Yesterday I came around to a sad but not surprising realization that the internet, specifically google, is ruining my peace of mind, sanity, and probably overall wellbeing.
I, however, am not completely blameless in this.
I don’t know if it comes with the territory of having been “trying” to get pregnant for 2.5 years, but I am becoming crazier. Quite literally. I spent most of my Sunday typing on my phone, googling various things. Just a few examples:
“Is it possible to NOT ovulate in 36 hours on Ovidrel?”
“Sharp stabbing pain-ovulation pain?”
“No CM-can I still get pregnant?”
“What is “normal” morphology-8%?”
The list goes on, and on, and on folks. Sadly, I even started looking for tips on implantation.
Here’s the real and honest truth: I can’t do anything about anything right now. I can take care of myself. I can drink my water, take my vitamins and supplements, take my progesterone, and get good amounts of rest, but other than that I don’t HONESTLY believe that I can make a fertilized egg (that may not even exist!) implant.
So why did I almost have Chief pick up a two week supply of fresh pineapple? It’s not because I’ve gone batty (although that’s probably a legitimate concern), it’s because I’ve become desperate. Desperate.
If everything has gone as planned, I am 2DPO. I have 10 days until I think a test will legitimately show anything, although what do I know-I’ve never been pregnant. Maybe mine would show at 10 DPO, or 11 DPO.
But the honest to goodness truth is that I can’t do anything to change what’s going to happen. And I need to take a step back from the internet, the pineapple core, and all the other insanity. And to be honest, don’t we all?