Everything that’s ever happened happened in the past two weeks

That might be a slight exaggeration, but perhaps not.

So as you guys know, I got the assistant manager gig. HOORAH! Hard work and lots of school really DOES pay off at some point 😀

The transition hasn’t been the easiest. Some people have been resistant. At some point I might type a private post about that. You know how paranoid I am about internet spies. But at the end of the day I’m where I need and genuinely believe I deserve to be, and that’s what I keep telling myself.

Also, I have even more work to do than I did before. I’m not really losing any responsibilities as a programmer, I’m just gaining new responsibilities as a manager. Which is fine, staying busy makes the day go faster after all.

In IF updates, the update is that I have no updates. No Lupron side effects that I can notice. I’ve had some problems sleeping, but I can’t tell if that’s from stress or Lupron. The progesterone has been fine. My boobs have even stopped hurting. And I think my hair looks so much better, so I’ll miss that aspect of it. The bummer is that I get to have the shoot-dye-up-my-vagina test on Monday to see if my tubes have remained unblocked since the surgery. It seems soon since it’s only been two months, but this is what the doctor said to do, and far be it from me to disagree. I’m concerned about insurance paying for it, but they paid for it on my surgery day (I think) so I’m just going with it.

Speaking of my surgery, my anesthesiologist has billed me, my surgeon has billed me. You know who HASN’T billed me? The freaking hospital. And I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to remind them or anything. But it’s really weird. I haven’t even gotten notification from my insurance company that they’ve been billed, but I know they have been because the anesthesiologist only took half the deductible, which would mean if the hospital hadn’t billed I would have had to pay all the surgeon’s fee, and I only had to pay 20%. I’m on an 80/20 plan, which means that the hospital must have billed.

So why haven’t I gotten a bill? I payed a $300 down payment, but that shouldn’t have covered everything after deductible. I think I should owe another $400 or so.

Insurance is SOOO fun.

In fitness news, I’m down 45 pounds. It’s SOOOO slow now. So slow. But at least it’s still moving. I’ve started doing quarter mile sprints on the elliptical. They are HARD. But I think they’ll be worth it. Upping the intensity seems like the logical next step. My muscles are hurting, and last night I had one of those never ending dreams where I’m being chased. I keep thinking the two must be related :-/

I’ll update you guys after the super fun vagina-dye test. At least I’m getting an afternoon off out of the deal….

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Doctor Doctor, Give me the news…

So I went to see my doctor yesterday to have my post surgery check up and talk about options. Chief went with me which was nice, other than the awkwardness of having my husband sit next to me while Dr. T felt me up.

So before I thought my tubes and everything were fine and it was just endometriosis that he found-not true! Dr. T and I had had a discussion before the surgery that I didn’t want my parents to know about us trying for kids, so when he went to talk to my family afterwards I wanted him to gloss over those parts. Apparently, my right tube was COMPLETELY blocked. Like, completely. No dye got through until he opened it up, and then there was a rush of it. In my head I’m going “FOUR MONTHS OF CLOMID HELL FOR NOTHING?!?!” but I’m also relieved that it’s opened. He said it was VERY good that we did the surgery.

He also said that the endo he removed was stage II, but that he doesn’t really care what stage it’s in because stage I can hurt the same as stage IV, so the important thing is that we deal with it. He didn’t think that the Endo was probably affecting my fertility too much, but that it’s probably has some hand in it and it’s certainly not helping it.

Then he said he wants to give me a three month shot of Lupron and do the add back therapy to help with the side effects. We talked quite a bit about the side effects and the outlook for fertility after the shot has worn off. He said that it would probably be three months after the shot has worn off before I start cycling again, but he fully believes that I will cycle normally for at least a little while-maybe a long while. He says it’s important for the sake of keeping the endo from growing back, but it could also be the thing that helps us get pregnant. And the timeline is perfect, because we didn’t want to start trying until January anyway, so this puts us being “fertile” again by the end of January. He said I should start temping again in December. I don’t look forward to that, but I know it’s a good idea.

I’m sort of afraid of Lupron. There are a lot of people out there on the scary interwebs who said that they basically went crazy, couldn’t work, were in pain all the time, wanted to kill themselves. Dr. T assures me this is not the norm by any means, and that the add back therapy helps a lot. I’m also concerned about weight gain considering how hard I’m working to get rid of the weight!

So now I need advice. I now you’re all running away to a blog free weekend, but what do you think? I’ve agreed to do the shot because ultimately my body could probably use the reset. And I keep thinking that three months is nothing in the grand scheme of a better life-right?

This is my serenity song right now. It’s keeping me calm. Also, I’m pretty sure this is my 100th post. Happy Friday folks.

Endometriosis, Laparoscopy, and a Really Long Post

I have been gone for something like three weeks. This is, I realize, unreasonable. All I can do is try to catch you up on that time.

The most important thing that happened is that I had my laparoscopy. Leading up to it I got really nervous. Chief and I spent a lot of time the weekend before at the movie theatre-for whatever reason, seeing movies was an expensive but effective diversion for me. We even saw a movie the night before and didn’t get home until after 11:00 pm. This was a better plan than I ever expected-because I was so tired that I just took a shower and went straight to sleep. I didn’t have the energy to stress or be scared, and trust me, I had spent enough time feeling that way. I even cried a little on the way home from the theatre. I had never had any sort of surgery before, so this really freaked me out.

So Monday morning at 5:30 we were at the day surgery center and luckily they didn’t waste any time. I peed in a cup, I got my insurance all taken care of, and then I sat for maybe three minutes before the pre-op nurse came and took me away, assuring me that Chief would be able to come back and see me soon.

Everyone was so nice. I told my nurse that I was scared and that I’d never had surgery before and she was very comforting. She numbed my hand so she wouldn’t cause me pain putting the IV in and taking blood. She talked to me about my family and her family and all sorts of distracting things. Once the IV was in, I actually felt a lot better. Chief got to come back with me and my parents came and visited a little too. Then we got the upsetting news that my doctor’s surgery schedule was messed up and he had thought my procedure was tomorrow. It seemed like he was going to be potentially an hour late. I was NOT HAPPY. Luckily, he really booked it and made it quick. We ended up only starting about 15 minutes late. Once he came into the room I felt instantly calm. He is really reassuring and we’ve been down this journey together 100% of the way-I actually felt a rush of affection towards him that was unexpected. After we chatted about the procedure they gave me the Valium in my IV. Let me tell you, that is GOOD STUFF. They wheeled me into the OR and I had no worries at all. I was wearing my grey ankle socks with orange foxes on them and one of the nurses said “Oh! Are those cats on your socks?” And I said “No-they’re foxes. But I have cats!” and someone said (I think the anesthesiologist) “How many do you have?” And I said “Four-it’s really amazing that I found a husband, isn’t it?” And then everyone laughed and they put the anesthesia mask on and I was OUT.

When I woke up, I really hurt. Really, bad cramps, just like I’ve been having with my periods. The first words I said were “I’m hurting-where’s my husband? It hurts, I want my husband” And that went on a continuous loop. Luckily, they were on hand with some morphine and that went into my IV and started working pretty quickly. They gave me a second dose about five minutes later because it still hurt some, although I told them it was manageable. Apparently they are very anti pain, and I was okay with that. I kept asking for my husband and also water because I was so thirsty. They finally got my husband for me and then I wanted to go back to sleep, which they told me I could do, but they couldn’t release me to go home until I was really awake, so I fought it pretty hard and they let me go home. On top of the morphine, they gave me a percocet before I left, just in case.

He cauterized a good amount of endometriosis. My tubes were open and everything else looked good. He showed my husband pictures but I haven’t seen them yet because my doctor was gone by the time I woke up. I have six incisions, which is more than usual, but he kept finding it places I guess and having to go in through different areas to cauterize it. The good news is that after that initial pain, I didn’t have much. I bled a medium flow for about three days, and I only had to take percocet for the first two days. I had some pain when sitting up and rolling over and stuff, but the worst pain was in my shoulders-that was pretty bad. Also when taking deep breaths for the first few days. Now, my stomach looks/feels bruised. It seems that some of the incisions are healing faster than others. I have a follow up on the 19th and Chief is going with me so we can make a game plan.

Right now the worst part is that I’m on pelvic rest for another two weeks. Never have I wanted to have sex more than when I’m told that I can’t. And three weeks of pelvic rest seems excessive. I can’t even take baths-and I love taking baths! Baths and sex are my favorites!

Anyway, tomorrow I have to go back to work (drag) and get back to my normal life as much as possible. I’m going to go the gym tomorrow and see what I can do. Even though I had surgery this week, I really enjoyed having a lot of time off with my husband. We don’t get to do that very often, and when we do have time off we’re always busy. This was just a week of laying in bed together for the most part, and I really loved that. So in a way, surgery gave me something unexpected-and that was a whole new appreciation for Chief. I’m a little nervous about our game plan going forward, but I’m trying to tell myself not to stress about it before we meet with the doctor in a few weeks.

If you’ve made it to the end you deserve a prize.

Questions

It has been scheduled. Officially. I go in for my lap surgery at 5:30 am on July 1st. My procedure will be at 7:30 am. It looks like it’s going to cost around $1500 out of pocket, but the hospital is going to let us make payments, which is great. My work loaned me $750 interest free and will take $75 out a paycheck for the next ten paychecks to pay it back. I’m blessed to work here-really and truly. Everyone has been so supportive.

When I scheduled the surgery today they told me the basics-no eating after midnight, have someone there to drive you home, etc. She said that my doctor would call the Friday before (my surgery is on a Monday) and go over things in detail with me and that I could take that time to ask him any questions that might crop up. Here are some I’ve already thought of:

1. Will I have to be on a catheter?
2. What drugs will I go home with?
3. Is bleeding (vaginally-not incision site wise) expected after this surgery?
4. What level of pain is normal post surgery?
5. How long should I refrain from cardio activity?
6. What is involved in this two hour prep time?

I’m going to ask him all of these and I’m sure more. If you have any questions you think I should ask, throw them in. If you have answers from YOUR own experiences with this procedure, I’d love to hear those as well. Some good news is that we found out that the military has been skimping Chief on his BAH pay since we got married, so we’re expecting to get some back pay in 7-10 days-which is going to possibly come in REALLY handy for this surgery. Also, my hospital is considering discounting our fees since he’s about to go on furlough.

On to the book challenge!

13. Your favorite book from childhood

Hmmm. Tough one-although probably the BFG by Roald Dahl. It was the first chapter book I ever read on my own and I read it pretty fast for a third grader. Dahl is magical.

14. A book you regret not having read sooner

Princess Diaries. Easily. I just finished the last book and they have been such sweet, darling books. Hilarious and quirky with some romance and crazy teenage antics. I just loved every minute of all 14 books!

Tiny Cameras and Big Fears

I have to have a laparoscopy.

Okay, I don’t HAVE to, but my doctor thinks it’s the most logical next step considering my fertility problems. Between the pain and the complete failure of Clomid to make me ovulate/get pregnant, my weight loss and my periods getting WORSE instead of better, it’s what he advises. I have agreed to it. I have not scheduled it yet, but he’s aiming for the next few weeks. I’m waiting for his financial person to call me and quote me on how much it’s going to run me after insurance. I know I have to meet my deductible, which is $1000. There is also a $100 coinsurance charge for the hospital, and then I pay 20% of whatever is left after deductible. So yeah. It’s going to cost all the money. Luckily I think doctors are legally required to let you make payments, so if I can put a significant amount down it will help keep my payments on the rest of the amount small.

Also, Chief just got furloughed for every Friday from July through September. So the timing is total sucko. Luckily my work has a no interest loan program where they’ll give you the amount of one pay check and then they just take 10% of the loan out of your paycheck for 10 pay periods. It’s pretty awesome. I’ve had to use it before for other things (last minute closing costs on my house and Chief’s sudden unemployment-both a while back), but it always makes me nervous to ask because you have to submit your request directly to the director for him to approve.

Here’s what I’m afraid of:

1. Being really, really broke this summer and not being able to pay our bills. Furloughs are scary. Chief is trying to find something temporary and part time just to help fill the void. My hours aren’t really conducive to a second job so he won’t let me apply for anything, especially considering what I’m about to deal with.

2. Spending all the money on this surgery for him to potentially find nothing. He wants to check for endometriosis, blocked tubes, and possibly due some ovarian drilling while he’s in there. But what if he comes back from the surgery and says nothing was wrong? Then I’m out well over $1000 if not way more than that to find out that, shocker, we still don’t know what’s wrong with me other than PCOS. Which is this ever changing beast that we can’t really nail down.

The doctor did say that, frankly, I’m not going to be able to get pregnant on my own unless we just have some real, real luck. My body is not releasing the eggs. It’s growing them into cysts. So basically, when we want to start trying again he’s going to put me on another ovulation inducer (not Clomid, something else I actually hadn’t heard of yet because me and Clomid-we did NOT get along) plus a trigger shot every month. I told him we wouldn’t be able to afford anything like this until most likely September when Chief’s GI Bill moneys come in. So I think after the lap surgery he’s going to put me on Lupron to shut everything down for a few months so nothing can grow back. I think that’s what he said-but honestly, we talked about so many options my head is spinning a little bit. I should have been writing these things down. Maybe I can just go on the BC Pills (YUCK) until we’re ready financially to start trying again. Lupron scares the crap out of me.

I know a lot of you have been through this, so I need your advice. And ultimately what I’m most curious about is what the best plan of action is after it’s all said and done. Once he goes in and potentially “cleans” everything up-then what next? Can I take a few months off?

On to our book challenge.

12. Favorite Authors

I’m sorry, but are you kidding? I’m pretty sure I’ve been talking about the same authors over and over again throughout this whole thing, but here goes (these are not necessarily in any sort of order)

1. J.K. Rowling

HARRY. POTTER. Nuff Said.

2. Meg Cabot

I know I haven’t mentioned much about Meg Cabot books so far, but darn it y’all-she’s so funny. Her writing is light and makes me feel like my problems aren’t so terrible after all. I’ve been reading the Princess Diaries books and they are wonderful. Really-just what I needed right now.

3. Philip Pullman

Definitely not light or funny, but what amazing reads. Not just His Dark Materials series (The Golden Compass is the first one) but his Sally Lockhart series is great-maybe even better honestly. They’re little mysteries with a kick-ass heroine who even gets knocked up out of wedlock (scandalous!) back in 1800’s England. So yeah, they’re great.

4. Libba Bray

Sometimes funny, sometimes serious, all the times fantasy. Libba Bray weaves some pretty amazing stories and she’s definitely not stereotypical. Her first series takes place in the 1800’s (and in England, as a matter of fact), but her newest series, the Diviners, takes place in America during the roaring twenties. And Going Bovine is a present day novel. Her talents are wide and varied.

5. Laini Taylor

Daughter of Smoke and Bone. Read it. It will CHANGE YOUR LIFE.

That’s all friends. Remember to leave some advice if you have any on this whole lap surgery thing. I’m a little stressed about it.

Update

I have an appointment to see my OBGYN tomorrow at 9:00 am. Considering my medical history he wanted to see me as soon as I could manage it. I’m really hoping it’s a functional cyst that would show that my body is actually ovulating, but I’m worried it could be one of the other kind. Fingers crossed.

Apologies, Home Improvement, and Ovidrel

First of all, let me apologize for my absence. My Thursday post was heavy and I meant to follow it up with a more light hearted one on Friday, but I had a horrible, horrible day at work that I don’t even feel comfortable talking about yet (I will tell you when I can, but for my own job safety I think I need to keep it zipped just in case). At any rate, I was an emotional mess Friday night and had to do a lot of stuff in the kitchen, so there was no blogging happening.

Then Saturday we drove the three hours for a football game that got called due to rain. Yes, seriously. This is my life now.

Sunday was work work work on the kitchen, which is now completely devoid of floors and cabinets, and in some places walls. We got some major plumbing repair done-later I’ll post a picture of something very shocking. Your jaws will drop I assure you Today we have to rip out more walls and sweat some copper for the new plumbing valves. Then tomorrow my brother-in-law is coming to do our electrical and my mom and stepdad are coming to do new subfloor. Saturday I think we’ll install the gas line and put the drywall up and hopefully get the BEAUTIFUL floors that came in installed (or at least started) Sunday we’re painting cabinets and hopefully finishing the floor. It sounds optimistic, no?

Anyway, in fertility news things are looking really good. I saw my doc today and my uterline lining is nice and thick and my dominant follicle is 24 mm and today is day 13. When I was on 50 mg Clomid it only got to 19 mm on day 16 (still not bad), so he was really psyched about 24 mm. We did do a trigger shot of Ovidrel today. I had to call five different pharmacies to find someone who had some-apparently it’s back ordered at the factory right now. He said I should ovulate in about 36 hours, so here’s my question: if I did the trigger at 10:00 am, should we sex it up tonight or in the morning? The morning would still be under 24 hours-so we could even wait until tomorrow night which seems like optimum 36 hour timing, but I have a huge fear of my body breaking all the rules and ovulating tonight or something. And I know that a lot of people just have sex like crazy in the 36 hours after a trigger, but I’ve read that having sex less than 36 hours apart leads to less sperm. So, advice? Please tell me when and how to have sex with my husband. I’d love to have a new kitchen and a new baby.

So I ran around like a chicken with her head cut off going to the doctor, then the pharmacy, then back to the doctor. Then I had to drive to a town thirty minutes away to get some backsplash that is out of production but they had some stock of there. Then I stopped at Starbucks to eat (because by this point it was 11:00 am and I hadn’t eaten anything.) Then I had to get gas, head back to where I work to pick up a resume I printed off and forgot, head to the post office to mail said resume and then drive the twenty minutes home, all to make it here by noon-and why must I be home by noon? Because my stove is being delivered today between 12:00 and 4:00 (which might as well be as vague as between December and February). Now that I’ve broken many, many traffic laws as well as many laws of physics to get here in time for the alleged delivery window, the stove probably won’t be delivered until 7:00 or so.
Also, my house is, quite literally, squalor. I have boxes of kitchen stuff EVERYWHERE. Sawdust EVERYWHERE. My kitchen table is in my living room (which is not a big living room) I have flooring spread out between three rooms so it can acclimate, I have old and new cabinets downstairs waiting to be dealt with, and I have four very stressed cats. The great news is it’s made sex a lot more spontaneous and fun-much better than the trying to conceive monotony. Maybe this kitchen renovation will get me pregnant.

 

How are your lives my lovelies? I hope you’re still out there even though I left you alone in the bloggy wilderness for a few days.