that I’ve never heard of is coming up on our title search with a special warranty deed from US Bank for $10,000. Because of course.

So, here’s how I handled it:

Step 1: I panicked
Step 2: I cried a little
Step 3: I called Chief, my mom, my dad, my cousin Elaine who did our first title on the house, my realtor. Of course the last two didn’t answer and the first three sounded almost as alarmed as I did.
Step 4: I did some research on what a special warranty deed is which did nothing to reassure me.
Step 5: I called my friend J who is a realtor who said that it did sound like a clerical error, but without seeing our original loan to know whether we have title insurance he couldn’t really advise us on what’s going to happen for sure.
Step 6: Continue panicking. Talk to husband and parents a bit more.
Step 7: Go to the assessors office page and look at our records. It just shows us as the owners, not this other lady.
Step 8: Resolve that I’m not going to be able to figure anything out until tomorrow.

But of course I couldn’t just let it go. OF COURSE I COULDN’T JUST LET IT GO. I started thinking that if this lady owned our home she should show up on the assessors page. So I typed her name in. There are a bunch of people with her name but about the fourth one down I found the issue.

This lady did indeed get a special warranty deed for $10,000 from US Bank on the day in question…..in a neighborhood in the neighboring town with the exact same name as our neighborhood.

A fucking. clerical. error.

I was flooded with relief and did some karate kicks while shouting that I had librarianed the CRAP out of this problem. But now we have to get it fixed and hopefully PLEASE GOD still close on time.

I have no idea how long something like that will take. But I sent my realtor an email (my realtor who NEVER CALLED ME TODAY LIKE I ASKED HER TO UGGGHHHHHH) and I’m hoping this doesn’t foul everything up.

This house is going to fight me until the very last. I’m so ready to be rid of it.

High Stress, High Reward?

This week has all the chips on the table. Let’s review:

Tuesday: Final phone interview with the air base.

Wednesday: All day spent at the private school. SEVEN interviews scheduled that day with everyone from the headmaster to the head of athletics, plus teaching a lesson, plus attending chapel and a school tour AND lunch.

Friday: Allegedly closing on the old house. The appraisal came back today $600 higher than the selling price, so we made it by the skin of our teeth. There are three minor things we need to do tomorrow for FHA to fund the loan, but it won’t be expensive or time consuming.

Of course the thing I am the most stressed about is Wednesday. I’ve prepared a pretty thorough lesson on information theory that’s both informative and fun (I think). I have three different game like activities I’m using to help demonstrate the theory. It’s for sixth graders so I can’t get terribly deep into it (which is good) but we are going to discuss entropy and high levels of entropy vs low levels of entropy.  My biggest fear is not being able to fill the time and getting done too early. I have to teach for an hour and five minutes, though I imagine the regular teacher will probably take a few minutes for her own announcements and introducing me and stuff. I’m trying not to overthink. I’ve lead tons of programs at the library, but this is so much more formal.

A major source of stress for Wednesday is my wardrobe. Basically I’m throwing money at the problem and not taking tags off of anything until I come to a final decision on what I’m wearing, which will probably happen Wednesday morning. I bought a pair of trousers last night, another pair today with a flowy top and matching jewelry, and then a few dresses on Amazon that’ll be here Tuesday night. The pants from today needed to be hemmed in a major way so the tags will have to come off of those, but I like them well enough that even if I don’t wear them on Wednesday I don’t mind keeping them.

I also bought a professional looking satchel bag to stash the extra three pairs of pantyhose I’m bringing and my lunch in. I don’t know if they’re providing me with lunch and it would sure be embarrassing to not be prepared, so this way I can hide it in there just in case. Plus a bottle of water or two, spare deoderant, bandaids in case of blisters, my lesson plan….Oy. I’m starting to sweat just thinking about it.

By next Friday I could have a new job and one less house. I really want both of those things to happen.

I’m really, really struggling with my self esteem. I keep having to repeat things in my head on a loop “you can do this, you had a career before and you’ll have one again, you were a great student, you have all the right credentials.” It’s starting to take on a monotone. I’ve loved being home with Charlie, but something about the SAHM life has really put a dent in my already fairly dented self esteem. Trying on clothes the last two days was like slamming a semi truck into it. I haven’t had to buy professional clothing since I was pregnant and back then it was totally okay for stuff to cling to my belly. Now I’m having to buy sizes I never bought before to get stuff to skim over my belly comfortably, and it’s hit me hard. I wish it didn’t, but it does. That’s who I am. That’s how I was raised to be.

I just want to show up on Wednesday and feel qualified, smart, beautiful, fashionable, and also comfortable in my own skin. I was hoping to get my hair colored on Tuesday because my grey is coming through but my stylist is out on Tuesday and I’ve never done it myself before. It’s just my natural color so it’s not like I’d have to bleach it or anything, but it makes me nervous to try something so big before a job interview, so probably I’m just going to hope they don’t notice some bits of grey here and there.

Qualified, smart, beautiful, fashionable, comfortable-I’ve been there before. I hope I can get there again.

The saga continues

I had a really long phone conversation with the principal at the new school. It went well. I mean I think it went REALLY well. I felt confident answering all of his questions and he really understood me when I was talking about feeling like a chunk of my life was missing without my career. He literally said “it feels like a big piece of who you are is missing, right?” Seriously that made me feel like “yes, this is it.”

Anyway, we talked for almost an hour and he said that the next step was to have me speak with the head of the library department, which is the elementary school librarian. We spoke this afternoon. She was really chipper and friendly. She asked just a few questions and I think I did pretty well. She has invited me to come to campus for an entire day to complete the application process. Apparently I interview with the principal, the headmaster (yes, they are two different things), all the other librarians (just two, one of which I know) and I guess a few other people she didn’t get specific about. I’ll have lunch with teachers so they can get to know me and THEN I have to teach a class, which is the only part of this that scares the shit out of me. I know that it would be part of the job but it’s different knowing it’s part of the job and actually having to prove on the spot that I can do it. They did say that they would provide the lesson plan for me though, so that’s okay.

At the end of the conversation she said “so we’ll schedule that in the near future” which made me uneasy because….yeah I’ve got this other job possibly on the line. so I was really upfront and told her that I had the final interview for a job that I didn’t want as much as I wanted this one, but that would still be a really good job. I told her that I didn’t want to leave them on the hook, but that I felt like I was within my rights that if they offered it to me I could ask for a few days to think about it, but with all that being said, I would like to come to campus sooner rather than later. She said she completely understood and she appreciated my honesty. I hope she didn’t think I was trying to leverage that job offer that isn’t even real yet to get an offer out of her. I really wasn’t. I just felt like honesty was the best policy in this situation.

So that’s where things are. I really, really, really, really, REALLY, want this job to work out. The culture at the school sounds awesome. I would have a group of 15 students that I advise and meet with as a group once a week and that sounds like something I would really love. The class I would be teaching would be an exploratory design course, so that’s things like basic coding, 3D printing, minor level robotics. She said they don’t expect me to be an expert coming in but to be capable of learning and following along with the lesson plans and helping the kids. I think I can do that….I hope.

I certainly hope I can do that in the interview anyway!

ETA: I forgot to mention that the only other candidate at the job is an internal candidate-a teacher. So that makes me nervous. The principal said that does not give them an advantage over me and that they wouldn’t waste my or their time bringing me to campus if I wasn’t a viable candidate, so I’m really hoping that’s true.

Hard Choices

I need to babble for a bit.

I had a phone interview today for the job on base and it sounds like a great job. I’m just going to list some pros and cons:


  1. Pay is equal to what I was making at the library, and actually maybe a bit higher. It was really low but if you don’t take the benefits package (which I don’t need because I have awesome benefits through Chief’s work) they up your rate of pay by almost $5.00 an hour.
  2. The hours would jive with Chief’s perfectly, meaning he could stay home with Charlie during the day and I could just pick her up from his office when he starts his shift. No need for anymore daycare or anything and she could stay at her current MDO all the way through their preschool program.
  3. Fulfillment wise, this job sounds perfect for me. I would be helping families through their soldier’s deployments, and helping those soldiers when they come home. I can’t imagine work more fulfilling than that.
  4. It’s not a library job, but it is a public service job, so I thiiiiiink it would count towards my public service loan repayment.


  1. I don’t start accruing PTO for a year, so any time off before then is unpaid. Allowed, but unpaid.
  2. It’s not a library job. Am I really ready to give up that career? It might be even harder to break back into it if I take a job that has nothing to do with it-what if I really regret that?
  3. They want me to start May 1 if I get the job. I’d lose this whole last summer with my baby girl. I don’t have to go back to work yet. It’s optional. The job at the school if I get it I figure I’d work for about a month and then we’d have the school holiday, so I’d get the summer off to spend with Charlie and Chief.

I got an email yesterday from the school asking for a phone interview. I sent them some times I’m available and haven’t heard back. My inside connection told me last week that they have an interview today and it’s the only candidate (besides me) that they’re considering, so it’s entirely possible that interview will go so well that they won’t even want to talk to me. The base job almost seems like a done deal. I have a second phone interview on Tuesday of next week but he acted like I was a prime candidate and the last one was just a formality. He said if it went well I’d probably get an offer within 24 hours. That only gives me one last week with my baby girl before going back to work.

Am I crazy guys? I mean it was my choice to start applying for jobs and now I’m having all these regrets. It’s been so hard to watch former work colleagues progress in their career and to be so static, but if I take this job on base I’m embarking on a whole new career. It sounds like a great job doing important work, but am I going to regret leaving my daughter before I have to? And on the other hand, if I opt to not take it if it’s offered to me, am I going to regret not taking a good job with great hours when it was offered to me if I can’t find something like it down the line? Jobs like that do NOT exist within the public library world, which is why I’ve been looking more private sector, but private sector librarian jobs are also freaking impossible to get.

I know I’m counting so many chickens before they’re hatched, but I can’t help myself. I have to run through the possibilities, and probably will, for the next week.

What would you do? Weighing all this information I really want your honest opinions.

The Work Conundrum continues

I’ve been applying for jobs. I’m trying to only apply for jobs that I’m really interested in. It’s one of the points of me starting to apply for jobs nine months before I actually need to get back to work.

I’ve applied for a lot of librarian jobs and received absolutely zero interviews. Most of them were jobs I was overqualified for-like they wanted someone with a high school diploma and a few years of library experience. I have a masters degree and 10+ years of library experience.

This was starting to hit me pretty hard and make me worried that my career had been completely shuttered by me taking a few years off to stay home with my daughter EVEN THOUGH I’ve been working part time at the law firm that entire time as a librarian and therefore have that on my resume.

I had started to branch out to look at other public service positions. One came open with Chief’s unit. It’s called a Yellow Ribbon Integration Specialist-it’s basically like a counselor type position to help soldiers transition from active duty to guard and civilian lifestyle. It sounds worthwhile and meaningful. The starting pay is a little low, but I would be on base and have federal benefits and if the hours would work it could be really great for us.

But then last night I saw that the most exclusive and shmancy private school in town is hiring a middle school librarian. Y’ALL. School hours? Summers off? Working with youths which I’ve been doing my ENTIRE career? Where do I sign? I just so happen to know the upper school librarian at this place so I messaged her last night and she is supposed to call me tomorrow because they’re having a meeting about exactly what they’re going to be looking for in a candidate. The best part of all is that since it’s a private school my MLIS is perfectly acceptable, meaning I don’t need a teaching degree with a school library media masters degree.

THAT’S the job I want. Obviously. But it’s also going to be the job that everyone in town wants, including other school librarians who have a lot more experience working in a school than I do. I want it so much that I’m already disappointed because I feel like I’m not going to get it. Chief keeps telling me that I have as good a shot as anyone and I want to believe that, but my self esteem has taken a hit from being a SAHM.

A huge conundrum is that I have a phone interview for the on base job tomorrow. I’m afraid that IF I’m offered this position I’ll have to make a judgement call about whether to take it or to pass on it to try for the other one. Frankly, that’s what I’m leaning towards. That is the WHOLE POINT of me starting to apply so early-I want to take the time to find the right job. But the idea of passing up on an offer seems crazy.

The problem is, in my head, I already work at that school.